Q:  What is the difference between a Tesla and a porcupine?

A:  A Tesla has its pricks on the inside.

Not a joke with a punchline, but a saying (even seen on a t-shirt) that I'm very fond of:

Heaven is where ...

... the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and it's all organized by the Swiss

Hell is where ...

... the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the police are German, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians

With all due respect to Pope Francis and wishing the best for him, there was a one liner joke I heard as a teen said in Italianized English about the church worrying too much about what went on in people's bedrooms:

"He no play da game, he no make da rules."

We'll some will say it is a joke, others will say it defines the current situation of DC.

When a clown moves into a palace he doesn't become a king, the palace instead becomes a circus.
- Turkish proverb

I was asked to join the Flat-Earth Society.

 

They said it would broaden my horizons.

Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?

 

Because if it had 4, it be a chicken sedan!!!

 

A teacher asks her classroom of students how many are Trump Fans.

All the kids want to be liked by the teacher and raise their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asks Little Johnny why he does not like Trump?

Little Johnny replies, my mom is a Democrat, my dad is a Democrat and so I will be a Democrat too.

The teacher irritated says to Little Johnny, so then if your mom is a Moron and your dad an Idiot, what would that make you?

Little Johnny with a grin on his face looks at the teacher and says, "That would make me a Trump Fan!"

4 hours ago, G. David Felt said:

A teacher asks her classroom of students how many are Trump Fans.

All the kids want to be liked by the teacher and raise their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asks Little Johnny why he does not like Trump?

Little Johnny replies, my mom is a Democrat, my dad is a Democrat and so I will be a Democrat too.

The teacher irritated says to Little Johnny, so then if your mom is a Moron and your dad an Idiot, what would that make you?

Little Johnny with a grin on his face looks at the teacher and says, "That would make me a Trump Fan!"

Here's a depiction of where a school age kid is smarter than a teacher!

Also, such a teacher would need to meet up with some discipline because these sorts of things happen more so than we think.

I once heard a comment about a grade school kid sitting in a car being driven by his parents on the Las Vegas Strip.  He asked how, if casinos were supposedly paying out all this money to customers, they could afford to put up these big fancy buildings.  If you're thinking like that at 10 or 11, you've probably got a Harvard or Stanford MBA in your future.  

When I was his age, I just marveled at cool buildings ... and didn't do much further analysis.

 

Q:  What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

A:

An Italian mother says (Brooklyn accent):

"If you don't eat your vegetables, I'll kill you."

A Jewish mother says (Long Island accent):

"If you don't eat your vegetables, I'll kill myself."

 

Q:  What is a fish's preferred type of doctor?

A:  A sturgeon 

Q:  What is a barista's favorite exercise at the gym?

A:  the French press. 

Stephen Colbert: Are you afraid of artificial intelligence taking over?

Ricky Gervais: I’d love for any intelligence to take over.

Stephen Colbert: What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?

Rickey Gervais: Natural stupidity.

Stephen Colbert: Did you hear about the new AI company run by goats?

Rickey Gervais: They’re using bleating edge technology.

Stephen Colbert: Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030.

Rickey Gervais: Maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping per this current administration.

Stephen Colbert: What do illegal aliens and AI have in common?

Rickey Gervais: They’ll take your jobs away and do it better than you.

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one home, it seemed obvious that someone was at home, he knocked but no one answered, even after repeated knocks. He took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of the card and stuck it to the door.

At the next service when he reviewed the offering, he found his card had been returned in the basket. A cryptic message under his "Revelation 3:20" was "Genesis 3:10".

Reaching for his bible to check the citation, he broke out laughing.

Revelations 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock"

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? Pass it on!

I think "the coast is clear," thus, no olive branch ... also, greetings from Sicily 

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Q:  An Italian, a Greek and a Spaniard go to a bar.  Who pays?

A:  A German.