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ToniCipriani

Personality problems?

11 posts in this topic

Reading this post by trinacriabob, it sparked me to think about my own problems.

I just find it really hard to fit into my own age group now. Not that I'm incredibly smart or anything (in fact to be honest I'm more like the last in the class), but I find myself a bit more comfortable with people in different age groups. However, my best friend told me that relationships with older people are very "surficial" (not sure if this is the right word). No offense, but I find this somewhat true. It's really not like you can take things straight out of the heart and express yourself. It's just different. That sort of turned me off from hanging around older people.

However, trying to get along, I seem to have a lot of problems people in my age group. It's like, to them it's like partying, going clubbing, getting girl/boyfriends, have fun, all that sort of thing is life. But those things get my nerves. Maybe because I live a stricter life myself, and I'm living alone ever since university, plus I try to put a strong face in front of my parents so that they don't have to worry about me all the way back in Hong Kong, I've became more defensive and restrictive about these things. I tend to classify them as "bad", although I know it's definitely not as bad as I think it would be.

What's worse, is this type of "defensiveness" had made people of my age turn away from me. Since this work term, I started living with my best friend, and my "strictness" about things seems to have gotten my friend's nerves. It's like harming our friendship. He tends to avoid me, as if the best friend thing never happened. In a nutshell, it's harming my relationship with my own age group, as if I don't "fit in".

My question is: do I really have a personality problem?

I know this is a car forum... sorry about all the ranting... just a sudden spark in me.

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well i like hanging out with anyone i can just adapt and have fun with a really old genuis or a young partier!

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I don't know about you, but I do... appearantly. I'm seeing a psychiatrist/therapist for my numerous problems. And numerous, I mean literally. I beat his longest interview by 2 hours (4 hours), while his sessions are only 1 hour... gave him the longest treatment plan he's done... and am special, of course. Or so I'm told... :P

I think that should be my member title: The Special Member :D Or "I'm Special"

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I didn't think what I thought would be a benign post would be a new thread. I DON'T think you have a personality problem. You are just coping with stuff that's tossed at you.

For whatever it's worth, try not to be rigid in your expectations of others. That accomplishes nothing. You might just find that friendships and relationships run their course.

I had a friend in ATL and she said "the positives have to outweigh the negatives" about jobs, friends, places you choose to live. When they don't for either party, it's time to move on.

Relax, be yourself, let others be themselves!

Edited by trinacriabob

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I used to be kinda like you in high school...I never went out and partied or did any crazy stuff like a lot of the jocks and preps did. Luckily, my good friends were the same way, so I never felt totally isolated, but there were groups that I just didn't click with because they were the wild and crazy type while I was more of the "good kid" type.

Anyway, I loosened up in college and have discovered that you can still hold the same values and beliefs you have but not be so strict about them. I go out and drink occasionally, but I choose to do it in a responsible manner where I will remember everything the next morning. I don't smoke or do drugs and never plan on doing anything like that, but for the few friends of mine that do, I'm cool with it and don't act uptight around them. That's the key thing...you have to be accepting of something even if you may not agree with it.

Now, of course there are limits...I wouldn't be hanging around with junkies or alcoholics...but people are not 100% perfect, so you have to learn to accept those for what they are and what values they hold.

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When I was in highschool I was very uptight. I never drank. I never did drugs. I looked down on those who did. When I left home (at age 17) and finished the last two years of highschool on my own while working part time, I only got worse. While everyone was bitching about their prom dress and dates, I was worrying about rent. I was also living with my first boyfriend (who was a much older 19). He and a female friend of his from school (he was out of school and working full time) used to hang out once in a while and drop acid. (This WAS the laste '70s!) That made me pretty mad at him.

HOwever, a couple years went by and when a co-worker tried drugs for the first time and raved (no pun intended!) about them for weeks, I started to re-evaluate my own values. I realized I was judgemental and closed minded, which was pretty hard to fathom in a young gay person at that time.

So I lightened up and realized that I should only make claims if I have truly experienced what I am ranting for or against. It was a watershed moment in my life. I loosened up a lot. I partied in moderation and it really opened my eyes to a lot of new things in my life.

I am not promoting partying or drug taking, but I think that good or bad habits formed in our youth will haunt or help us throughout our lives. Experiencing new things is one of those good habits.

I have a lot of flaws, to be sure, but most of my peers and friends who respect me do so because they know I don't throw stones when I live in a glass house!

