So there I am hanging out on the Quad during break in my raincoat, Prada of course, looking for fresh recruits. I spot the campus jock walking across the field. I saunter up to him and say "Why don't you be gay? You get lots of sex, but your family will disown you, your teammates will beat you up, landlords won't rent to you, and bosses will fire you" To which he replies, "WHERE DO I SIGN UP!!?!"
I tell him, "First you need to get out of those old stonewashed jeans an into something more form fitting so that it shows off your package better and meet me at the Starbucks across from the gay bar to prepare for initiation... oh.. and bring pomade.... we'll have plenty of lube."
I radio the GAY AGENDA for this evening back to Homo headquarters in San Fran for approval..... and include pics.
New Homo-jock shows up at the Starbucks at 9pm..... I stroll in around 9:20, fashionably late of course, and order myself a grande, spiced pumpkin latte, soy milk, no whip, with a shot of vanilla.
New Homo-jock, looking a bit nervous, glances around to see if anyone is watching. "I'm not so sure about this.", he whispers. "Oh HUSH!", I say, "With that hair, that ass, and those cheekbones, you were just born to be gay!"
"But I don't even like Cher!" he whines. "That's ok sweetheart, you have plenty of divas to choose from. There's Madonna, Celine, Babs, Judy, Liza..."
The rest of the initiation gang shows up... unfashionably late (rolls eyes dramatically)... and after putting in orders that make the Starbucks baristta want to gouge his eyes out with yesterdays petite vanilla scones... begin their assessment. Pomade is applied generously.
Ike offers new homo-jock some tina (god that joke never gets old!) but I wave him away.
"Girls!" I shout, (not a female in the entire store), "It's time to take him over to Babylon. First one to get him into bed is the winner! First to get him to dance on the catwalk with his shirt off covered in body glitter is 1st runner up!"
and so the night of initiation for a new member of the most fabulous clique in the world begins.....