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Do you hold back?


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I'm not asking if you hold yourself back in terms of what you can accomplish.

Instead, either online or in person, do you hold back part of your personality or thoughts or views? In other words, do people experience the _complete_ you?

If you hold back ... why? Is your opinion not popular? Is a passion of yours "too weird"? Do you feel like an outcast ... or that you don't belong?

If you don't hold back ... have you always been this way ... or did you experience a change that made you decide to "throw caution to the wind" and let people see the complete you?

OR ... are you like me ... a mixture of the two, depending on the people and situation?

Cort:33swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker

WRMNshowcase.lego.HO.model.MCs.RT.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"There's so much I need to say to you" ... Phil Collins ... 'Take A Look At Me Now / Against All Odds'

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i hold back, but in the right company it's very small.

opinions / actions, you know some places aren't meant for them. like how "political talk" is "not allowed". that's kinda bent here and there, but not alot.

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I hold back quite a lot. People seem to have lots of opinions about how people should act in certain situations. With my dads death I have people telling me to be strong and take care of buisness. Then some say to let it out and express my feelings. Most times I just keep pretty quiet about how I feel about this.

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I think we all have to hold back to some degree. That is what makes our society "civil." Can you imagine a world where everyone could read everyone else's thoughts?

I would not have a job if I didn't hold back! Sitting through the same meetings, year after year, listening to the same, tired old diatribe and NOT telling the General Manager to F$#k off - now that is holding back!

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My friends often call me Jeckyl & Hyde because there are two sides to my personality. There's side #1 which is a very caring, loving individual who accepts everyone and wouldn't harm anything. The side of me that shows when I do things like stopping to remove a spider from the side of my car before I washed that particular body panel (So I didn't kill it) This is how I was raised.

Then there's side #2, the FUTURE_OF_GM side where I tend to be uber masculine, uber cynical and very hate filled. This is the side where I'm an asshole for the sake of being an asshole and I view the world as a pile of $h! that will eventually burn. (LOL-- You've all experienced the negativity) This side really came out during my adolescence when I went through some extremely rough times in my life.

Do I hold back? In person; I do NOW that I'm a lot happier with my life. I think I've finally struck the perfect combination of the two sides of my personality where I can express myself yet not be a raging asshole at the same time whereas used to I pretty much made things difficult just for the sake of letting people know, ESPECIALLY the people who would try to get close to me; "Hey, f*ck you, I don't need you, I don't want you and I'M NOT LIKE YOU." However, I don't hold back to the extent that I compromise who I am.

Online; well I've tried very hard to become less 'unbalanced' and the results have been positive. It no longer stresses me out to come to the forum and I feel that I have a few more friends.

Sociologists have done some very cool studies on how our personas change online when compared to talking to someone face to face. Online you can become an idealized role and you're pretty much not held accountable for your actions. That's opposed to in person where it's harder to mask your true personality and harder to get over feeling bad about your actions.

Edited by FUTURE_OF_GM
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I'm mostly lke you FOG...two sides to my personality....but whereas you have found a balance....I have not, I hold back a lot here and online in general....as well as in real life, although my buttons are very easy to push...and when pushed, I explode into a violent outburst at whomever is in my path. Violent in terms of attitude and words and the way I verbally attack. But here on C&G it's pretty easy to hold back, because we're really like a family here. This is one message board that I've never gotten sick of due to drama. Thats a main reason why I'm still here.

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I'm mostly lke you FOG...two sides to my personality....but whereas you have found a balance....I have not, I hold back a lot here and online in general....as well as in real life, although my buttons are very easy to push...and when pushed, I explode into a violent outburst at whomever is in my path. Violent in terms of attitude and words and the way I verbally attack. But here on C&G it's pretty easy to hold back, because we're really like a family here. This is one message board that I've never gotten sick of due to drama. Thats a main reason why I'm still here.

