Joke Thread

[oldshurst442]

Q:   What the egg say to the boiling water?

A:     I can't get hard, I just got laid. 

[A Horse With No Name]

On 3/24/2021 at 11:59 AM, trinacriabob said:

I could make this a random thought but thought it was more suited to be a joke.

We've heard the expression supporting what is home grown:

"If it ain't Boeing, it ain't going."

Ok, well, the following is a Boeing product, the B-757, and, according to the news, "it ain't going."

Because if you ain't spending the money to fix its Rolls Royce* engines, then it definitely ain't going.

* hmmm, Rolls Royce ... when home grown Pratt & Whitney is "the other" major supplier of engines for this aircraft

The irony here is that the plane was formerly owned by a Mexican airline...given all of the flap about Trump and Mexicans. 

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

I can agree with this. 

[David]

[David]

[oldshurst442]

 

[David]

26 minutes ago, oldshurst442 said:

 

Not sure which is funnier, his It Sounds Greek or his attempt to stay alive as he looks like he is about to have a major Coronary.  😆

[balthazar]

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

 

[A Horse With No Name]

[balthazar]

This HAS to be a joke. You literally pay for the hardware & software, you OWN it... but it doesn't 'work' unless you pay again. 

 

[Drew Dowdell]

2 hours ago, balthazar said:

This HAS to be a joke. You literally pay for the hardware & software, you OWN it... but it doesn't 'work' unless you pay again. 

 

BMW already tried this with Apple CarPlay, failed, and ended up giving it out for free with the car.... and that arguably might have some merit to it because then you'd be paying for updates etc....    what updates do I need to heated seat software though? It has 4 settings.. high, medium, low, and off. 

Edit: I Do see merit for charging a subscription for SuperCruise however (and Cadillac does after I think 3 years) because it costs GM an enormous amount of money to keep the LIDAR maps up to date.  I could see GM eventually partnering with another company (Honda for Acura is the first to come to mind) to sell the LIDAR data for other autonomous systems. 

[trinacriabob]

Every Mexican and Mexican-American I've told this one to nods, smiles, and/or laughs, so it passes the "ok" test ...

Q:  Why were there only 500 Mexicans at the Alamo?

A:  They only took 7 cars.

[balthazar]

[A Horse With No Name]

[Drew Dowdell]

39 minutes ago, A Horse With No Name said:

You're like 4 weeks late for this one....

[A Horse With No Name]

6 minutes ago, Drew Dowdell said:

You're like 4 weeks late for this one....

Better late than never. 

[David]

5 hours ago, A Horse With No Name said:

Better late than never. 

I thought that is what your girlfriend in HighSchool or was it College said?  

[oldshurst442]

7 hours ago, Drew Dowdell said:

You're like 4 weeks late for this one....

 

7 hours ago, A Horse With No Name said:

Better late than never. 

 

He (you) was not late...(🇬🇷 Greek) Orthodox Easter was yesterday    🤙  

I thought I had heard ALL the blonde jokes there can possibly be.

Along comes Mr. Horse with No Name and pleasantly and hilariously surprises me. 

 

 

THAT is funny!

 

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

Funny American Muscle Meme's

ROFLMAO

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

Perfect solution for that Miata!  

[A Horse With No Name]

On 5/17/2021 at 6:54 PM, David said:

Perfect solution for that Miata!  

I have known a few....meanwhile in Alabama and West Virgina...

Also in West Virginia and Alabama

 

[David]

[A Horse With No Name]

Education is useful. 

Only in the South.

[surreal1272]

1 hour ago, A Horse With No Name said:

Education is useful. 

Only in the South.

As an avid sweet tea enthusiast southerner who makes his own brew, that is a felony where I come from. That is a whole other white trash tragedy right there. There are literally stainless containers for just such a purpose, where you go through 55 gallons of tea an hour lol.

Edited May 20, 2021 by surreal1272

[David]

20 minutes ago, surreal1272 said:

As an avid sweet tea enthusiast southerner who makes his own brew, that is a felony where I come from. That is a whole other white trash tragedy right there. There are literally stainless containers for just such a purpose, where you go through 55 gallons of tea an hour lol.

Not to mention that it is NOT a Food Grade Plastic and so who knows what chemicals are being added to that poor tea!

Talk about a Health Code VIOLATION! 😒

[David]

[David]

[David]

Gotta Love Volleyball

[A Horse With No Name]

Bad spelling or a twisted mind, not sure which...

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer:

Woman: "I need to buy some arsenic."

Pharmacist:" Why do you need arsenic?"

Woman: "I need arsenic because I want to kill my husband."

Pharmacist: "WHAT?"

Woman: "You heard me! I want to kill my husband!"

Pharmacist: "Why on earth would you want to do that?"

Woman: "Because he's having an affair with YOUR wife!!!"

Pharmacist: "Well why didn't you tell me you had a prescription?"

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]

[David]

[David]

Gotta Love Philosoraptor!!!

 

[A Horse With No Name]

[A Horse With No Name]