Well being only 25, some may think I'm still too young to have seen and experienced so much crap in my life, but as it turns out my life life has been one obstacle after another from an early age. Without getting into specifics and naming names, I've experienced first hand, the affects alcohol has on a loved one, and myself. I've experienced drugs and went through a phase in my life where they basically were all I did. That lasted from my early teens well into my '20's. I've faced death more times that I can count at this point, and given my current health, I'll be facing it every day until it eventually catches up with me. So I guess where I'm going with this is, if i could change one thing about me it would be my anger. Anger at the world, anger at other people, anger at myself and most importantly anger at God. If there is a God. I've never been much of a religious person, and the things I deal with in my life on a daily basis at this point make it even harder to have faith in something for which I don't know truly exists or not. My ex fiance tried to change me into a totally different person, one who is outgoing and pleasant. I've come to realize that it's just not who I am, I have too many demons in my life that hold me back. I'm a caring person when it comes to people I deem worth caring about, but that is basically the extent of my ability to care. I'm not on good terms with my father, mostly do to my attitude problems and his way of raising me on the notion that your hands talk better than your mouth. I'm not sure where my life is headed, but I know given my health it won't be a good place, and I'm not scared of death ( at this point I rather just get it over with) but I wish in the meantime I could find some peace. But even sitting here writing this, I know I can't. So I guess my suggestion is to sit back and evaluate everything thats been on your mind ( in regards to why you made this thread) and try to find an answer that you can work towards. I don't feel anyone should change for anyone other than themselves, unless you truly want to, because that person means so much to you. I tried for 3 years with my ex, I couldn't do it. Even if things seem to be rough now Camino, remember there is always someone out there who may have it worse. Even with that being said, I myself try to use that to get me through my days, but sometimes I can't see passed my own life. So if you can achieve that, the ability to take your life and what it is at this point, and still be able to be open minded to what others are going through, I think you'll be able to start making some progress towards whatever goals you have for yourself.