It's taken me a lot to get to this point; a few stints in therapy, a few stints on various meds, a degree in Psychology (Inspired a lot by my wanting to understand my own feelings and help others with those same feelings) a VERY loving and understanding core group of friends that never gave up on me (especially my GF)

Now, that's not to say people push me around because they certainly don't, it just means that I don't go looking for fights like I used to. I know the violent part of the equation all too well. The first time I experienced what they call 'blind rage' where one becomes so angry (and scared at the same time) that they literally black out and do bad things, it was my wake up call to get help. The rest is history.

P.S. Sorry for the :hijacked:

Edited by FUTURE_OF_GM
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Online; well I've tried very hard to become less 'unbalanced' and the results have been positive. It no longer stresses me out to come to the forum and I feel that I have a few more friends.

You do have some controversial opinions, but you've pretty good at being direct but intelligent and not abrasive about it.

Although I don't agree with some of your opinions, your posts don't piss me off like some on this board have in the past.

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See, I hold back, but I kinda gave a driver the finger and yelled f@#k you in front of my ultra-conservative parents because I was riding shotgun and I have Vicadin in me. LOL

My friends know the real me.. it's a shame I held back all through grade school and middle school, and even the first 3 years of highschool. In senior year, I opened my mouth and people liked what they heard.

I hold back my political views 100% of the time. People get vicious with their opinions and I just hate arguing.

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Some things that I am about or that I know about, I'd rather not share here....

That's in order not to color anyone's opinion with bias or typecast.

Those who have met me know slightly more.

But most folks aren't ready for a good lot of me until they get truly close. That's when the personality and the views come out....

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I have no lack of confidence in my ideas and opinions, but I've also always been a fairly quiet, reserved person especially when I'm around people I don't know well. Part of this is because I'm just socially awkward but I also don't like to be the focus of attention. I get more out of listening to what other people have to say than listening to myself.

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I generally hold back less online than I do in person, where I'm shy and reserved.

Same here, though I must say I've become a little less shy since I've come out to a few of my friends.

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I hold back. I have to. I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble for speaking my mind, people tend not to like differing opinions, or honesty - especially the brutal type. I have a cynical side I don't trust many people and even the ones I do trust I don't trust completely. I always keep my back to the wall to keep it from getting stabbed. I don't talk to many people because I don't like them, by nature people suck. I have a few friends and only a certain few know the real me. I have my work personality, my home personality, and the "real me" personality, which most people tend not to like and I could care less.

By the way, Ocn what does you farting have to do with anything? Or are you trying to hold back less, in more than one way??

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There is the kind of holding back when you don't laugh out loud when a fat lady falls on a puddle of coffee, goes flying in the air, her tray of food goes straight up and she lands on her back.....not kidding on that one, I saw it happen one time - I actually let out a short burst of laughter before I caught it, then crawled under my table. (In my defense, it didn't help that she was dressed to the nines, pearls, expensive dress suit, nice hair, like Richie Rich's mother)

Then there is the holding back when a customer calls you a fag. Oh, sorry, I didnt' hold back on that one. An older, black woman came screaming into the show room about two weeks ago, and straight away started badgering the receptionist. I have an appointment with the business manager, she declared. The receptionist explained that there were clients in with him at the moment and that she would have to wait. I don't know what this woman's problem was, but she started angrily shouting at the hapless receptionist, straight away. She was here to co-sign for her sister's loan (why is it always the people who have the worst credit who have the biggest chips on their shoulders?) and she had to sign papers, have her license photocopied, etc. She was creating quite a comotion. My co-worker whose desk is beside mine (and happens to be black, too) went over to her, said soothing things, brought her to his desk (3 feet behind me) and tried to help her. She was cussing and swearing. F%$k this and f&^k that. Why should I have to wait, etc. I started to seethe when she loudly declared that her sister should have bought a Honda. I bit my lip. I kept my head down.

