Friends & Lovers...

[Paolino]

I'm currently in a situation where I've found someone I feel is the absolute ideal for me, and he looks at me as just a good friend. I'm head over heels for him--I think he's the greatest guy I've ever met... again, he sees me just as a good friend. Ever been in this situation? Has anyone ever had the situation turn out good where the other person actually started liking them romantically one day? Or has it just turned out to be a lot of heart-ache?

[regfootball]

FAR TOO MANY OF THOSE SITUATIONS FOR ME. ultimately, 'it' happens or it doesn't. I'm not sure if a relationship is missing a 'spark' early on, if it ever follows through. nothing sucks more in life when you are so desiring someone else, that its hard to breathe when that person is in your presence, but ultimately they cannot profess the same affection. its a shame we couldn't sit and have a few beers and discuss it. Sounds like you need some encouragement. if i started typing everything i'd love to share with you or cheer you up with, i think i'd have enough stories to last all week. I might just depress you all to heck too. i suppose i could be brief about it, and limit it to like 2 or 3. One gal I worked with one summer on an overnight retail job, we were good friends, 'buds' at work and then a funny thing happened at the end of that summer. She asked for my number and stuff when i went back to school for the fall (she went to a different school). I would start to visit her on trips back home, which subsequently led to spontaneous making out. Friends. HMMMMM. Well, the inevitable. The next summer she got an intership in a bigger city and me, the fool I am, decided I needed to drive down and see her like 5 times that summer, and go on legitimate dates. Well, it was a HOT summer, although it got to the point where on my 21st birthday no less, before she took me out to celebrate, i told her what i thought of her and got the 'i thought we were friends bit' in return. WHOA. whoa. After that, i blew her off for awhile, then got 'I need you in my life' letters like weeks after that. Finally, when i went to visit her again at her beck and call to see what the f was going to happen, here's Mr. motorcycle dude, she just had started dating with half the parts of his bike sprawled out all over the apartment floor. Well, all this, point being, sometimes the other person is either afraid to go and admit how much they like someone or they like and maybe love you, but have big doubts for some reason, or feel that its just not a burning, fireworks kind of thing. In this case, she could not allow herself the notion that I could be the one that was making her crazy. Was i not tall enough? Not smart enough? Different in some fundamental way? Man, the way i felt and the way I thought she felt, hearing the 'friends' bit was like a freight train, or a knife gouging deep into your stomach. Well that's just one of them. Enough for now. I was reflecting on all of this recently, how when you're young and single, you meet so many suitors, so many people that you are attracted to, and all the joy and yes, hassle and heartache that goes with trying to meet and find the right person to be with. I hold grudges, so all these chicks who screwed me in the past, even though I still hold lots of anger and hurt towards a few of them.....there is always those things about each one of them that i remember that makes me hurt from missing them. Odd, now that i am married and am totally in love with my wife, how sometimes you have those feelings for old 'loves', friends, whatever. But you do...always will. I guess my point is, it will work out somehow. I believe in destiny and things happening for a reason, out of our control. Fate. One night, unexpectedly, i met my wife, and things were forever changed for me. The thing was I KNEW she felt the same way from the get go. Sparks for sure. I would say that either the person you want may indeed want to be a friend, or perhaps they are shy and don't know how they feel and things may take patience and time. Enjoy the time, wear your heart on your sleeve, take your chances. At least let the person in somehow on how you might feel about them. You may not get the chance again, and if it doesn't work out, just remember that maybe it was just a step to a greater relationship in your life in the future. Make the most of it now and put yourself on the line, otherwise you'll never know for sure and that will kill you more forever than stewing about some bike parts on her (his) apartment floor. ps. the chick even had the nerve to send me a wedding photo from her wedding on a cruise ship. like i cared..... ok, so i did. I wish I hadn't destroyed all her letters and her photos. Yeah, and she wasn't the only one with the 'haha I'm getting married and not to YOU' letter......at least it wasn't in EMAIL form. Edited September 5, 2005 by regfootball

[Flybrian]

Oh my God...<long pause>...you're gay! -With borrowed liberties from Family Guy. :P

[z28luvr01]

I kinda know where you're coming from....If it wasn't for this type of situation, I'd have had no interaction with women at all. We're both victims of "Nice Guy Sydrome", in that we treat the ones we want with respect. I'd much rather hold the door open for a lady thatn fling her a cheesy pickup line, and you seem like the similar type. Is your guy currently with someone who's obviously 100% wrong for him, or has he previously dated people who are wrong for him? I've been down that road before too, and it's really frustrating when they complain to me about the one they're with. Sorry this turned into more of a rant than anything else, but I feel your pain.

