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I know you're put into a corner when you'll do anything to defend your EVs and your Escalade. It's tough to admit that your Escalade isn't wore out but you're trying to say 20 year old cars are all worn out at the same time.

Less complex auto....that needs pampering. Keep it cool, but not cold. Don't park it outside in the heat or it will degrade faster. Look for shade, especially when charging. Don't charge it too fast, or it will degrade faster. Know what battery chemistry you have because keeping the state of charge between 20% and 80% is best, unless you have a LFP battery. LFP batteries can accept full charges and last longer, possibly. There's been a study going against that, too. You and everybody else here knows I like EVs. I would love a Lightning or an R1S/R1T. I'm just not going to sit and read a BS article that tries to say EV batteries last longer than an ICE, because that's not what it's saying. It isn't saying it lasts longer than an internal combustion ENGINE. The batteries can last longer than the VEHICLE. An internal combustion ENGINE will still outlast an EV's battery. ~64% capacity after 20 years makes most anything out today worthless at 20 years old, unless you are the original owner. Nobody is buying an EV9 with ~150 miles of range in 20 years. People will still but an ICE vehicle that's 20 years old because they're almost certainly just a tune-up away from near-new running condition.

Every once in a while, I crave a Brazilian steakhouse buffet ... like now.

No, it is not. A 20 year old ICE vehicle is not losing any SIGNIFICANT amount of range or power output. So you're basically saying your Escalade is a piece of junk at this point? It's 20 years old. I think we both know it's probably pretty close to OEM status when it comes to output and range, right? Even if they aren't as simple as a good tune-up away, they are still way closer to factory output and range than a 20 year old EV will be.