Off went my co-worker to photocopy and gather stuff, while she continued to swear and cuss. When he came back, she demanded to know why he was doing what he was doing and she wanted to speak to a manager. He finally lost his cool and said,"Don't you raise your voice to me. I can raise my voice at you!" She nearly knocked her chair over when she stood up and stormed back over to reception, shouting at her again. On the way over, she proclaimed again that her sister should have bought a Honda. That was the final straw for me. Since there were no managers around, I stormed after her and told her to keep her voice down, or I would have to ask her to leave. She turned on my like a snake: hissing and spatting. What is your problem, I demanded. Are you a manager, she retored. No, we are trying to help, but you will have to go if you don't keep your voice down. This is a place of business. She was alternately shouting at me and the receptionist when, finally, the used car manager showed up. NOt having a clue what has just gone on, he called her into his office. She was mumbling things under her breath all he way. His office is about 5 meters from mine. I had sat back at my desk and just glanced over my shoulder as his door swung shut to see that woman pointing at me, saying,"That FAGGOT..." and pointing at me as the door shut.

I totally lost my cool. Now I know she has no clue that I am gay, but I realize that she is just angry at the world and the "worst" thing you can call a man is a "faggot," right? So I flung open the door, got right in her face and snapped,"What did you call me?" Right to my face, she declared,"I called you a faggot. What are you going to do about it?" I reared back. I would never have hit her, that much sanity prevailed, but it was only the sheer look of panick on the manager's face that kept me from grabbing her by the lapels and ejecting her from the building. I also have to add that the N-word was on the very tip of my tongue. Instead, I somehow managed to say,"Listen, lady, you don't know me, and you have no idea what I am capable of, or who I know." The manager had stood and tried to smooth things over.

I left his office and busied myself elsewhere in the dealership. Later, I discussed this with the manager, and he said that she had said she was going to hit me with her shoe. I told him that I would have hit the bitch right back, and she would have deserved it. He said you can't do that. I demanded to know why not. There are cases appearing before the Ontario Human Rights commission right now where people have said less.

The trouble is, being gay, I have an immunity shield to women that most men don't possess. I see them for the evil, conniving witches that they CAN be. This woman clearly is used to getting her way by intimidating straight, white men into getting what she wants, and I doubly got under her skin because I wasn't having any of that.

Although violence is always the last refuge of the incompetent, her cursing and swearing was uncalled for. Somebody should have ejected her. That was no lady and she deserved to be dealt with kind for kind.

So, yes, I held back and won. The business manager later told me that the woman was mortified when she told the woman that I was, in fact, gay. Perhaps the bitch will watch her mouth next time.

Edited by CARBIZ
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There is the kind of holding back when you don't laugh out loud when a fat lady falls on a puddle of coffee, goes flying in the air, her tray of food goes straight up and she lands on her back.....not kidding on that one, I saw it happen one time - I actually let out a short burst of laughter before I caught it, then crawled under my table. (In my defense, it didn't help that she was dressed to the nines, pearls, expensive dress suit, nice hair, like Richie Rich's mother)

Then there is the holding back when a customer calls you a fag. Oh, sorry, I didnt' hold back on that one. An older, black woman came screaming into the show room about two weeks ago, and straight away started badgering the receptionist. I have an appointment with the business manager, she declared. The receptionist explained that there were clients in with him at the moment and that she would have to wait. I don't know what this woman's problem was, but she started angrily shouting at the hapless receptionist, straight away. She was here to co-sign for her sister's loan (why is it always the people who have the worst credit who have the biggest chips on their shoulders?) and she had to sign papers, have her license photocopied, etc. She was creating quite a comotion. My co-worker whose desk is beside mine (and happens to be black, too) went over to her, said soothing things, brought her to his desk (3 feet behind me) and tried to help her. She was cussing and swearing. F%$k this and f&^k that. Why should I have to wait, etc. I started to seethe when she loudly declared that her sister should have bought a Honda. I bit my lip. I kept my head down.