[Paolino]

Oh my God...<long pause>...you're gay!

-With borrowed liberties from Family Guy. :P

[post="9577"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Fly, you didn't know? :P


Reg.. thank you for sharing. I'm at that point where being around him just takes my breath away. I mean, I've been out with so many guys, and no one has ever really felt right for me. I have been meeting crap, I must say... and when I met him, I just dropped my jaw... I mean, absolutely brilliant, hard-working, gorgeous, masculine--what more could I want?

I'm just trying to be "friends" for now, but I won't lie--I keep hoping that one day he'll just look at me differently.

[Paolino]

I kinda know where you're coming from....If it wasn't for this type of situation, I'd have had no interaction with women at all. We're both victims of "Nice Guy Sydrome", in that we treat the ones we want with respect. I'd much rather hold the door open for a lady thatn fling her a cheesy pickup line, and you seem like the similar type. Is your guy currently with someone who's obviously 100% wrong for him, or has he previously dated people who are wrong for him? I've been down that road before too, and it's really frustrating when they complain to me about the one they're with.

Sorry this turned into more of a rant than anything else, but I feel your pain.

[post="9581"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

No, he's been out of a relationship for a little more than a year. He just knew his last bf wasn't for him.

And you're right, the nice guys are really getting screwed--just not literally! :P

[regfootball]

Fly, you didn't know?  :P
Reg.. thank you for sharing.  I'm at that point where being around him just takes my breath away.  I mean, I've been out with so many guys, and no one has ever really felt right for me.  I have been meeting crap, I must say... and when I met him, I just dropped my jaw... I mean, absolutely brilliant, hard-working, gorgeous, masculine--what more could I want?

I'm just trying to be "friends" for now, but I won't lie--I keep hoping that one day he'll just look at me differently.

[post="9584"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Don't let the friends bit go too long before you start to let them know how you really feel. If you wait too long, its much tougher.

[Flybrian]

Fly, you didn't know?  :P

[post="9584"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Yeah, I knew. Just referencing the time Brian was (again) giving Peter advice regarding something and his reaction is, "Oh my God! You can talk!"

[Sixty8panther]

I met this girl Julie when I was in College, we went on a few casual dates and I introduced her to my then best friend Alex who was married. A year later Alex is divorced and living wiht Julie. <_< Me and Julie ended up just really good friends. Anotehr year and a half goes by and I'm wiht Marcia but things are a little rough. We're togeather but just out of convenience. Alex and Julie are half-broken up too. He's now living in W.Virginia and finally fulfilled his lifelong dream of being a cop. I end up cheating on Marcia with Julie. She finds out and now I'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. Also I lost Julie as a friend. :rolleyes: :( In hindsight I did it more to get back at Alex then anything else. He stabbed me in the back and lied and manipulated e to get closer to Julie when we were just casually dating. Edited September 5, 2005 by Sixty8panther

[Nick]

Well, I haven't been in your position Paulie, but I have actually been in the opposite position...(yes...me...i know...kinda wierd right?)...I mean, you think, me being the guy who has never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl, never done anything but looked at naked pictures of them on the internet would get into any relationship I can...but I have been in several situations where the girl thought i was a great guy and really hot, but I just didnt feel the same way...hell, I am still in several of those situations right now...I can name off atleast 5 girls who think I am hott and want to be with me, but I just dont feel the same...the other problem is a couple are too young, a couple are in band or colorguard ('nuff said right? :P) And I'm just not attracted...I mean, they would be fine for bootycall I guess, but I am 18, and having no relationship before I have kinda turned pussy in that I don't want my first time to be a waste...after all this time of not experiencing any thing I want my first time of whatever to be worth it... Not to steal the thread or anything...I'm just stating it from another point of view...not that you can use it for comparison...I'm a special case really...you don't find to many never been kissed, never had a girlfriend, virgin 18 year old guys...

