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Jokes - California


haypops

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so who has some more jokes....

Ok, I'll be a jerk and post a JOKE - L.A. oriented - and irreverent

Q: Why do they call the Miracle Mile the Miracle Mile?

A: Because it's a miracle how many Jews can fit into 1 mile.

Political correctness is not my forte'.

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I'm one that totally DISAGREES.  (but no offense to any northerners on here)

I've lived both in the Bay Area, (Danville in the East Bay) and in southern California (Aliso Viejo in The O.C.) and I MUCH prefer living down here.

Why?

Well, first of all....let me say that I LOVE San Francisco....I think it's a world-class city.  BUT.......

I like the weather in southern California MUCH better.

People are WAY nicer and friendlier.  (Although people in the Bay Area will try to convince you otherwise.)  I've met more friends since moving to The O.C. than anywhere else I've ever lived.

Bay Area people ALWAYS rag on L.A. and people in L.A.  BUT people down here really NEVER rag on the Bay Area.  San Francisco and their residents seem to have a huge inferiority complex with southern California.  Let's face it....Los Angeles is the home of our entertainment industry and is a major Pacific Rim city.....and there's over 17million people in the metro area.  It's like the "New York" of the west coast.

If you live in the 'burbs up in Northern California, there is almost NOTHING to do culture-wise or party-wise....or good-restaurant-wise.  You always had to make the drive into San Francisco to do almost anything social.  Down here, in The O.C., you don't HAVE to go to L.A.  Maybe because we are close to the beach....or there's more population....but there's LOTS more to do here in the 'burbs than in the Bay Area 'burbs.

The CAR CULTURE!  No city in the U.S., not even San Francisco, can match the awe-inspiring car culture in southern California.

It's prettier.....(other than the awe-inspiring beauty of San Francisco ITSELF.)  Our mountains are bigger and more majestic, our beaches are way nicer, our cities and suburbs are more distinctive (with the exception, once again, of the CITY of S.F.) even our flora is much more "tropical" (there are not nearly as many palm trees up north for example.)

There's just an energy here that northern California totally lacks.  I guess that's it.

Man, you talk a lot...but that's cool. :AH-HA_wink:

I agree with you on some points and not on others.

OC people friendly? I don't think urban Californians are THAT friendly. SoCal has a different vibe. I prefer to say that SoCal is more free wheeeling, irreverent and knows how to make fun of itself more easily than the north does.

You are right on about the beauty at the coast and inland. The coastline, and SF being right on it, are stunning. No doubt. So, if you want coast, there's the enchanting beauty of Big Sur, the Marin Headlands and such. The beaches in the south aren't as awe inspiring but they are warmer and more usable. It also seems like they turn the other cheek (no pun intended) at nudity up north (must be the hippy-dippy influence) whereas I don't think that would fly in the more Repulican southern part. There are way more beaches with good marinas and harbors down south than up north where the Pacific can get cold and churn up some nasty waves.

Now, when you turn inland, the Bay Area suburbs are nestled in small foothills while those in the south can be tucked into some more interesting mountain sides (and apt to slide off). Also, if you are looking for real mountains (where it can snow), they are further from the Bay Area but closer to LA. However, when you finally do get there, the mountains in NorCal are stunning (there is no Sierra Nevada and Lake Tahoe in the southern part of the state).

You are right about the sleepiness of the suburbs. While Walnut Creek, Lafayette, Danville and San Ramon are very nice, there is a sleepiness to them. Of the batch, I would say Walnut Creek has the most options. Yet, compared to So Cal suburbs, they are a bit sleepier now that you point that out, I would agree. By this, I would include Irvine, Redondo Beach and even Woodland Hills. I am no fan of Northeastern LA - never have been. I just don't like the position that Pasadena and Arcadia occupy geographically...they are kind of depressing in what surrounds them and it's gross getting into downtown from there.

Both Nor Cal and So. Cal. have killer points but you give up things and gain others whichever choice you make.

What about San Diego? I have always liked it in the physical sense, but it seems very vapid in the cultural and intellectual sense.

Edited by trinacriabob
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California has plenty of hick towns. I've lived in L.A., Bay Area, Sacramento, and the Central Valley. Where I'd like to be is San Luis Obispo with the clean air and less traffic. San Diego would be my second choice, though traffic is getting bad down there.

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When we do cut ourselves off from the main land and go float out to sea and hang with Hawaii, that is probably when the war will assume. If it doesn't happen sooner that is. Its bound to happen. Its all just a matter of time.

