As a gay man whose extended family consists of conservative evangelists from Mississippi and almost too moderate for comfort farmers from Iowa, I can understand where you are coming from. I'm not quite sure what is worse-getting hateful looks and random disrespectful side comments from my neo-con relatives, or all of my moderate relatives who just are not willing to recognize it's existence. Sometimes I get more frustrated with the silence honestly. It is much easier to respond to anger with strength than it is to respond to those who are just uncomfortable... Luckily for me my immediate family is very very open, so much so that my mom often says, "thank god I was blessed with a gay son who could buy me decent Christmas gifts I'll actually USE!"
I am proud of you for responding so well with your relatives. It takes a lot more strength than many would think to hold your ground like that-especially when it could risk alienating your other relatives. It shows wisdom for you to not allow your children to face that kind of ignorance in your home. ;-)
-J