[regfootball]

this is a brief humor break not really on topic here but perhaps some can identify with. This is like on the funniest onion stories of all time. I kind of sheds light on how one person can be caught up in another but the other is being cruel. or psycho.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29357

[mute]

just so ya know im kinda in a situation like that, but she loves me, cares about me unconditionally, cant live without me, yet she doesnt want to commit cuz shes afraid shell hurt me ir ill hurt her

[Cremazie]

Well, I fell head over heels for my best friend, I couldn't help it. We used to hang out all the time, do everything together. We lived together in University and I told him I loved him, but he didn't feel the same since he likes girls... (I never really did get over him) I feel for you Paolino, I really do!

[Paolino]

I tell you, it's frustrating as all hell! I feel like I'm on a cloud when I'm hanging out with him... I mean, I can honestly say, no guy has EVER made me feel the way he does.

[Cremazie]

I tell you, it's frustrating as all hell!  I feel like I'm on a cloud when I'm hanging out with him... I mean, I can honestly say, no guy has EVER made me feel the way he does.

[post="9728"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

So are you still spending time with him now?

[Paolino]

It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

So are you still spending time with him now?

[post="9730"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Oh hell yeah... I can't get enough. We're not going to be hanging out too often because of work starting up again, but we talk every day. I look forward to the conversations, he's brilliant and funny. We just have a good time together.

[Cremazie]

Do you even want to get over him, because it sounds like you still think it is possible to be with him. I may be wrong, but I have to be away from the guy for some time before I can get over them, It's like an addiction!

[Paolino]

Do you even want to get over him, because it sounds like you still think it is possible to be with him. I may be wrong, but I have to be away from the guy for some time before I can get over them, It's like an addiction!

[post="9758"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Well, you're right on that count... I don't want to get over him. I just want it to work out. It's really frustrating in that sense--I know that with the less time I'll be spending with him I'll feel less of the attraction, but in the same regards, I just want to practically marry him and spend every moment with him! lol

[Chris_Doane]

It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

[post="9730"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Man isn't that the truth. :( :angry:

[ocnblu]

I've been down this road a few times in my life. It starts as a friendship, then grows until I find I want to be with the guy all the time (nothing sexual, just a mutually caring, close friendship). He seems like he feels the same way, at least for a while. Then he gets a girlfriend (it's always a single guy this happens with) and it's all over. I can't blame them, (well maybe a little for accepting all my attention) I have to blame myself for setting myself up for heartache over and over.

Paulie, I hope you can find a way to let him know you love him. WHAT IF... he feels the same way as you do? Let him know... either you win his love, or lose his friendship, which is probably better for you in the long run if he doesn't feel the same.

I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend. It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.

[Cremazie]

I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend.  It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.

[post="9849"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

I know what that is like, straight people forget that I'm gay and think it is great that I care so much, and then they end up getting girlfriends and don't even bother to hang out anymore. Even the guys that I didn't have strong feelings for all do the same thing. It' real hard when your not a queen tearing up the clubs, I get hit on by girls way too much, and never hit on by a guy.. it's like I am a gay leper but chicks dig me!

[mustang84]

I can't believe I've missed this topic. I too suffer from the dreaded "nice guy syndrome." I'm just too god damn nice. At this stage in my life, girls don't want a nice guy...they want a daring guy, but that's not who I am. There is this one girl in my classes that I just feel would be absolutely perfect for me...we have similar interests (she's into muscle cars *thumbs up*), kinda laid back personalities, have every single class together...but she has some crazy rule that she won't date guys from the same major. I don't know if she's noticed that I've showed some interest in her, but some days we'll be pretty close, and others it seems like we're merely just acquaintances. She's kind of a loner when it comes to relationships though...she's an attractive and popular girl, but her last couple relationships ended pretty badly and I don't know if that's part of the problem why she distances herself so much. Ever since my last girlfriend, I've been striking out quite a bit. I think I'm setting my standards too high, but I don't want some ditzy sorority chick or someone that has little ambition about what they want to do in life. I think another part of the problem is that I'm always busy...everytime I start getting close to someone, I get bogged down with projects and schoolwork. I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait it out until I'm 25, out of college, have a steady job, etc...I hear that's when the girls are looking to settle down with the nice guys.

