Joke Thread

[A Horse With No Name]

One more....this one really made me laugh....

[A Horse With No Name]

One more kermit meme...

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

Nothing Like Funny Tattoos even though I would never have one.

[oldshurst442]

What did one lung say to the other?

• we be-lung together!

 

What do you call a lung thief?

• breathtaking! 

 

Thank-you. Thank-you very much! 

[A Horse With No Name]

This is dark...

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

A little bit morbid, but hey, its Wednesday....

 

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[trinacriabob]

On 6/12/2021 at 2:39 PM, oldshurst442 said:

What did one lung say to the other?

• we be-lung together!

 

To this I say:

 

[oldshurst442]

^^^  To think I didnt think about posting that song with that joke...  Im disappoint with myself.  

[trinacriabob]

This is only mildly politically incorrect.

Q:  What does a lesbian bring to a second date?

A:  A U-Haul.

[Robert Hall]

On 7/13/2021 at 2:12 PM, trinacriabob said:

This is only mildly politically incorrect.

Q:  What does a lesbian bring to a second date?

A:  A U-Haul.

...towed by a Subaru wagon..

[trinacriabob]

On 7/18/2021 at 12:17 PM, Robert Hall said:

...towed by a Subaru wagon..

I once found this on line.  And, what, someone has a problem with stereotypes?  Colorado ... Minnesota ... the license plate on the right says "XENA LVR" (or Xena lover). Classic.

 

Let's also add Oregon, Washington, Northern California, and northern New England states such as Vermont and Maine to the mix.

- - - - -

They once took a survey and found that 77% of the Americans they polled had a negative opinion of Los Angeles. 

I didn't bookmark it, but one study indicated that a fairly high percentage of people sampled didn't have a good impression of Subaru owners.

[David]

15 hours ago, trinacriabob said:

I once found this on line.  And, what, someone has a problem with stereotypes?  Colorado ... Minnesota ... the license plate on the right says "XENA LVR" (or Xena lover). Classic.

 

Let's also add Oregon, Washington, Northern California, and northern New England states such as Vermont and Maine to the mix.

- - - - -

They once took a survey and found that 77% of the Americans they polled had a negative opinion of Los Angeles. 

I didn't bookmark it, but one study indicated that a fairly high percentage of people sampled didn't have a good impression of Subaru owners.

Interesting take on why this is. Lesbians and Subarus: Why do lesbians love Outbacks and Foresters? (slate.com) Who knew that SAAB, Subaru and another I forget.

Since you guys brought up Subaru, thought I would see what was out there. LOL

Q: What's the difference between a Subaru and the principal's office? A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways? A: So Subaru owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: What's the difference between a Subaru and a Porcupine? A: When it comes to a Subaru, the prick is on the inside.

Q: Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Subarus? A: So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

Q: How do you make a Subaru go faster downhill? A: Turn off the engine.

Q: What is the difference between a Subaru and a shopping trolley? A: A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

Q: Why are the latest Subarus so aerodynamically designed? A: It improves the Chevy tow truck's fuel consumption.

Q: What is the aim of a Subaru project car? A: An attempt to keep their car running.

Q: What is the difference between a Subaru and a tampon? A: A tampon comes with it's own tow rope.

Q: Why are Subaru dealers giving away a dog with each Subaru sold? A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

Q: How do you double the value of a Subaru Icon? A: Full the tank with petrol.

Q: What did the Toyota say to the Subaru? A: Would you like a tow home?

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the Subaru? A: Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Q: What do you call a Subaru at the top of a Hill? A: A Miracle.

Q: What did the BMW say to the Subaru on the side of the road? A: Rust-in-peace.

Q: What do you call two Subarus at the top of a hill? A: A mirage.

Q: What's the difference between a golfball and a Subaru? A: A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.

Q: What do you call a Subaru with dual exhausts? A: A wheelbarrow

Q: What is the Subaru owner's most ardent wish? A: To buy a car.

Q: What do you call a Subaru with a seat belt? A: A rucksack.

