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trinacriabob

People with "boundary" problems - sick

17 posts in this topic

Hey, I had this friend going back to the mid-90s. She's actually a licensed architect, but she is ROUGH around the edges...more of a construction trailer lady than an architect in an office. I only befriended her because we had work things in common..and our paths would have never crossed had it not been for that.

Even though she is ROUGH, she is married, but her marriage is very screwed up from what I can see. It's like a roommate marriage.

Here's the basic problem: when she heads for lower ground, I tend to straighten her out (if she asks me advice or tells about her ridiculous predicaments). That is, I told her to take her stupid licensing exam, to fight for the right pay and correct expense reimbursements at work, and stuff that would lift her to a higher perch. On the other hand, she tries to knock me off my perch. She has tried to set me up with chicks that no white collar guy would look at, as well as constantly send me ads for houses/condos she thinks I should buy. This happened last in July 2008 when, instead of hitting the "save draft" button, I hit the "send" button in reply to a message, telling her off and bordering on being cruel. I felt bad...but there it went! In it, I told her how little I thought of her and how I had lost respect for her over the years.

Thinking I would never hear from her again and thinking "whew, what a relief," I check my e-mails last Friday and she sends me an e-mail (a) providing me with a general update of her whereabouts and changed work situation, and (b)...drum roll...that she told an acquaintance of hers about me, this chick's (list of attributes), and that she wants to meet me.

Her crossing of "boundaries" in the last few years was the END of the friendship. She tries to come back around and has the same M.O. I think she is really dense. She is so shut down, she must have been abused as a child. What would you do? Have you had this happen to you? I have chosen to ignore her, but am asking what to do if she persists with e-mails. Any similar stories? Why does someone who was so strongly told off come around again? There are so many 'effed up people out there.

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What would I do? I'd bang the acquaintance.

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What would I do? I'd bang the acquaintance.

Banging can have consequences. On top of that, her acquaintances are very average - no interesting, attractive chick would hang out with the architect chick. She doesn't know anyone worth banging. Unless I am given some paper bags.

I was looking for an answer as to how to get this skank out of my life. :smilewide:

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Post a good set of 'shooped nudes of her where everyone can see them.

Pictures of her naked and firin' her lazer would probably just create confusion.

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Maybe I missed something, but it kind of sounds like you were the one who crossed a boundary.

Why write an email if you don't intend to send it, anyway?

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No laser required sir. Just some good old fashioned 'shops.

Well you did say 'shooped nudes' so I figured it'd require lasers. Although, I do think you may have stumbled upon something that may have yet to have been 'rule 34'd.'

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What would I do? I'd bang the acquaintance.

Post a good set of 'shooped nudes of her where everyone can see them. That's how I'd get the bitch to STFU.

Pictures of her naked and firin' her lazer would probably just create confusion.

Seriously?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Warning: Serious answer to serious question follows:

Bob, at this point, there isn't anything you have to do. Frankly, the way you handled this was already passive-aggressive, so major point loss there, but you said what needed to be said.

A year later she's back and up to her tired schtick? Block her email if you can, but if you still have work-related communication, send an email with the following:

Brenda:

While I appreciate your recent gesture, I think it is in everyone's best interests if our relationship remains strictly professional going forward. Best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Bob

After that, do not engage (unless work requires it).

You really don't need to stay in contact with someone because you feel bad for them--friendships and relationships cannot succeed if mutual respect isn't present, and both people consider themselves "equals." You clearly do not respect her or consider her an equal, so the right thing to do is to terminate the contact. Eventually she will figure it out.

Edited by Croc
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Maybe I missed something, but it kind of sounds like you were the one who crossed a boundary.

Why write an email if you don't intend to send it, anyway?

Meh, it's passive-aggressive. Bob's mad because she crossed the boundary he set when flaming mad. Agreed on the email...passive-aggressive.

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What response would you expect from people who are 21 and in College?

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What response would you expect from people who are 21 and in College?

Oh, I don't know, maybe something less lame? You mentioned (and misspelled) "lasers."

Jokes are supposed to be funny. Observe Satty's posts--he's managed to say some pretty ridiculous things and be FUNNY while doing it. It's all about the context. Satty also goes for quality of quantity.