[Paolino]

I've been down this road a few times in my life.  It starts as a friendship, then grows until I find I want to be with the guy all the time (nothing sexual, just a mutually caring, close friendship).  He seems like he feels the same way, at least for a while.  Then he gets a girlfriend (it's always a single guy this happens with) and it's all over.  I can't blame them, (well maybe a little for accepting all my attention) I have to blame myself for setting myself up for heartache over and over.

Paulie, I hope you can find a way to let him know you love him.  WHAT IF... he feels the same way as you do?  Let him know... either you win his love, or lose his friendship, which is probably better for you in the long run if he doesn't feel the same.

I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend.  It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.

[post="9849"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Oh, ocn, he knows... we've talked about it. He's been great about it all too.. he hasn't changed at all knowing I like him, however, he's not likin' me back :P

As for not being "obvious"... I kinda like my men that way ;) He's got this ridiculously deep voice, built like a tank, into every sport on the face of the earth--hell, he's even been with like a thousand girls before. And yes, he's gay. :rolleyes:

[Paolino]

I can't believe I've missed this topic.  I too suffer from the dreaded "nice guy syndrome."  I'm just too god damn nice.  At this stage in my life, girls don't want a nice guy...they want a daring guy, but that's not who I am.

There is this one girl in my classes that I just feel would be absolutely perfect for me...we have similar interests (she's into muscle cars *thumbs up*), kinda laid back personalities, have every single class together...but she has some crazy rule that she won't date guys from the same major.  I don't know if she's noticed that I've showed some interest in her, but some days we'll be pretty close, and others it seems like we're merely just acquaintances.  She's kind of a loner when it comes to relationships though...she's an attractive and popular girl, but her last couple relationships ended pretty badly and I don't know if that's part of the problem why she distances herself so much.

Ever since my last girlfriend, I've been striking out quite a bit.  I think I'm setting my standards too high, but I don't want some ditzy sorority chick or someone that has little ambition about what they want to do in life.  I think another part of the problem is that I'm always busy...everytime I start getting close to someone, I get bogged down with projects and schoolwork.

I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait it out until I'm 25, out of college, have a steady job, etc...I hear that's when the girls are looking to settle down with the nice guys.

[post="9927"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Don't lower your standards--it's very important, otherwise you won't be happy. I know that for a fact. You'll find the right one, I'm sure! She's out there--you just have to give it a lot of time, and above all, patience!

[Cremazie]

I might be new to the "community" but how many gay ppl are on this page? because there appears to be more than I thought!

[Paolino]

I might be new to the "community" but how many gay ppl are on this page? because there appears to be more than I thought!

[post="9954"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

There are apparently a few. Everyone on this site, straight or gay, is really friendly... you'll enjoy it :)

[Cremazie]

There are apparently a few.  Everyone on this site, straight or gay, is really friendly... you'll enjoy it :)

[post="9978"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

In the meantime, the friend of mine that I really liked called me tonight... kinda funny considering I hadn't talked about him in months and this is the first time he called in over a year! *sigh* and I still miss him.

[tmp]

I've had the same thing happen to me. The last one was a long time ago- it wasn't a lot of fun, but I got over it. Sadly, we didn't remain friends. He drifted from just partying into serious drug addiction long about the time that I had decided that hard-partying just wasn't for me.

[Paolino]

I've had the same thing happen to me.  The last one was a long time ago- it wasn't a lot of fun, but I got over it. 

Sadly, we didn't remain friends.  He drifted from just partying into serious drug addiction long about the time that I had decided that hard-partying just wasn't for me.

[post="9990"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Oh, sorry to hear :( I knew a friend who when he came out just went crazy into the whole "gay scene"... bars, clubs, wild sex, drugs, drinking, etc. I had been friends with him for a few years... but I wasn't into that life at all and didn't want to be dragged in.

It's rough when you lose someone, friend or more.

As for John (his name), well, we're both teachers and he and I are going through our ritual sobbing the night before school begins (it's not just for kids, ya know!), and he's already arranging dinners with me during the following weeks.

It's odd, because I LOVE spending time, but in the same respect, I dread spending time with him--just knowing that it's not going to go any further. We'll just have to see.

I mean, I don't foresee losing him as a friend, which is great--I just hope I don't end up with a broken heart in the future.

