June 10, 2007
Tokyo, Japan
Toyota Motor, under intense pressure, today announced a recall of the special edition of their Yaris subcompact car. Known as the Yaris Hilton, the unique, black and white striped runabout features a "distressed" pink leather interior. Owners are urged to return the vehicles to a service facility immediately for the following conditions: the horn engages on its own and will not stop blowing, even if the battery is disconnected. Owners report the horn blows constantly until, as it begins to burn out, it becomes so shrill only spayed and neutered neighborhood dogs can hear it. Also, the headlight washers, through a short in the body control computer, may engage on their own, with the driver unable to turn them off. Several incidents of burned-out washer pumps have been reported by hapless owners. A skidding hazard is possible from the large puddles of washer fluid sprayed by the over-active pumps.
What Toyota will do: Toyota Motor will send a scolding letter to all owners of the Yaris Hilton special edition subcompact car, demanding an explanation from them on why this keeps happening. If the owner knows the secret, ancient Japanese password, they may bring their Yaris Hilton special edition subcompact to a service facility to have some of the problems rectified. Specially-trained, all female service crews will be on staff to hand-wash the "distressed" pink leather interior and remove all headlamp washer parts. The horn will be replaced with a super-low note unit (only available through contact with specially-trained all female service crews). Finally, as an extra special service of the Toyota Motor Corporation, the unsightly black stripes will be removed from the Yaris Hilton special edition subcompact car, revealing a pristine, white finish for all the world to see and marvel at for all eternity.
Toyota Motor Corporation, based in Middle America (honest!), has been the worldwide leader in Yaris Hilton special edition subcompact car production since, heck, something like time immemorial, you gullible American bitches!