Want to hear a car joke? Subaru Outback.

What should you do if you find three Subaru owners buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.

What's the difference between a Subaru owner and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives. The other 9 percent own a Subaru.
 

[trinacriabob]

@David  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for hailing from the Seattle area and acknowledging the ridiculousness of the herd mentality toward Subarus.

When I was younger, I had neutral thoughts toward Subarus.  Earlier on, the Olympian skier twins - Steve and Phil Mahre - were Subaru's spokespeople.  Only recently did I learn they hail from Yakima, WA, in the central part of the state.  That was probably a good idea - two Olympian skiers who were ordinary Joes selling North America on the AWD characteristic of this Japanese car with less market share than Toyota and Datsun (Nissan) that got them up to and back from the slopes.

Now, this brand courts smug NPR listening liberals who have to advertise whatever alternative and counterculture pursuit they're invested in via covering their P.O.S. car in stickers and decals.  Idiots.

[Robert Hall]

I remember Subarus being very popular in Colorado, esp. the Outbacks.  I do like some of their commercials, esp. those w/ the dogs...the one with the dog where the ad starts w/ a puppy and ends w/ a senior dog is a tear jerker.  

I think for a 4x4 wagon, though, I'd be more inclined to look at a Volvo Cross Country (V90 CC).   I still think it would be cool if there was a modern Jeep Eagle 4x4 wagon based on the Charger/300 platform...

Edited July 22, 2021 by Robert Hall

[balthazar]

33 minutes ago, Robert Hall said:

I do like some of their commercials, esp. those w/ the dogs...

Ahhhh; dog owners!
For some reason I couldn't figure out what the marketing target was; I find any anthropomorphic animal commercial dumb.

I like animals just fine, was repeatedly petting a customer's cat ('Houdini') & dog ('River') just this afternoon... and there's 3 cats here inside (plus one outside), but I have never found the animal advertising relevant or effective.

[David]

15 hours ago, Robert Hall said:

I remember Subarus being very popular in Colorado, esp. the Outbacks.  I do like some of their commercials, esp. those w/ the dogs...the one with the dog where the ad starts w/ a puppy and ends w/ a senior dog is a tear jerker.  

I think for a 4x4 wagon, though, I'd be more inclined to look at a Volvo Cross Country (V90 CC).   I still think it would be cool if there was a modern Jeep Eagle 4x4 wagon based on the Charger/300 platform...

Been a number of great dog commercials, I totally related to this Chevrolet one that was also end back to the beginning and the end being a journey.

 

[balthazar]

^ Dogs in commercials are fine.

Dogs driving cars the advertising brand is trying to sell is dumb. 🙄

[Robert Hall]

The Subaru ad I liked didn't have dogs driving...it was a couple that had a Subaru wagon, got a puppy and showed them w/ the Subaru as the dog aged until the last scene where the dog was a white muzzled senior... hit 'all the feels' as the Gen Zers would say.

[oldshurst442]

What about a cat driving a car?

I present you, Tounces, the driving cat. The cat that could drive a car. Drives around, all over town. Tounces the driving cat!  

 

[David]

1 hour ago, oldshurst442 said:

What about a cat driving a car?

I present you, Tounces, the driving cat. The cat that could drive a car. Drives around, all over town. Tounces the driving cat!  

 

Yea, still a hell no for me. I just never found this kind of thing funny.

[oldshurst442]

5 minutes ago, David said:

Yea, still a hell no for me. I just never found this kind of thing funny.

Not...even this?

 

 

[David]

4 hours ago, oldshurst442 said:

Not...even this?

 

 

That is an exception as it mocks my idol Arnold!  

[balthazar]

[oldshurst442]

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by oldshurst442

[oldshurst442]

[David]

Why did the spider eat fireflies every evening?

He wanted a "light" snack after dinner!

_________________________________________________

What tea do footballers drink?

Penaltea

________________________________________________

What is the biggest ant in the world?