[Cory Wolfe]

Well... I've been in the opposite situation with a twist before instead. :P It was Bekah. We knew each other for a while, but didn't hang out much or anything. Not exactly friends until her cousin from across the country liked me, I guess, and wanted to meet me. She always came here for the summer each year. We finally met two years ago. Well, last summer, we all started to hang out and became good friends. Then her cousin left. I just looked at her as a friend, but I guess she really liked me. Finally, a friend of hers told me and asked me out for her. I was caught off-gaurd for the most part. I didn't really like her, but since I haven't had a girl for while and was having some issues, I said yes to see what could happen. Well... I can't get her off my mind. I'm in love. However, she has since broken up with me and either just views me as a friend or completely hates me. I still love her. I told her... I'm still single. *sigh*

[Paolino]

Well... I've been in the opposite situation with a twist before instead. :P

It was Bekah. We knew each other for a while, but didn't hang out much or anything. Not exactly friends until her cousin from across the country liked me, I guess, and wanted to meet me. She always came here for the summer each year. We finally met two years ago. Well, last summer, we all started to hang out and became good friends. Then her cousin left. I just looked at her as a friend, but I guess she really liked me. Finally, a friend of hers told me and asked me out for her. I was caught off-gaurd for the most part. I didn't really like her, but since I haven't had a girl for while and was having some issues, I said yes to see what could happen. Well... I can't get her off my mind. I'm in love. However, she has since broken up with me and either just views me as a friend or completely hates me. I still love her. I told her... I'm still single. *sigh*

[post="10016"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Sorry man, that's rough :(

[Mike The Canadian]

I feel like I'm on a cloud

[post="9728"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Sure that isnt your Century? :P

Joking..

now in all seriousness....

I am in a very very simular situation, have been for years. I personally think it's too late for me to get this girl (I think Mute knows what i'm talking about lol)
I just waited too long, and got way to close, so now I just gotta settle for friends, i'm sure maybe theres a bit of a chance I can do it, but now is definatley not the time....maybe in a couple of years when we're both older....

Good luck paulie, hopefully all will work out for you ;)

[Paolino]

Hey Paolino, this should cheer you up.

I have a bunch of friends that are guys, some of which are gay. This has been somewhat of a hinderance to my love life (or lack of it). Women think that because I hang around them, that I'm gay, which I'm not, so they won't even give me a chance. This hasn't stopped them from hanging off of my gay friends, who have women hanging off of them like fringes off a coat. So apparently I'm gay enough to get guys but not gay enough to get women  :wacko: .

The most frustrating part of this debacle is that once or twice a year I have to deal with one of my friends or another getting mad at me because I'm not gay. They go on about how they like me, how we were meant to be together, and if I'll reconsider.

Has anyone else ever had this problem?

[post="10066"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

Haha--well, not the same, but I had a straight friend of mine actually say that if he was gay we'd be great together LOL I guess it just spawned off of the fact that we both have the same sense of humor.

I have felt that way about a straight friend or two, but never got angry at them... it's not like it's a choice to just start liking guys--so it's not like they can "convert" to gaydom or something like that ;) Just like I can't convert to "straight"... although my mom would just LOVE that. <_<

[Drew Dowdell]

We have a suprisingly large gay population here on C&G

[regfootball]

There are apparently a few.  Everyone on this site, straight or gay, is really friendly... you'll enjoy it :)

[post="9978"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

and some of us who aren't gay maybe are effeminate. Or just not rifle totin, raw meat eatin, hunt it yourself, women slappin, strappin he men.

But i gotta tell ya, I do enjoy a nice strappin woman. strong and stout. I just don't get into smoky burnouts. Edited September 6, 2005 by regfootball

[Cory Wolfe]

:huh:

[wpbharry]

Reggie, you silly goose. You enjoy hunting for the man meat as much as I do. And boy are you a strapping one at that. I'd love to toss you in the ol Maxx and get it arockin. Too bad the sunshades are still broken. I like my privacy. Maybe Paulie can stand guard to watch for the nasties. You can sneak a peak too sexy. You know you want to. Oh can't forget my Joshie. He can bring the all-beef weiners and I'll bring the DingDongs. We'll have a camp in. Can't forget Ocn, my big sexy manbeast. Bring the twinkies. Yum. I can taste the sausages already. Edited September 6, 2005 by wpbharry

[regfootball]

I can't believe I've missed this topic.  I too suffer from the dreaded "nice guy syndrome."  I'm just too god damn nice.  At this stage in my life, girls don't want a nice guy...they want a daring guy, but that's not who I am.

