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I usually go to my mom's on Thursdays for dinner. This week, the conversation turned to this:

mom:

"Did you see the movie Brokeback Mountain?"

"Yes"

"Did it have a lot of pretty scenery in it?

"Yes it did."

"I heard it was a good story. What did you do when they had their little love scene?"

"Sat there with the rest of the audience."

"Did you see a lot of gay birds there? You're not"/ (I cut her off mid-sentence)

"Most of the people there were ladies your age."/ on to a different subject chosen by her.

Sorry to blog up the lounge with yet another angsty thread on this kind of thing, it's just hard to take that leap into the unknown. I wish I had some semblance of guts, ya know? It's really retarded.

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Parents that grew up in a different time are very difficult to deal with on these subjects. My mother is now only 63. I came out to my parents when I was 15, so that was 1977. It took my mother (who would have only been 35 at that time) a couple years to come around. Later, when she had loosened up considerably and felt free to talk about my boyfriends, etc., she made the observation that most of her peers weren't comfortable dealing with their own repressed sexuality, let alone gay people's. Until our world loosens up and stops viewing sex as dirty in general, we'll never see any real progress.

She was a real trailblazer for her time - took the Pill in the '60s, bought it for my sister when she was 16, even packed off my youngest sister to New York for an abortion in 1984 because doctors here wouldn't do it. However, when it came to dealing with a gay son, she hit a brick wall. I persevered, and it didn't hurt that she liked my first long term boyfriend. I was 17 and he was 19. We were together 5 years. He even stayed with my mother for a while when he was taking a college course in her area.

It is easy for me to say now, but progress will only come by setting an example. So many of us have traditionally found it easy to hide amongst the "normals," rather than standing up and saying,"hey, I'm gay and you didn't even know that, did you?" But, hey - that's me. I'm the first to admit that when confronted by religious bigotry I usually shut up because I just don't want the confrontaton.

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On Fridays, I usually go to lunch with some guys at work (including the person I recently posted about in another thread). Yesterday, there were five of us. We had a hot young waitress. As usual, "my" person was the only one to make sexist comments about her ("she's hot", "I'll give her a piece of chicken", etc.) When she brought out a second round of drinks, one of the guys blurted out to her (about "my" guy) "He's gay, ya know!"

Everyone laughed, I smiled, and she shut us all down with this:

"What's wrong with being gay? I'm gay! There's nothing wrong with it!" She just stood there, blonde, beautiful, and watched them all squirm and stammer... "Yeah, I didn't say there was anything wrong with it..."

I'm just sitting there taking it all in.

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On Fridays, I usually go to lunch with some guys at work (including the person I recently posted about in another thread).  Yesterday, there were five of us.  We had a hot young waitress.  As usual, "my" person was the only one to make sexist comments about her ("she's hot", "I'll give her a piece of chicken", etc.)  When she brought out a second round of drinks, one of the guys blurted out to her (about "my" guy)  "He's gay, ya know!"

Everyone laughed, I smiled, and she shut us all down with this:

"What's wrong with being gay?  I'm gay!  There's nothing wrong with it!"  She just stood there, blonde, beautiful, and watched them all squirm and stammer... "Yeah, I didn't say there was anything wrong with it..."

I'm just sitting there taking it all in.

Ocn, you sound like you're fairly butch. I would have responded "No, I'm the gay one."

When they all look at you wonderingly... just say... "What...as if you didn't know..."

This does two things. Admits that you're gay, and puts them on the defensive because they suddenly feel dumb because now it seems that it is A. something they should have already known. B. something that apparently everyone else already knows. C. Something you are obviously comfortable with them knowing.

It's a very easy way to diffuse someone like that.

Edited by Oldsmoboi

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Absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.

Lesbians that would alow me into the bedroom to "assist" with their bits 'n pieces are the best kind of people going... :wink:

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Sweetie, Oldsmoboi is right you know. I'm sure that if you told her she wouldn't be surprised - might even admit she'd been waiting for you to tell her. As a mom, I wouldn't ever want to offend my kid by asking them if they're gay. I also couldn't imagine not loving either of my daughters, especially for something they can't help.

You really want to weigh the stresses, I would imagine the stress of NOT telling her, is starting to weigh more than the stress of dealing with her reaction.

The plus side of this whole lunch is that you were wondering if the apple of your eye is gay, right? And it was revealed he is??

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Thanks stace, you're right, I know this. It's just putting everything out there that's tripping me up, because I don't want to be "in your face" about things, ya know? I just want to be matter-of-fact, with no fanfare.

Oh... he's very ambiguous. It's maddening, and it keeps me hangin' on.

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Thought by the title this would have been a foible at work, but it's a foible with Mom instead...or the makings of one.

My advice: if the theme keeps on coming up with your Mom, you might have to say something. If it's an isolated occurrence, then don't say anything. I would have made a great psychologist as people tell me I am too analytical and philosophical (would sure as heck be more interesting than what I do).

A person I knew in Portland, referring to annoyance with people's wearing of their sexuality on their sleeve, once said "People have a sexuality, they are not their sexuality." Ocn, ahead of your sexual preference, you are: a male of a given ethnicity/age/religious conviction/political conviction, a person who probably does his (insert line of work) quite well, a decent writer and a car aficionado. I don't get it: why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

There are a couple of people at work who are "mysterious" in this regard. Except for one chick who has the prototypical lesbian "chip" which I only bring up because it gets in the way of getting things done, I really don't spend much time wondering...and neither should anyone else. Maybe I'm wrong...but I think Europeans, from being around relatives, don't dwell on this "status" thing as much as Americans.