An Elephant

[oldshurst442]

[trinacriabob]

This might just belong in the joke thread.  These were around when I was a kid.  You don't see them much anymore.  They'd border on being vintage items.  (It's priced like one.)

[trinacriabob]

Did you hear about the semi that crashed into the median on busy (insert name or number of major freeway near you)?

No.

It was carrying boxes and crates of Vicks.

.

.

.

There was no congestion.

.

Edited November 27, 2021 by trinacriabob

[trinacriabob]

Q:  How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?

A:  A buck an ear.

[trinacriabob]

Probably not a good time to be telling "Olga from the Volga" jokes and puns.

[David]

@trinacriabob What the heck, sad situation in Ukraine right now, might as well poke fun at the idiot dictator Putin!

• In Russia, you don't vote for Putin
  • Putin votes for you
• Russia is Corrupt....
  • Proof is in the Putin
• Why was Putin late for dinner with Obama?
  • Because he got Snowden
• What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?
  • Crimea River
• All I want is Peace, Putin says.
  • Piece of Ukraine

[trinacriabob]

2 hours ago, David said:

@trinacriabob What the heck, sad situation in Ukraine right now, might as well poke fun at the idiot dictator Putin!

• In Russia, you don't vote for Putin
  • Putin votes for you
• Russia is Corrupt....
  • Proof is in the Putin
• Why was Putin late for dinner with Obama?
  • Because he got Snowden
• What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading?
  • Crimea River
• All I want is Peace, Putin says.
  • Piece of Ukraine

I'm really torqued right now because I thought 2022 would be the slowing down of Covid 19 and things might get back to "normal," or close to something normal.  I wanted to go back to enjoying "normal."  It's pretty serious when, in modern day Europe, someone is ordering attacks that kill the vulnerable - children, elderly folks, sick folks, not to mention ordinary folks and which also destroy tons of property.

[Robert Hall]

I guess we are living in the 'new normal'... reality is complex.  I know lots of people are grousing about gas prices, it is what it is...paid $3.75/gallon for unleaded last weekend.   I'm getting an average of 23.x mpg...been driving an extra 200-400 miles every weekend the last 3 weeks, probably will be for the foreseeable future (going back and forth to my farm).  

The Jeep has been great in mud setting and 4wheel low on the farm, but I kinda wish I had an old 4x4 truck out there...something I wouldn't mind getting scratches from bramble and tree branches and to haul in and out junk.

 

Edit: filled up today, $3.99/ gallon.  $75 tank full.  Ready for the weekend  

 

Edited March 8, 2022 by Robert Hall

[David]

7 hours ago, Robert Hall said:

I guess we are living in the 'new normal'... reality is complex.  I know lots of people are grousing about gas prices, it is what it is...paid $3.75/gallon for unleaded last weekend.   I'm getting an average of 23.x mpg...been driving an extra 200-400 miles every weekend the last 3 weeks, probably will be for the foreseeable future (going back and forth to my farm).  

The Jeep has been great in mud setting and 4wheel low on the farm, but I kinda wish I had an old 4x4 truck out there...something I wouldn't mind getting scratches from bramble and tree branches and to haul in and out junk.

Edit: filled up today, $3.99/ gallon.  $75 tank full.  Ready for the weekend  

Needed a break as I worked till midnight last night on tradeshow stuff for our Dell Technology World stuff May 2nd to 5th 2022 in Vegas, so went up skiing this morning. Topped off the Escalade at Costco, regular gas $4.249 per gallon, 18.477 gallons for a $78.51 bill and that was only filling up from 1/3rd tank to full. SS uses Premium, which is now @ Costco $4.66 per gallon, 20 gallons went in last night so $93.20. Yup, wish electrics that fit me were out as I would happily ditch ICE for EV at 6 cents per kilowatt charging at home. Would save me big time.

[balthazar]

Diesel by me up to 4.99/gal, but at the price premium for a comparable EV truck (EX: Rivian: $79K), I can drive on fuel for over 15 years.
If the fuel averages 3.50/gal, that jumps to 23 years!!