There is this one girl in my classes that I just feel would be absolutely perfect for me...we have similar interests (she's into muscle cars *thumbs up*), kinda laid back personalities, have every single class together...but she has some crazy rule that she won't date guys from the same major.  I don't know if she's noticed that I've showed some interest in her, but some days we'll be pretty close, and others it seems like we're merely just acquaintances.  She's kind of a loner when it comes to relationships though...she's an attractive and popular girl, but her last couple relationships ended pretty badly and I don't know if that's part of the problem why she distances herself so much.

Ever since my last girlfriend, I've been striking out quite a bit.  I think I'm setting my standards too high, but I don't want some ditzy sorority chick or someone that has little ambition about what they want to do in life.  I think another part of the problem is that I'm always busy...everytime I start getting close to someone, I get bogged down with projects and schoolwork.

I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait it out until I'm 25, out of college, have a steady job, etc...I hear that's when the girls are looking to settle down with the nice guys.

[post="9927"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

stang buddy, your first mistake (aside from architecture as a career) is to attempt to date a woman in architecture. Females and architecture are a deadly mix. The women in architecture are often messed up and unstable, and just out of whack. I still remember my crush on Michelle in my first high school drafting class back in '84. She had an Ally Sheedy kind of cuteness (MAN OH MAN that DATES ME) and an aloofness I couldn't stay away from. Well, what saved me was, yes she had a boyfriend. Over time I found out how f'ed up she was. That still doesn't keep me from remembering my favorite fantasy about her, being with her in her bedroom in her parent's house, getting down with T-squares and 'french curves'. Oh, I loved her SOOOO much, and she was just a FREAK. She had a bit of a moustache, which I dig a hint of on chicks (but that's another story). Just that slightest bit of facial hair above the lip and MMMMMMMMMMMM, its Christmas!

On to college. I would say in my college there was about 40-60 women in our program and maybe about 15-20% were women. In my year, I cannot think of ONE that didn't have some big issue. And that's not just me talking. No doubt there's a few that are normal, and fun, and behave normally towards men, but....

Where I work we recently hired a drafter from another firm in town, a firm that employs someone I used to go to college with. I asked new dude if he knew 'Laurie'. He said yeah, but that she's really like 'anti-men' and stuff and just very moody in a wierd sort of way in general. Hehe, I said 'no surprise there'. This was a chick who was very cute and many of the buddies of mine wanted to get with her. And she had her 'group' of other women and seemingly gay men that she would converse with and she would converse in acadmeic settings. But she never seemingly had dates, much less a boyfriend all those years.

Now, I never heard whether she was a lesbian, but if she was, 15-20 years later, i WOULD have heard about it by now.

Pretty much every other women in architecture is 'beyond the mainstream'. Proceeed with serious caution. You just don't get the same types of women in architecture that exist in normal society. They all have head issues to a degree and they are not always the hottest ones out there either.

Disclaimer, my last job I got to know someone/woman who was at the same college as I went to, just a year apart. We hit it off great and are still super friends, we even talked about going into business together. And she's hot. But I even admit, there's still enough about her that would make me ever question my compatibility with her in any setting, although I sure wish I had known her this well in college. Yeah, baby!

If you must co-hab with someone who knows the difference between plans and sections, try interior designers. THEY have social skills, often dress more killer, and are fun to boot. And they don't have all the head cases. Still, in the scheme of things, maybe its best to avoid them too if you want to share something in life besides the ability to read drawings and talk design.

Its interesting, so many architects get married to each other. Why? because architects are typically such insane personalities and hard to deal with, they like to share the pain and become an exponenetially worse as a couple. You will find many I.D./architect couples, but there is a ton of architects that shack up together, cause they are sometimes repellant individually to others and no one else wants to be with someone so offbeat.

disclaimer again, not ALL of them are like that, but many.

I married a music major. Its a nice mix. My buddy married a pharmacist. Now she works and he stays home with the kids, cause he was making like half of what she made.

Stang, I can tell you're not one of the 'head cases' in your architecture classes. You're a real guy, a good normal, hard working, fun loving guy like the rest of us. My advice, spend more time occasionally outside the studio and start hanging out with as many different girls in other majors you can, as often as you can. You'll find happier girls, and often they will be more interesting and more friendly. And I know this is shallow, but they'll likely be on track to make some nice coin too. Don't like abandon your group of friends in studio, but if you're needing to find some ladies, just diversify. Maybe you already have.

