Damn, I get out of a night time graduate accounting class and this thread is still raging.
As much as I like to give ocnblu $h! and as suspicious as he is, I will have to agree with what he said on one issue about societal views: gay men are seen as weak and lesbians are seen as strong. That is, if the gay men are effeminate and the lesbians are masculine. That's how they would be noticed...those who adhere to typical gender roles are more likely to blend in until they TELL US. I disagree on your assessment of the rigidity with which same gender acknowledgment takes place. That USED to be the case. Yes, ALL women have always been allowed to express affection and admiration. That is relaxing for men. All men know what is exemplary (looks, athletic ability, confidence) within their gender. You will now hear "Yeah, we just hired this new person - has good work experience, well-spoken, handsome...I think he'll do well" said by men. In Europe, they are super-relaxed about giving such compliments.
I think the reason for this dichotomy is that if a man is effeminate or weak, he is LESS than what he is supposed to be as a male specimen. On the other hand, if a woman is tough and can take a "bull by the horns," she is MORE than what is ascribed to the female gender. Society always rewards those that are MORE than what they are supposed to be, though in the case of lesbians, that might not be as true because it is usually accompanied by surliness, combativeness and a purposeful desire to act and look less than feminine (I'm talking about bull dykes, now).
I write an awful lot of negative comments about lesbians and few to none about (gay, bisexual, hetero) men and women who don't flaunt their sexuality. The reason I have an issue with lesbians is that I have met many MEAN ones and have had to work for some. Since they are not planning to have a man take care of them, some of them gravitate toward professions and can climb in accounting, architecture and law firms because they won't be rearing children and may not be involved in relationships. How would what lesbians do in bed affect my life? It doesn't. However, if they hate men, have a chip on their shoulder and are interested in keeping me down in my place, then I am impacted, aren't I? Prejudice is well-founded when you are on the receiving end of exclusionary treatment, and this includes some religious sects (Mormons, for instance, are highly nepotistic and hire their own. Well, gee, that impacts me, doesn't it?)
Back to sexuality, I think it is probably true that gay men get more flack than lesbians. However, in my place of work, deviating from the sexual baseline of heterosexuality, so to speak, is only met with coolness when it is (1) nauseatingly apparent, and (2) accompanied by a bad character and attitude. In that case, it is one slightly tomboyish and angry (probable) lesbian that is highly disliked by most people. And why do people dislike her? Because she is a bitch and not because of who she sleeps with.
The problem I see is that society makes this too big of a deal. A few people on the site are real big about proclaiming their sexual proclivities. That's fine. Sometimes, it's humorous. Sometimes, it's excessive. Aren't you much, much more than that so that it becomes something not even worth mentioning? I mean, you have a job, hobbies, skills and interests that what you do for 20 to 30 minutes and, on an occasional basis, shouldn't even define you?
That's my belief... people are much more than their sexuality. This stuff is interesting because having grown up in both the US and in Europe (4 years), there are big differences in the uptightness levels around this whole issue. Still, when it comes to lesbians, I prefer to err on the side of caution.