Off went my co-worker to photocopy and gather stuff, while she continued to swear and cuss. When he came back, she demanded to know why he was doing what he was doing and she wanted to speak to a manager. He finally lost his cool and said,"Don't you raise your voice to me. I can raise my voice at you!" She nearly knocked her chair over when she stood up and stormed back over to reception, shouting at her again. On the way over, she proclaimed again that her sister should have bought a Honda. That was the final straw for me. Since there were no managers around, I stormed after her and told her to keep her voice down, or I would have to ask her to leave. She turned on my like a snake: hissing and spatting. What is your problem, I demanded. Are you a manager, she retored. No, we are trying to help, but you will have to go if you don't keep your voice down. This is a place of business. She was alternately shouting at me and the receptionist when, finally, the used car manager showed up. NOt having a clue what has just gone on, he called her into his office. She was mumbling things under her breath all he way. His office is about 5 meters from mine. I had sat back at my desk and just glanced over my shoulder as his door swung shut to see that woman pointing at me, saying,"That FAGGOT..." and pointing at me as the door shut.

I totally lost my cool. Now I know she has no clue that I am gay, but I realize that she is just angry at the world and the "worst" thing you can call a man is a "faggot," right? So I flung open the door, got right in her face and snapped,"What did you call me?" Right to my face, she declared,"I called you a faggot. What are you going to do about it?" I reared back. I would never have hit her, that much sanity prevailed, but it was only the sheer look of panick on the manager's face that kept me from grabbing her by the lapels and ejecting her from the building. I also have to add that the N-word was on the very tip of my tongue. Instead, I somehow managed to say,"Listen, lady, you don't know me, and you have no idea what I am capable of, or who I know." The manager had stood and tried to smooth things over.

I left his office and busied myself elsewhere in the dealership. Later, I discussed this with the manager, and he said that she had said she was going to hit me with her shoe. I told him that I would have hit the bitch right back, and she would have deserved it. He said you can't do that. I demanded to know why not. There are cases appearing before the Ontario Human Rights commission right now where people have said less.

The trouble is, being gay, I have an immunity shield to women that most men don't possess. I see them for the evil, conniving witches that they CAN be. This woman clearly is used to getting her way by intimidating straight, white men into getting what she wants, and I doubly got under her skin because I wasn't having any of that.

Although violence is always the last refuge of the incompetent, her cursing and swearing was uncalled for. Somebody should have ejected her. That was no lady and she deserved to be dealt with kind for kind.

So, yes, I held back and won. The business manager later told me that the woman was mortified when she told the woman that I was, in fact, gay. Perhaps the bitch will watch her mouth next time.

Didn't know that type of Blackwoman existed in Canada. Sure she didn't move up there from Detroit?
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I hold back in person and online. I don't like to voice my opinion because I feel people will lose respect for me. Then again, I guess the most screwed up part about me is that I am not really out of the closet. I try to keep my personal life out of work, it's just a way to keep peace not to mention I am kinda ashamed of my sexuality.

When I hear them run down homosexuals I sit and shut my mouth.....

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I hold back in person and online. I don't like to voice my opinion because I feel people will lose respect for me. Then again, I guess the most screwed up part about me is that I am not really out of the closet. I try to keep my personal life out of work, it's just a way to keep peace not to mention I am kinda ashamed of my sexuality.

When I hear them run down homosexuals I sit and shut my mouth.....

Just be yourself dude and don't worry what the rest of the world thinks, you only live once and there is no going back to relive your life.

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I hold back online. I hold back to those I do not know. I hold back here. I could tell stories about my life that would make people say wow!! I do not feel comfortable exposing myself like that. In my work, I do not hold back, but I still have to be careful and cautious. I guess that could be termed as holding back.

I could have been close friends with someone on here, but because I hold back, it never has happened. We used to talk on the telephone and everything. He knows I am keeping things and I refuse to tell. It is not so much how I would be perceived by this person, but rather feeling left too open.

I almost opened up after reading black vipers thread and Oldsmobile boi or whatever his screen name is. I have to regroup and hold back or not respond to the thread at all.

When Oldsmobile boi or whatever it is said he was coming to Houston, I was just being friendly and asking questions. It was taken as I was trying to make moves on him and that was not even the case. That is why I left that thread once people started saying things in fun.

So yes, we all do to some degree..

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I hold back more in real life than I do online. Mostly because no one I'm around has the same point of view on things that I do. I avoid having conversations about either because I'd rather not alienate myself.