I know I'm stereotyping, but often stereotypes are for a reason. BUt I apologize anyways. I've rarely known a woman in my field who isn't 'off the beaten path'.

Again, Paulie, sorry if this is off topic, just need to set stangman aside and throw 5 cents worth of advice in his ear. Edited September 6, 2005 by regfootball

[regfootball]

ok, now i'm freaked out, or I'm LOL>........ nope, men do NOTHING for me, sorry mr. hairy palm.......

[Nick]

I'm starting to get desperate...I need to get some...I need lovin too ya know...(sorry my friends of the rainbow...I'm not into that) but I am in dire need of someone...I mean, I'm 18...I need help...I have problems getting anyone...I've never been kissed, never had sex, never been in any relationship with any girl...I have had plenty of opportunities at some booty call, but they have all been screwed up somehow, or I just didnt want to do it because I am 18 and after all this time I want the first time to be good...not some fugly chick or some random person who I just met... I just dont know what to do though...

[regfootball]

well, for starters, be patient for a bit more, it'll come around. lots of opportunities arise from simply haging out with a lot of people and meeting their friends and going to parties etc. Sometimes you don't hit that stuff that hard until after 18.... realize too that a lot about trying to get a mate is emotionally stroking them......and that's the tough part.

[Nick]

well, the biggest issue is, I really only have like 1 friend who i hang out with...I don't know many people and I don't go out too much...so getting to know people is a problem...

[Cory Wolfe]

Hmm... Well, Nick, all I can say is that a random person is better than no person. I mean, my first time was with this girl that I just met. It was exactly two years ago at that Homecoming I talked about. She wasn't from around here and was desperate as I was. I wasn't planning on it, but she was hanging all over me and wanted to go for a walk. Needless to say, that was the best walk of my life. Once the weekend was over, she left and I haven't seen or talked to her yet. I don't regret it or anything... It's better than waiting and dreaming, again. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be a virgin since me and Bekah were never quite ready. Although, I never told her about that and she thinks I am a virgin....

[mustang84]

Wow, lots of good advice from reg there. My studio is made up of about 70 people, and probably 30-40% are girls. Many of them, like you say, are headcases. You get the ones that are so caught up in architecture that they have no time (or need) for anything else....arch is their life. I'd say out of all the girls in my studio, about three to five of them are down to earth and normal. The rest either have their emotional fits or are just too liberal for me (I'm a straight up moderate kinda guy...extremism on either side bothers me, as do feminists...which there are WAAAY too many of in architecture). Anyway, this one girl just seems right for me. It's the type of girl I've been looking for for a while. We've grown up in similar families, have similar interests, and at times there has felt like a connection. I'll admit I'm somewhat shy (I've been that way since I was a kid), but ever since college I've kinda gotten over that. Something inside me says just move on and forget about her because it'll probably never happen, but it's hard when you see her every single day in every single class (I even sit next to her in two classes). I've started branching out and meeting girls around the res hall, but like I said, it's hard to be in studio and be hanging out with them. There's this one girl down the hall who is from California, brunette and attractive, but it's frustrating because even the short couple weeks we've known each other it's already going to s*** due to me being in studio all the time. Studio kills social life, period. The bad thing is, I know everyone in studio almost too well. Some people you get along with better than others...but sometimes you just want to get away from there because nothing ever changes. It's so predictable. Although, sometimes it can be extremely fun (I can remember some hilarious late night antics last year). The problem with hanging out with Interior Design girls is that we are in two separate buildings. The Design College stuck the architecture students in an old 1920s gym with no A/C, while ID, Community & Regional Planning, and Art & Design are in the nice 1970s COD building with its five story glass atrium. We're "supposed" to be getting a new studio sometime in the near future, but I doubt it'll be before I graduate...the University is penny pinching right now due to budget cuts. So in summary, I'm around arch students nearly 24/7. We're isolated in our own building and the amount of free time I have is decreasing by the week. This girl is the only one who has caught my eye that I see often...but her rule about not dating arch guys just kills me. I think my only solution is to get my work done quickly and efficiently so I can have free time on the weekends to get out and and hang out with some other girls. But in architecture, it seems like the work is never-ending...