You know I actually read somewhere that that's absolutely impossible because of the way the plates shift. In fact, they said the worst that could happen is that We all end up being Nor-Calers in about 10,000 years, and the Dodgers and Giants are crosstown rivals again.

but just to make you happy, coincidentally, I'm listening to Aenema by Tool.

Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona Bay.

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You know I actually read somewhere that that's absolutely impossible because of the way the plates shift. In fact, they said the worst that could happen is that We all end up being Nor-Calers in about 10,000 years, and the Dodgers and Giants are crosstown rivals again.

but just to make you happy, coincidentally, I'm listening to Aenema by Tool.

Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona Bay.

Haha...yea, I figured it'd be pretty impossible being that continents just don't float on top of the water :P

People joke about it though and I think it would be sick if we could do that...not that I would care to, just the idea would be cool though.

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Where I'd like to be is San Luis Obispo with the clean air and less traffic. 

Is SLO expensive? I think it would be too close to Cal Poly for my taste.

I tend NOT to like college towns. Get in...get it done...get out!

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Haha...yea, I figured it'd be pretty impossible being that continents just don't float on top of the water :P

People joke about it though and I think it would be sick if we could do that...not that I would care to, just the idea would be cool though.

It'd be cool living on a floating island...up until we crash into Japan, and cause the mother of all earthquakes, and they get all pissed off at us again.

But hey, the journey's half the fun, right? :lol:

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Haha...I was being sarcastic guys...Why would I bash the place I live in? NorCal-ers are the ones that use the term "hella" (or atleast that's what I've gathered) And the reason I said that was to keep more people from coming here...I mean, it is crowded enough...you think we need more people? I know SoCal>NorCal...that's common knowledge, which is why we should send prospective movers up that way...More great SoCal for us :P

Interesting..I've always thought 'hella' originated on 'South Park'...didn't realize it had usage in the real world.

I like both Nor Cal and So Cal... personally, I prefer So Cal for the scenery, climate, beach towns, etc... but career-wise, Nor Cal would be the best place for me, as the Bay Area is the center of the universe for software...

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I think that Catalina Island, just 26 miles west of the CA cost is actually on another continent.  The continental shelf (good name ofr a Lincoln) ends in a very deep trouth somewhere between the coast and Catalina.  Any Geologists in the group?

If it were on a continental plate, yes, it would be on a different continental plate, but not another continent. I think (but am not certain) that Catalina is the remnants of an old island chain resulting from hot spot volcanic activity. Eventually, Catalina should get slammed into SoCal.

Continents are land masses, geology deals with plates. There are so many faults in the world that go through land. Most of N.A. is on the North American plate, and the westernmost part of this country is actually on the Pacific plate. Same continent, different plate.

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You can't be quite so general Croc...I don't know about you...but I'm on the San Juan plate. =)

And considering the plate under the Pacific Ocean is pushing against us and diving under the West Coast....the chances of SoCal floating away are nil...though we may be saying hi to some of those more nothern in about 500 million years or so.

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If it were on a continental plate, yes, it would be on a different continental plate, but not another continent.  I think (but am not certain) that Catalina is the remnants of an old island chain resulting from hot spot volcanic activity.  Eventually, Catalina should get slammed into SoCal.

Continents are land masses, geology deals with plates.  There are so many faults in the world that go through land.  Most of N.A. is on the North American plate, and the westernmost part of this country is actually on the Pacific plate.  Same continent, different plate.

There's a thought, Croc...buy your Mom some "Juicy Couture" and take her to Catalina on the hydrofoil...or whatever the fast boat is called. :lol:

Edited by trinacriabob
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Satty, we've got "The 909" for ya!!!!!!!!

You would feel right at home in the Inland Empire.....(although Riverside is now "951" instead of "909."

:lol:

NO!! Can't be! I love "THE 909." It's shrinking.

The guy who is in the next office, who is an Inland Empire transplant, gets pissed off when I call someone a "909-er." It's in good fun. He and I get along.

Credit Tom Leykus for coining that one.

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So tell me, is "West Coast" another sub-language of the english language similar to "Minnesotan," "Deep South," "Austrailian" and "Bostonian"? :P

Hey, hey, hey...don't lump me in with them. California has their own language unto themselves... Unfortunately, PACNorWest is more known for having a lack of an accent. We're different in that we don't have one...lol.
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So tell me, is "West Coast" another sub-language of the english language similar to "Minnesotan," "Deep South," "Austrailian" and "Bostonian"? :P

No, I don't think so. Obviously there will be a few expressions, but a lot of the slang starts here and goes to the midwest and east through movies and tv. Ever say "whoa, that was intense!"? Yea...started here.