For example, my in-laws are majorly religious and I think religion as a whole is worthless and the world would be better off without it. Not exactly an opinion that I should voice to my in-laws, ya know?

Politics are another problem. I'm a libertarian; social liberal, fiscal conservative. Telling a bible-thumping neo-con (my father-in-law) that I think the government should recognize gay and lesbian unions wouldn't exactly go over that well.

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I hold back depending on the situation. Meaning either I am in the company of someone say at work, who if they heard the actual truth come out of somone's mouth, it'd make them look like an idiot and I'd be fired lol.

Most of the time I just say what's on my mind. I don't hold back because I believe being honest is the best thing to do.

Edited by Brandon Lutz
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I hold back online. I hold back to those I do not know. I hold back here. I could tell stories about my life that would make people say wow!! I do not feel comfortable exposing myself like that. In my work, I do not hold back, but I still have to be careful and cautious. I guess that could be termed as holding back.

I could have been close friends with someone on here, but because I hold back, it never has happened. We used to talk on the telephone and everything. He knows I am keeping things and I refuse to tell. It is not so much how I would be perceived by this person, but rather feeling left too open.

I almost opened up after reading black vipers thread and Oldsmobile boi or whatever his screen name is. I have to regroup and hold back or not respond to the thread at all.

When Oldsmobile boi or whatever it is said he was coming to Houston, I was just being friendly and asking questions. It was taken as I was trying to make moves on him and that was not even the case. That is why I left that thread once people started saying things in fun.

So yes, we all do to some degree..

I used to live in Houston at one time. I lived near Westheimer & Dairy Ashford! 77077 zipcode baby!

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When did you live here?? I know where that is. That is way past the Galleria..

I live there in the 90's for a while. I lived near Lakeside Country Club, between Katy Freeway and Westheimer Road. I loved Houston a lot. Palm trees and swiming pools! Ahh the Galleria, how I miss that place.

Edited by Pontiac Custom-S
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Can you imagine a world where everyone could read everyone else's thoughts?

OH my. That sounds a bit scary....in more ways than one ;).

Hmm....I suppose I should answer my own questions, in a bit more detail. As I eluded to in my original post, I'm a mixture. Course, it's interesting to find out if people see me the same way I see myself, in terms of this topic ... and in terms of being wanted and/or an outcast and/or not belonging.

I tend to "hold back" on the forums because I know thoughts/statements are taken too personally by others. I have also seen "flame wars" develop because people cannot fully understand the meaning of one's written words, since inflections and "tongue in cheek" statements are very hard to discern on the printed page.

Still, at times, I've NOT held back ENOUGH. Some of my thoughts/beliefs about certain things/companies are not highly regarded. And, when I get "riled up" about something ... I don't mince words. Believe it or not, as much as I've "ranted" sometimes, ya'll ain't seen nothing yet....

I also "hold back" on the forums in terms of some of my interests. Oh, you can see many of my interests on my website [radio show, Monte Carlos, collections, hobbies, road trips, etc.], but I have a few about which only a small number of people know.

In person, I do not "hold back" much ... especially after I have gotten to know people. In person, it is much easier to discern the inflections and "tongue in cheek" comments, so I am very open with friends/family. And most people who know me ... and have met me in person ... know most, if not all, there is to know about me, my personality, my wants, my interests, my hobbies, my strong dislikes, etc. I have found that the more you meet in person, the more you have in common with others ... and that can lead to a strong basis for knowing how someone will react to something ... and being able to discern different types of statements/posts.

I used to care a great deal whether people liked me or not. Over the years, that has lessened. Oh, I still care ... but, if people take my statements too seriously or too personally on the forums (or in person, for that matter) and/or don't want to meet me because of my statements/beliefs/etc. and/or don't comment much about my posts/threads, I've come to realize that that is not my issue, since my comments are sincere and honest ... and I'm not compromising my personality or values/beliefs.

