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NOS2006

Ever Feel Like Your Life Could Be a Movie's Plot?

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So, as most of you know, I have a best friend named Ray. Here's what I knew about him for the last 18-20 months until yesterday: 19 years old, black child living in a less black-than-white metro-Detroit community, grew up in Laguna Beach until he was 8, his dad died when Ray was 8, mom died when he was 12, and he's lived in MI since being 8 with his grandfather because of financial reasons.

Well, yesterday at my graduation party, I asked Darren something (Ray's brother; I don't remember what I had asked) and he was confused. Now, this was something he would've known, but didn't. So I asked on: Your mom is alive? "Yes," was his answer.. with a questioned look on his face. "Wait, how about your father?" Again, he answered yes. "Are you and Ray pure, true blood brothers from the same two parents?" For a third time, he answered yes.

Wow, I was flabbergasted; as was my mom, dad, sister, boss (he came w/ his family and knows "the story" behind Ray's life as much as I do), and a co-worker. At the same time, Darren was looking at us like we were stupid for not knowing his parents hadn't passed away.

So, then comes some good information, explaining Ray. Turns out that his father is a karate instructor (as Ray's always explained) and beat Ray physically and mentally before Ray's parents split. Ray was 8, matching his explanation: "my father died when I was 8." Then, over the next 4 years, Ray did live with his grandfather, but his mom ongoingly harrassed him for reasons unknown to me. At the age of 12, Ray said his mom passed away. However, in all reality, his mom is still alive and well, communicating with Darren from time to time, but hasn't talked to Ray in 7 years: since he was 12.

Therefore, this is what I'm getting out of it after talking with my parents, Darren, and co-worker (who led a very similar young life: black child in nice white community, mom walking out on him, says his mom is dead although she's only "dead" to him, etc.): Ray remembers only the good things about his parents while they were "alive" to him, which is why we always thought his parents were good people. This is a very psychologically-tuned area (Enzora would probably love a case like this) where he pushes out the bad things he remembers, trying to only remember the good. He doesn't communicate with either of his parents because of their past with him, so when anything good coming from his parents quit and all bad things began, Ray put a tombstone right there, marking a figurative death in his heart, with lack of an actual physical death.

Now, Darren still talks to his mom from time to time and occasionally with his father, but Ray has moved on past his parents who were no good to him. I've agreed to not mention anything from last night to Ray because it'd probably make him feel terrible bringing up old memories. The only thing though is that I don't understand why his parents were so bad to him because both Ray and Darren are very respectable, responsible people who care for and love their family and friends. But, this does explain why he seems to lack trust in some people and he's always saying that he "doesn't like people who don't like him without knowing him" (he gets harrassed by random strangers about his car, even to the point of flipping him off because of it): his parents didn't even know him as a person because he was only a kid who was beat all the time. They seem to have hated him for reasons unknown.

Anyways, I thought I'd share. It was a crazy story to me and thought it'd be something Enzora (along with others) would like to hear.. and the perfect plot for a story.

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I don't know if "like to hear" is the right term, since I'd rather such stories didn't exist at all, but wow. It's amazing what people can do to cope with their lives.

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Yes. My life qualifies. Especially when my brother said that "Mom and Dad make 'Moonstruck' look like the minor leagues." So, yes.

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Guest Josh

I did not know that Frank, and yes Ray is very cool. Everytime we've ever hung out he was cool and respectable. Sad to hear about the kid, but the silver lining is, he's moved on and has come to some sort of inner peace regarding his parents which is good for him.

Closure is needed and Ray found a way to cope and move on. Props to Ray.

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If you look up "dysfunctional family" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of us.

I gave my sister a photo I found in my dad's things a few years ago. In the photo, my blood father (maybe) is standing in front of his '49 Olds. Beside him is my mother's second husband and in that man's arms (he was 6'3") is her current (so far) husband (who is about 5'3"). I put the caption: "All my father's" across the top of the picture and framed it. My mother ran off with my father's best friend when I was 6, then ran off with both their best friends about 15 years later. All three of these men went to school together.

My mother's sister did the same thing. When her first husband gassed himself (because he was sleeping with his daughter and my aunt found out), she ran off to Vancouver with his best friend. Then when the money was gone, he left and she married a business associate of theirs. My grandmother married her husband's best friend in 1950 (surely a scandal back then!) and when he died of a heart attack in 1968 (by working three jobs to keep her in fur coats and pearls), she married his best friend and also moved to Vancouver.

For my 18th birthday, my mother informed me that the man whom she married in 1960 may NOT have been my father. In fact, they broke off their engagement in the Spring of 1960 and while she had a wild summer, she realized she was pregnant and they got married in October 1960. I was born 5 months later. Hmmm. At 18, I apparently was the spitting image of some guy she was "dating" in the summer of 1960.

Both my sisters are currently divorced. My youngest sister having slept with one of the manager's in our (then) company we had together - they are (for now) married.

With all these female role models, is it any wonder I am gay? In fact, the only reason I think I escaped this family in one piece (I haven't spoken to my mother in 5 years and my father killed himself in 1985 - long after they divorced) is because I had a "gay shield." LOL

So, should my memoirs be in Science Fiction, comedy, or horror?

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