Other than "hella" I can't think of anything unusual...

As for the "accent" there really isn't one. Only thing I've noticed is some people pronounce their long "O" sounds with a kinda subtle long "A" sound that rounds out into an O...Think "stoner accent" but not in slow speed of speech.

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Nobody thinks they have an accent until they travel.  Then they think everyone else has an accent.

I sure would like to know what this accent is.

Aside from the Jeff Spicoli of "Fast Times at Ridgmont High" (1979) stoner accent which is a trademark of any So Cal loser, Californians speak in standard broadcast English. There is no difference in accent that I can tell between Denver, Phoenix, LA, SF or Seattle.

Now, in the East, they change more rapidly. The Southern states have different accents, I'm told. I can definitely hear differences between NYC, MA and PA. Yo, Ocn, say "Put a coat on" and "I went to Villanova" in a Philly accent. Yikes.

Edited by trinacriabob
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So tell me, is "West Coast" another sub-language of the english language similar to "Minnesotan," "Deep South," "Austrailian" and "Bostonian"? :P

I'm all like.....like.....going down "the" 405....and like....well the traffic is just....like...nasty

:lol:

Seriously though I don't notice ANY accent in California. If there's a difference, I'd say it's in the use of words or slang....like "like" and "hella" up north.

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"like" is San Fernando Valley...and somehow the government-funded extermination program of equipping cell-phone wielding bimbos with driver's licenses has failed to get them all. Some girl was chatting very obnoxiously, and I was, all, like, you know...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

:rolleyes:

Ocn, you forget I'm from Indiana...and because my parents speak proper English and I went to good schools, I am routinely told out here I have no accent (unless I get really mad, and only on a few words...like "hell" becomes "hail" and "anybody" can sound like "eenybody"). I come out to California...aaaaaaaand...no accent. Except for a few people here and there that do the "O" thing. Or the Spicoli surfer/stoner "accent."

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Yup!  Even though I'm gay, I LOVE him.

BUT my favorites are The Triplets.....Frosty, Heidi, and Frank (yummmmmy)

Yea, Frosy, Heidi, and Frank are funny, and if I'm driving while they're on, I'll listen. The times I drive though are 3-6 for the most part. Prime Leykis hours :P

Can't wait till Flash Friday starts up again :AH-HA_wink:

Next time he does a live show around here or has his Boys Night Out, I'm deffinitely going. Seems like it would be a blast.

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Yea, Frosy, Heidi, and Frank are funny, and if I'm driving while they're on, I'll listen. The times I drive though are 3-6 for the most part. Prime Leykis hours :P

Can't wait till Flash Friday starts up again :AH-HA_wink:

Next time he does a live show around here or has his Boys Night Out, I'm deffinitely going. Seems like it would be a blast.

From 3-6, I usually listen to John & Ken on KFI640am.....but I flip back-and-forth between them and Tom.....

"....Tom, take me out Kobe-Bryant-Style....."

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Not a fan of Leykis here. But since I've really only listened to him for about five minutes I won't comment on what I think is wrong with him.

On the topic of California, OC, there are plans to reinstate funding for the train that will travel across Wilshire and into Santa Monica, basically a parallel to the 101 only a little further south. Along with those plans, Los Angeles NEEDS a subway to travel north and south, parallel to the 405, into Orange County and all the way through to San Diego. Can you imagine the kind of growth a high speed metro that would travel to San Diego in about 1.5 h might entail for Los Angeles? Talk about OMG!!! Further down the road a train to mirror the general direction of the 5 and 110 would be needed as well. This is the last major frontier towards turning this place into it's own freakin country!

The plans for the Wilshire train have me all excited with possibilities. This is a huge necessity and would make this vibrant place a million times more accessible. Imagine living in Hollywood, and being able to make it to Manhattan Beach in about 35 minutes, all from the comfort of a passanger seat! You can tell I'm from Chicago.

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On the topic of California, OC, there are plans to reinstate funding for the train that will travel across Wilshire and into Santa Monica, basically a parallel to the 101 only a little further south. Along with those plans, Los Angeles NEEDS a subway to travel north and south, parallel to the 405

Turbo, you're from Chicago? I'm sorry. (I can say that as a Univ. of Ill. grad that went there from L.A.).