Saves me big time.

[surreal1272]

31 minutes ago, balthazar said:

Diesel by me up to 4.99/gal, but at the price premium for a comparable EV truck (EX: Rivian: $79K)

Fair point but I wold like to point out that the Rivian is, again, not a full size truck like yours. The Ford Lightning is though and it is well south of $79K.

[balthazar]

We’re not going to go ‘round this mulberry bush again, right?

To recap- I built a Lightning as close AS POSSIBLE to my truck (no, it’s impossible to get them exact), which I paid $48K for, and it was $72K.  That’s $24K of fuel.

To get it close in price, I would have to downgrade significantly from my truck.

[David]

Let also point out that some states have much cheaper electrical rates than other states so electric makes sense over the current prices of gas.

Washington state @ 6 cents per Kilowatt that would allow the Chevy Silverado to do 1200 miles a month @ $28 a month in cost or for 14,400 miles a year @ $336 dollars a year in electric fuel charge here.

Diesel here is running @$5 a gallon on average, so even in a Diesel truck at 24 mpg, using GMC Diesel 1500 says it has a 21 gallon tank. So we are looking at a $105 fuel fill up. So that 21 gallon tank would give 504 miles of range, on a 14,400 miles driven equal, that is 28 1/2 tanks of fuel or $2,992.50 per year for fuel costs. Over 10 years if it stays consistent, you have $29,925 Diesel Fuel cost plus the maintenance of that engine.

Think I would take the electric over that as that puts the diesel in the same price as Ford's F150 Lighting.

[Robert Hall]

I noticed when I filled up yesterday that diesel was $4.59/gallon here in my area.

I noticed gas prices hit $4.12/gallon for unleaded in Phoenix this week...I can't recall what the prices were back in summer/fall 2008 when I was living there and prices went up...but the cars I was driving then were way worse in the gas mileage than my current Jeep.   

Edited March 9, 2022 by Robert Hall

[balthazar]

2 hours ago, David said:

Diesel here is running @$5 a gallon on average, so even in a Diesel truck at 24 mpg, using GMC Diesel 1500 says it has a 21 gallon tank. So we are looking at a $105 fuel fill up. So that 21 gallon tank would give 504 miles of range, on a 14,400 miles driven equal, that is 28 1/2 tanks of fuel or $2,992.50 per year for fuel costs. Over 10 years if it stays consistent, you have $29,925 Diesel Fuel cost plus the maintenance of that engine.

Think I would take the electric over that as that puts the diesel in the same price as Ford's F150 Lighting.

Incorrect- GM 3.0Ls have a 24-gal tank, so at GMC’s highway rating of 26, that’s a 624 mile range (yeah; you’re not running it down to the last drop). Fuelly.com has these motors averaging 25, but a lot of owners who do a lot of highway driving are getting in the low-mid 30s.

Personally, I only do 9500-10K miles/yr, so it’d take me a lot longer to ‘break even’ vs. a high-priced BE truck.

One more ‘hidden’ factor in the bottom line comparison; you’re going to be paying a significant chunk more in interest carrying (in my example’s case) $24K more in balance. And interest rates are rising…

[surreal1272]

5 hours ago, balthazar said:

To recap- I built a Lightning as close AS POSSIBLE to my truck (no, it’s impossible to get them exact), which I paid $48K for, and it was $72K.  That’s $24K of fuel.

No "Mulberry lane" to go over again. You compared your full size truck to a non-full size truck SMK.

 

Oh and $48K? Maybe I missed that part on your thread.

[balthazar]

26 minutes ago, surreal1272 said:

No "Mulberry lane" to go over again. You compared your full size truck to a non-full size truck SMK.

Oh and $48K? Maybe I missed that part on your thread.

I thought bed length didn’t matter?
However, when I priced the Lightning, it was the 6.5’-ish bed.
 

As far as my truck specs you quoted; I certainly didn’t pay 1. a market adjustment, or 2. mSRP. 😆