Please note, I said "observe" not "go forth and shamelessly rip off" Satty's posts. Posers aren't funny; they just lack originality.

Edited by Croc
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Oh, I don't know, maybe something less lame? You mentioned (and misspelled) "lasers."

A.) Not everyone has the same sense of humor.

B.) That was another part of the joke.

Jokes are supposed to be funny.

Well me and TheCaptain obviously had fun with it while we could.

Observe Satty's posts--he's managed to say some pretty ridiculous things and be FUNNY while doing it. It's all about the context. Satty also goes for quality of quantity.

Please note, I said "observe" not "go forth and shamelessly rip off" Satty's posts. Posers aren't funny; they just lack originality.

Who are you calling a poser?

We all know Satty is C&G's Comedy King around here. No one even bothers to closely observe what Satty does in his posts because I think anyone who has read his posts have reached the understanding that they couldn't even crack a mild joke with Satty's unique wit, let alone rip it off. So if you can't beat it, you try another approach. Of course, it can take time before you find the one that works (and who cares if it doesn't appeal to everyone?).

Anyhow, the air in here is getting very thick, so I am going to bow out of this thread. Bob, allow me to apologize for my posts here and I hope someone can suggest an approach to you that can help you with your problem. Croc, I don't want you to take this post the wrong way and I hope you do not have a problem with me.

Edited by YellowJacket894
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Time to keep the responses to the Original Poster ONLY

No more questioning maturity

No more name calling

This is getting out of hand.

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Somewhat similiar, and ongoing right now: I did a bunch of work on a woman's house last year. She had unexpectedly lost her boyfriend when he had a fatal heart attack. I stopped working there steady in Sept '08 when I realized she was basically broke, and it's only been a very few odd jobs since then. She still owes me a small amount- I've sold a bunch of stuff out of her garage she no longer wants (she has to move). However, she calls me frequently... too frequently.

Well, I hear thru the grapevine yesterday that this woman has told her brother she's in love... and it's me. She knows I'm married, but she (reportedly) said 'yea- but not for long'. Frickin' marvelous.

Now I am forced to not answer her calls, and ponder just what she might be capable of (not much). I have more than enough stress as it is.

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Maybe I missed something, but it kind of sounds like you were the one who crossed a boundary.

Why write an email if you don't intend to send it, anyway?

I had intended to "save draft" and work on it later... to tone it down. I don't write many drafts on e-mail accounts for social communications, because e-mail accounts with friends usually feature "healthy" communication. I hit "send" prematurely. I felt bad...because it wasn't toned down.

I ignored the rule "don't react when you're mad."

Someone who constantly tries to find things for you to buy or people to date is sick. Most friends don't do that. During the first 5 or 10 years of knowing her, she was mildly annoying. As her marriage soured, she got less sex, and got more dumpy, her trespasses increased with frequency.

I wanted to toss this out for input in case I get more attempts to re-start our friendship, and not to be criticized.

Croc, thanks...I hear what you said. I am using the "ignore" tactic for as long as I can hold out.

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I had intended to "save draft" and work on it later... to tone it down. I don't write many drafts on e-mail accounts for social communications, because e-mail accounts with friends usually feature "healthy" communication. I hit "send" prematurely. I felt bad...because it wasn't toned down.

I ignored the rule "don't react when you're mad."

Someone who constantly tries to find things for you to buy or people to date is sick. Most friends don't do that. During the first 5 or 10 years of knowing her, she was mildly annoying. As her marriage soured, she got less sex, and got more dumpy, her trespasses increased with frequency.

I wanted to toss this out for input in case I get more attempts to re-start our friendship, and not to be criticized.

Croc, thanks...I hear what you said. I am using the "ignore" tactic for as long as I can hold out.

If it keeps up, send something to the effect of the sample email. Keep it short, polite, but somewhat terse. If she STILL doesn't get the hint afterwards, then block.

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Silence is golden. And in this case ignorance is bliss. She is FUBAR-ed, so no matter what you do/say she will persist.

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I need to get rid of a girl too. She wants me to come out and see her now that she's doing better for herself (read: has a job)

It's all going to come crashing down when she figures out she's not invited to the wedding. We'll see how that goes.

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