I design stuff for a living (buildings, specifically) and I have been saying this all along...the Red Line should continue out to the Westside as one spur and the existing north spur going out to NH should stay under Ventura all the way out to Warner Center. The other major issue is the SFV. A line needs to go along Sepulveda from the top end of the Valley along 405 and at least catch the Blue Line in Long Beach. That's it. Those 3 spurs (very costly) would at least give an LA a fairly complete transit system. It's a travesty that LA does not have one.

On the topic of Chicago, the issue I have with it is that most people from there have a severe chip on their shoulder. They have to keep on defending their city in a militant sort of way (per my U of I experience). No one from LA or NY EVER does that. Beyond the architectural gem that is the Loop, the rest of Chicagoland is not particularly inspiring...and I couldn't wait to get away from that weather. Look at greater LA or greater NYC on a map and look at all the possibilities either have to offer. I think the residents of either of those 2 cities know they live in a truly dynamic place.

Yes, Leykis is a hot headed jerk but sometimes he's more interesting to listen to than music. The other thing is those bone-headed "beeper dudes" that call him. They can be equally entertaining to listen to for how thick skulled they are. A "beeper dude" is a not very smart guy with a decent service or sales job where he has a beeper, who goes to the gym, who doesn't drop the frat boy inflection when he gets well into his 30s, who drives an SUV or a sports car and who hangs out in chain operated "fern bars" chasing skirt. Those are the morons that call him and relay how chicks have walked all over them and their wallets. If Leykis senses you are intelligent, he can't work with that and finds a way to short fuse the call.

Ok, nuff said. Oh, yeah, when one jerk prof at Univ of Ill criticized LA in an urban planning class by showing aerial shots of it cloaked in smog, I raised my hand and asked: "How many people do we know that have voluntarily moved from Chicago to So Cal and how many people do we know who have voluntarily moved in the other direction?"

Nobody says it better than Randy Newman: "I Love L.A."

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On the topic of Leykis, Turbo, Tom has stated before that people who happen to flip to his station may not get it, or find him crude or whatever. Then again, he is a self proclaimed jerk and has stated it many times on his show. From what he says there is like a 2 week break in period I guess you could say of listening to him to really fully understand him and what the show is all about. But yea, Tom is actually a very intelligent guy and while some people may not like what he has to say and may find it crude, he is very well spoken, he tells the truth and he has facts and information to back up all the arguments he makes. He can be a very itneresting person to lsiten to. That and it is always fun to lsiten in on some of the morons who call in. He even states it himself that his callers for the most part are among the dumbest in his demographic and have the lowest income levels. His main Audience consists of the highly educated/college educated upper middle class.

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Oh yea, I completely agree. I love Phil Hendrie (actually haven't heard him in a while...I don't think he is on till about 8 or so around here now...). Though I don't really listen to Leykis for how "funny" he is.

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Is SLO expensive?  I think it would be too close to Cal Poly for my taste. 

I tend NOT to like college towns.  Get in...get it done...get out!

Housing costs in SLO are not all that different than other coastal areas in the Bay Area or down south, i.e. about $700K for just a halfway decent home. As for college towns, I actually like the energy that the schools bring.
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I would give him a chance if someone really wanted me to, but as it is I don't have any reason to listen to him. I never get bored with my music, I'm listening to the Decembrists, "Los Angeles, I'm yours", curiously enough. Great tune, everyone who reads this needs to download it and discover this great band.

It's not that I didn't "get" Leykis or that I thought he was crude. A lot of it is shock factor, when you get past that there didn't seem to be substance to what he was saying. It was something I'd felt I'd heard and changed the channel before. It's advice I don't care or need to hear. On the other hand, like I said if someone, in my presence, and not on the internet, cared for me to listen to some of his opinions I would, but only to gratify them. From listening to him briefly, I don't think there's anything he could offer me .

As for Chicago, there is no need to defend my diamond in the rough. It has architectural marvels and culture that isn't a given everywhere in Los Angeles.

Los Angeles has wealth and fashion, while Chicago has the elite, the subdued, the sophisticated, the worldly. It has class and taste and heart no where known in Beverly Hills. A lot of is this sense of indestructible arrogance many give off in this city. I think people in Chi are more well traveled.....but that is just a generalization.

It's more family-oriented. If you've been spoiled by the beatiful greenery and sun of Los Angeles, the weather will seem appalling.

But Chicago has heart. Chicago has great women [that's a big one. I won't get into how true this is in how many ways, and how LA does pale in this regard---you know how all the best ones are looking for money and "power"?]. Chicago has great spirit. Chicago has great morals and values. Chicago has great entertainment and a great vibe everywhere you go.