Cort:33swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker

WRMNshowcase.lego.HO.model.MCs.RT.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"You have to try again" ... Janie Fricke ... 'You Don't Know Love'

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No, I was wrong. It wasn't me. The stink is migrating over from Delaware.:smilewide:

Cremazie, I am not out at work or to family either. I keep thinking family should know by now, I never talk about women, or bring women home to meet mom. Sometimes I think, why do I need to declare anything to anyone? At the same time, being an honest man, it is hard carrying it around and being unable to talk about it with the people who mean the most to me.

Edited by ocnblu
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I am sorry for you guys who are not out or comfortable with your sexuality. I know I have been out for years and I took hell in the beginning for it and had threats against my life, but at the end it will not matter. Be who true to you are and proud of who you are. The best example you can set is by being yourself. At the end of the day being true to yourself is more important that thinking someone's opinion matters that much.

I do understand your fears. You do not want to lose your family or their support. They mean that much to you. In some small way, they do know. They just do not want to discuss it. But people should love you and accept you unconditionally.

You fear being alone too. The way I look at that is people are putting their lives in your face and want you to accept them. Gay people should not be simply tolerated, but accepted.

When you are ready to be out, you will be out.

Please do not ever feel ashamed of who you are.

The younger guys here who are gay have it easier coming out. They also do not know the struggles that took place before the 1990's and 1960's.

Peace to all of you.

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The younger guys here who are gay have it easier coming out. They also do not know the struggles that took place before the 1990's and 1960's.

Peace to all of you.

blackviper, here is where you type "that was then and this is now and history doesn't matter". 1960's that was 40 years ago! :P

Edited by Pontiac Custom-S
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I do not hold back much... esp. on here.

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I never talk about women, or bring women home to meet mom.

I don't talk about women to my parents either....why? Wouldn't even want the impresion formed that I ain't tryna do much with most of them beyond put some breasts in my face, that I think a lot of women are full of crap, or that I'm not really with the person they think is happily my girlfriend (more merely tolerated at this point)...I wouldn't even speak on who I find sexy to them. Parents aren't the audience for that sort of thing, they can't relate. That's just like how I wouldn't talk a whole lot about what goes on with me and chicks to other chicks.

No one really wants anyone in their bedroom like that. And those who do are rather suspect (in the sense of braggart losers).

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You're right, L.A., but beyond that, when a family member sees a hot chick on TV or in person, and they look to me for my reaction, I'm like :rolleyes: "yeah, she looks good", which ain't a lie, I'm just not into it.
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I hold back in person and online. I don't like to voice my opinion because I feel people will lose respect for me. Then again, I guess the most screwed up part about me is that I am not really out of the closet. I try to keep my personal life out of work, it's just a way to keep peace not to mention I am kinda ashamed of my sexuality.

When I hear them run down homosexuals I sit and shut my mouth.....

Don't hold back there man.... let 'em have it. In this case they already don't respect you... they just don't know it yet. So in the end, you've lost nothing.

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I hold back online. I hold back to those I do not know. I hold back here. I could tell stories about my life that would make people say wow!! I do not feel comfortable exposing myself like that. In my work, I do not hold back, but I still have to be careful and cautious. I guess that could be termed as holding back.

I could have been close friends with someone on here, but because I hold back, it never has happened. We used to talk on the telephone and everything. He knows I am keeping things and I refuse to tell. It is not so much how I would be perceived by this person, but rather feeling left too open.

I almost opened up after reading black vipers thread and Oldsmobile boi or whatever his screen name is. I have to regroup and hold back or not respond to the thread at all.

When Oldsmobile boi or whatever it is said he was coming to Houston, I was just being friendly and asking questions. It was taken as I was trying to make moves on him and that was not even the case. That is why I left that thread once people started saying things in fun.

So yes, we all do to some degree..

You of all people can't get my screen name right.....after all these years together?!? :sob: :(

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Yes. I hold back too much of what I think or say.

It's been bad for me.

And, due to a misunderstanding, my best friend told me I wasn't welcome around anymore. But at work, I can tell he is trying so hard to NOT talk to me. It's an obvious effort. I will make things better. They are already a work in progress.

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