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I used to be kinda like you in high school...I never went out and partied or did any crazy stuff like a lot of the jocks and preps did.  Luckily, my good friends were the same way, so I never felt totally isolated

Yep. My h.s. friends (and college friends) were not wired that way. We never did any of that stuff. The only trouble (never caught, actually) we caused was usually property related (tp'ing, egging, etc.). Most of my friends were at least A- students and knew where they wanted to go. Popular? No. Worked for me? Yes.

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When I was in highschool I was very uptight.  I never drank. I never did drugs.  I looked down on those who did. 

Bingo. I don't know if I looked down on them but I used to think "man, that is no $h! I wanna be doing." I mean, I would be around friends while they were smoking joints and I wouldn't touch the stuff...I would still hang out with them (you know those public school friends - LOL).

I think I posted this on the cologne thread, but initially I thought the smell of patchouli oil was marijuana. It was on all the surfers and surfer chicks, so, it had to be, ya know.

Incidentally, all of those people who speak of as being popular and cool because they did the drugs and the booze turned out to be boring...they've either become "burnouts" or are now limited and "conservative." Instead, I grew into myself and gained the self-sufficiency and confidence to hop on 747s to go see the world.

Down the road, it just won't matter.

Edited by trinacriabob

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Bingo.  I don't know if I looked down on them but I used to think "man, that is no $h! I wanna be doing."  I mean, I would be around friends while they were smoking joints and I wouldn't touch the stuff...I would still hang out with them (you know those public school friends - LOL).

I think I posted this on the cologne thread, but initially I thought the smell of patchouli oil was marijuana.  It was on all the surfers and surfer chicks, so, it had to be, ya know.

Incidentally, all of those people who speak of as being popular and cool because they did the drugs and the booze turned out to be boring...they've either become "burnouts" or are now limited and "conservative."  Instead, I grew into myself and gained the self-sufficiency and confidence to hop on 747s to go see the world. 

Down the road, it just won't matter.

it goes to show you that (save for serious addiction or people who stupidly start way too early in life) drug use doesn't really have a huge bearing one way or another. it's not something that makes you cool and it's not something that makes you a horrible person. it's also not necessarily something to be looked down upon. all of that includes drinking. the coolness factor of having a cocktail in your hand at a party pales in comparison to what a real personality and a wealth of knowledge and culture can provide.

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Reading this post by trinacriabob, it sparked me to think about my own problems.

I just find it really hard to fit into my own age group now. Not that I'm incredibly smart or anything (in fact to be honest I'm more like the last in the class), but I find myself a bit more comfortable with people in different age groups. However, my best friend told me that relationships with older people are very "surficial" (not sure if this is the right word). No offense, but I find this somewhat true. It's really not like you can take things straight out of the heart and express yourself. It's just different. That sort of turned me off from hanging around older people.

However, trying to get along, I seem to have a lot of problems people in my age group. It's like, to them it's like partying, going clubbing, getting girl/boyfriends, have fun, all that sort of thing is life. But those things get my nerves. Maybe because I live a stricter life myself, and I'm living alone ever since university, plus I try to put a strong face in front of my parents so that they don't have to worry about me all the way back in Hong Kong, I've became more defensive and restrictive about these things. I tend to classify them as "bad", although I know it's definitely not as bad as I think it would be.

What's worse, is this type of "defensiveness" had made people of my age turn away from me. Since this work term, I started living with my best friend, and my "strictness" about things seems to have gotten my friend's nerves. It's like harming our friendship. He tends to avoid me, as if the best friend thing never happened. In a nutshell, it's harming my relationship with my own age group, as if I don't "fit in".

My question is: do I really have a personality problem?

I know this is a car forum... sorry about all the ranting... just a sudden spark in me.

I think you really just want to be older than you really are. I've had the same problem through life, so it's not a big deal. not everyone is big on clubbing or partying or the like, but why do you suppose you're against having fun? surely if you were just more mature than they were and above their level, then you would simply live, and let live, and not be defensive?

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I didn't think what I thought would be a benign post would be a new thread. I DON'T think you have a personality problem.  You are just coping with stuff that's tossed at you.

For whatever it's worth, try not to be rigid in your expectations of others.  That accomplishes nothing.  You might just find that friendships and relationships run their course.

I had a friend in ATL and she said "the positives have to outweigh the negatives" about jobs, friends, places you choose to live.  When they don't for either party, it's time to move on.

Relax, be yourself, let others be themselves!

lots of true items in that post

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