That's just my opinion. I love Chicago and think it's a great city. But I'm not trying to defend it; I really don't care if you don't find it that appealing. Not that your opinion isn't valued, but I had a great time growing up there and wouldn't change my balanced experience for anything, so my thoughts are those.

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Chi-town is my #2 favorite city, though I think I told you that already. I agree, a lot of LA girls lack class. That's my biggest (and pretty much only) complaint with LA...a lot of the girls just suck, and not literally.

That said, I could grow old alllllll alone out here with the great weather and everything else that's amazing with LA.

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It's deffinitely worth the drive to go up there for a weekend or so. Taking the 101 all the way up is usually nice once you get onto the more coastal part of it...like, in Santa Barbara, but away from the city and congestion...that part of SB always seems to get bottlenecked. SLO is a beautiful area though and very relaxing. I love it up there, but I don't think I would be able to live there. It's fun to go up to my uncle's house every now and then. He has a couple ATV's and an old jeepster commander which we take offroading. He lives on about 1100 acres of land. Sometimes we'll go skeet shooting or have some target practice with some of his guns, or we'll just hang out at the guest house which has a couple garages, one which is the main garage, and another garage connected to the house which used to be a garage but was converted to a game room/bar/lounge. It's pretty fun and relaxing up there, or lately when I have gone up there we head over to lake San Antonio which is about an hour away...not the greatest lake around, but its good for launching my uncles speedboat and ripping around. I'm gonna have to plan another trip up there soon.

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Chi-town is my #2 favorite city, though I think I told you that already.  I agree, a lot of LA girls lack class.  That's my biggest (and pretty much only) complaint with LA...a lot of the girls just suck, and not literally.

That said, I could grow old alllllll alone out here with the great weather and everything else that's amazing with LA.

Ok, after falling asleep at 7 pm and waking at a weird hour....

Oh, that's right, with Croc being from Indy, that might have elicited a reaction. And it did.

To Turbo and Croc, LA does have people that suck in a big way and some women who are truly sn*t*hes. It can be a very hedonistic town and this has filtered into segments of the population you wouldn't think would be affected by it, thanks in part to the entertainment industry. The tough part is not getting tainted by it. A lot of people get sucked into that vortex, sometimes even those who come from normal families....they pick up that LA callousness. Growing up there, I knew a lot of normal people whose the families were of the "nuclear" variety, the kids went off to college and settled down afterwards. It's just that those who are raising families are doing it in the West Valley, Valencia or, God forbid(j/k), in "the 909."

If anybody's life experiences have been broad, they'd be mine. I am an LA native but then lived in Italy from 4 to 8, so I started school in a completely different language. Then we moved to the NYC area and back to LA (my Dad missed the palm trees). There are LA people who are not well traveled because we had it all in our backyard and then there are LA people who are very well traveled because of the abundance of nonstops out of LAX to Asia, Australia (it's the US gateway to there) and Europe. So, you are right, I don't function well where it's cold.

Ranking wise: I would say I like living in Cali best, without regard to the part of the state, though I did like living in Atlanta a great deal. The weather was mild, the living was easy and I met a lot of great people with whom I am still friends. And, as to shallowness, don't kid yourself because Atlanta has some incredibly shallow people. It's the most important city in the SE United States so it's a place for people to make their mark. Another thing is the Southerners (not all of them). That sugar coated coyness and niceness is something I don't trust. They can be very two-faced. I would easily say that 80+% of my friends there were transplants from the Northeast or the Midwest...they were more genuine, IMO. I never knew any Southern women because the "coy/debutante/decoration on a man's arm" mentality was offputting and I am sure they found me a little raw. All of the girls I knew, again, were transplants. I could be myself with them.

This thread went from jokes about California to incisive analysis of California vis a vis everywhere else. Trippy.

Crocmeister, do you plan to stay in the general area post SC?

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Yup!  Even though I'm gay, I LOVE [Tom Leykis].

BUT my favorites are The Triplets.....Frosty, Heidi, and Frank (yummmmmy)

I'm the KING of 97.1 among folks I know. Just switched my clock radio to it this year (away from 570)....with the exception of when John & Jeff go on one of their far-right rants about how tough on crime they'd be or something, it's thoroughly listenable through the week. I'm glad the Triplets and Leykis have added more affiliates (more places I can move and feel safe!)

How do you guys feel about Adam Carolla's show? They've said a few winners on there, but it's mostly kinda safe so far from what I've heard.

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