You're not a coward. I don't think you owe anyone any explanations.

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All excellent points made by Trina. You know, blu, if you don't start your conversation with the "gay - whatever", ie. gay lawyer, gay doctor, etc. I would suspect no one else will. I never call myself the "hetero lease manager" :P

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Thought by the title this would have been a foible at work, but it's a foible with Mom instead...or the makings of one.

My advice: if the theme keeps on coming up with your Mom, you might have to say something.  If it's an isolated occurrence, then don't say anything.  I would have made a great psychologist as people tell me I am too analytical and philosophical (would sure as heck be more interesting than what I do).

A person I knew in Portland, referring to annoyance with people's wearing of their sexuality on their sleeve, once said "People have a sexuality, they are not their sexuality."  Ocn,  ahead of your sexual preference, you are: a male of a given ethnicity/age/religious conviction/political conviction, a person who probably does his (insert line of work) quite well, a decent writer and a car aficionado.  I don't get it:  why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

There are a couple of people at work who are "mysterious" in this regard.  Except for one chick who has the prototypical lesbian "chip" which I only bring up because it gets in the way of getting things done, I really don't spend much time wondering...and neither should anyone else.  Maybe I'm wrong...but I think Europeans, from being around relatives, don't dwell on this "status" thing as much as Americans.

You're not a coward.  I don't think you owe anyone any explanations.

I agree and I disagree. Ocn doesn't have to be shouting "I'm Gay" from the roof tops with a fiddle, but he should be able to be comfortable talking about it when the subject of dating, partners, homosexuality, comes up.

Heterosexuals don't realize how much they "flaunt" their sexuality. Having rings, holding hands in public, having sport illustrated swimsuit calenders, talking about their wives or girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends.... all the while Ocn is supposed to just sit there and smile and not talk about his date with a hot guy?

I don't think so.

My BF and I make a point of being honest and open about our sexualities without being over the top with it. We mention each other as "my partner" in casual work conversation. We hold hands in public... walking on the street even. We try to set a good example of being open about sexuality without flaunting it.

I think Ocn can do it too.

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All excellent points made by Trina.  You know, blu, if you don't start your conversation with the "gay - whatever", ie. gay lawyer, gay doctor, etc.  I would suspect no one else will.  I never call myself the "hetero lease manager"  :P

You don't need to, everyone assumes. Especially so if you have a ring on your finger or pictures of your kids on your desk.

I'm not saying OCN should title himself the "Gay--- whatever", but open about it is still fine.

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Heterosexuals don't realize how much they "flaunt" their sexuality. Having rings, holding hands in public, having sport illustrated swimsuit calenders, talking about their wives or girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends.... all the while Ocn is supposed to just sit there and smile and not talk about his date with a hot guy?

That's the way with a lot of people from privileged groups. There's a disconnect in thinking that doesn't allow people to realize how insulting their behaviors can be.

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My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

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My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

But that's probably because you give all indications that you are straight. I doubt that OCN does.

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My mom definitely would be shocked if I came home and said I was gay.

Do you communicate with your father, ol' blu?

sNOSage it is experiment time. Get your parents into the same room, sit them down and tell them you are gay. If they say something like, "Well it looks like the last horse finally crossed the finish line" then you have a pretty good idea of what they think about you. Try it, tell us what happens.

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haha I was thinking about pulling my mom aside and saying it to her and telling her to not tell Dad, just to see what her reaction would be. :lol:

If I were to say it to my dad, he'd believe me straight up and say something along the lines of (no offense, dudes), "I always knew you were a f@#king fag. Get the f@#k outta my house, you f@#king queer."

I doubt he'd accept it so well lmao.

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haha I was thinking about pulling my mom aside and saying it to her and telling her to not tell Dad, just to see what her reaction would be. :lol:

If I were to say it to my dad, he'd believe me straight up and say something along the lines of (no offense, dudes), "I always knew you were a f@#king fag. Get the f@#k outta my house, you f@#king queer."

I doubt he'd accept it so well lmao.

Not to be a downer or anything, but I dont think thats anything to "lmao" at.

I dont mean to say Im offended, but really, any parent doing something THAT asinine ain't funny. My first reaction certainly wouldn't be to laugh :huh:

Edited by CD/BP

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That "father" wouldn't be worth a $h!. Nos, when you tell him, do you want me to be there to punch his ass out? I'll bring Viper, he can kick him in the shins a few times. Then maybe he'll settle down and give you a hug and things will get back to normal.

Yes, I am in contact with my dad. He lives 10 minutes from me. I have a good relationship with him, not as close as it could be, but that could be my fault as much as it is his. It's that retardation thing.

I wouldn't want any ugliness to occur between me or either of my parents. I hold them at arm's length now because of this. That should be another indicator to them, after all, I live so close now.

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Well, I was actually trying to imply the reaction of a 70s father when his son "comes out" to him.

Really, my dad probably wouldn't be that harsh. He'd probably overreact because of shock, but in time he'd understand.

And, oblu, did you forget that I'm not going to need to come out?

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'Blu,

Honestly, dont you think your parents have an idea? (How old are they if you dont mind me asking) I mean...when is the last time you "dated" a woman? Am I remembering right that you have other siblings in the area?

I don't get it:  why is it so important to know what you do for 1/2 to 1 hour of the day on selected occasions?

Bob!? Just 30-60 mins?? Let's give 'Blu a little credit. :D Edited by CD/BP

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Bob!? Just 30-60 mins?? Let's give 'Blu a little credit. :D

I think he's talking about oblu's mother asking if he saw the movie..

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