[Cremazie]

and some of us who aren't gay maybe are effeminate.  Or just not rifle totin, raw meat eatin, hunt it yourself, women slappin, strappin he men.

But i gotta tell ya, I do enjoy a nice strappin woman.  strong and stout.  I just don't get into smoky burnouts.

[post="10101"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

As I see it most of the cavemen still can't figure out how to use a computer!
B)

[Paolino]

Nick... All I can say is, it will happen. Take it slow. I have to tell you, a lot of women would probably take pleasure in being your first time. Just, be careful to take it slow, and if something doesn't feel right, stop... don't force yourself. You have your whole life to get laid, trust me! And use something damnit! :)

[Nick]

it's not even about getting laid...I mean, while it may sound sappy and pathetic, I mostly just want someone to be there for me and to share my feelings with and likewise. You know, someone to just hold in your arms and be with...It doesn't have to be about sex and making out and whatnot...while that is fine and everything, there is more to it than that...If I was younger I probably would be wanting more of that, but being that I am somewhat older now, I want whatever happens to be right the first time and to be with someone who isn't just a booty call...

[mute]

it's not even about getting laid...I mean, while it may sound sappy and pathetic, I mostly just want someone to be there for me and to share my feelings with and likewise. You know, someone to just hold in your arms and be with...It doesn't have to be about sex and making out and whatnot...while that is fine and everything, there is more to it than that...If I was younger I probably would be wanting more of that, but being that I am somewhat older now, I want whatever happens to be right the first time and to be with someone who isn't just a booty call...

[post="10354"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]

amen to that brother, the girl im into (and is also mega in love with me im finding out) and i have never kissed but once and a while, like sat, we were soo close together, emotionally, that kissing seemed so perfect to strengthen our relationship, mind you we arent really dating, and shes supposed to be involved with some dude, but she told me she wished we had, i pulled away cuz i wanted to show respect for her and the dudes she involved with, wish i hadnt now cuz she wishes we had kissed long and passionately

now even though that story kinda sucked as far as agreeing, i agree my relationship with her is so amazing on a romantic and emotional level that i dont mind not kissing her or anything, just giving her a hug when im not at my best or talking to her makes me grin from ear to ear . . . . ahhhh

[sciguy_0504]

I should come to the lounge more often. Some of these topics are interesting and come out of no where. Talking only about cars can get boring, I know. You guys hit the nail on the head with your comments. I know exactly how some of you feel. My biggest problem is not being able to come out and fully say "I like you." I try to make that clear through flirting, etc. I guess I need to grow some balls.

[Mach5GTP]

Wow, does this thread bring back memories...

I too ahve been down "the one-sided road"- hell, I practically "adopted" a stretch of that road, like the Boy Scouts do! :P

My advice, speaking as a straight, married 34y.o. male, is as follows: don't be blinded so much by what you want that you miss other opportunities. In college, I was mad about a girl, I'll call her M. She lived near me (I still lived w/ my parents), so I would drive her to school and home most days. We shared a few classes, so we hung out a lot at school, and even afterwards to study. We were pretty close, but our relationship was purely platonic, since she had a BF and didn't (sigh) "think of me that way". But I convinced myself that if I stayed close to her, someday she would see (ugh) what a great catch I was and she would be mine.

I became so obsessed w/ her, that I totally ignored other girls I knew who, in hindsight, seemed pretty interested in me. One was M's roommate, J, a fun-loving, kick-boxing free spirit. She would find me studying alone in the science library, and proceed to push my materials aside and sprawl herself, half seductively, half jokingly, across the table. She would hint at wanting me to go back to her hometown with her to meet her family and friends. We even went out a few times on what might have been "dates". We were pretty close, too, but I was thick as 5 posts and couldn't see what could have been. And oh, what could have been! :booyah:

There was another girl, and the story is similar; she was more shy but always sat next to me in class and such. Sometimes I would sit with my foot on the seat, knee raised up, and she would tickle my knee, sending a very strong sensation straight to a certain male region. :omfg: And I never did a thing because I was waiting for "the big one". Which of course never happened.

My point (and I do have one) is that you should not limit yourself to this friend who makes you feel so good- keep your eyes open, don't shut out others who may look at you the same way you look at this friend, for in a few years, the butt you kick may be your own. Good luck and for God's sake have some fun!