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mustang84

Girls...argg

38 posts in this topic

Tonight I was supposed to go out with this girl I know for her 21st birthday, but she ditched me. Here's the whole story...

I met her earlier this year...she lives on my floor pretty much across the hallway from me. We hung out quite a bit last semester, and things were good. Unfortunately, in November she had a falling out with a couple of people I am also friends with, and she hated them and they hated her, so I was kinda caught in the middle.

Anyway, this semester we would always talk about going to see movies together or just hanging out. She'd always be suggesting we do something, and then when the time came and I tried to set something up, she'd either leave me hanging or dish out some lame excuse like "my phone is broken" (never mind the fact that her phone WASN'T broken because I heard her talking on it the next day).

So, tonight is the last straw. After hyping up her birthday for months and telling me that I have to come out with her to the bars, she ends up ditching me. I try calling her phone and get her voicemail. She never calls back. So while I set aside this Saturday specifically for her 21st birthday instead of going with friends to Iowa City, I'm stuck here in my dorm all by myself. I am beyond pissed right now....if I never saw her again, I wouldn't care.

The whole thing is f'ed up...I don't get it. When I told her I was going to Italy next spring, she was all excited and telling me how she was also going to be in Ireland at the same time, and how we should meet up somewhere. And she also invited me to go with her to Las Vegas of all places in May for a weekend. Yet she ditches me on things like her birthday and going to see a movie.

I don't understand it because she sometimes acts so interested in me and other times is as cold toward me as an arctic wasteland. We even went on a horse-drawn buggy together last January for Winterfest. She remembers things that I told her about myself that I don't even remember telling her. Yet she keeps pulling the same stunts everytime...I feel like I've wasted 7 months on her for nothing.

I'm done with her as of tonight. I've discovered someone else who is a hell of a lot nicer and more caring. I don't know why I wasted so much time on her...but I can't take these games anymore. It's time to move on.

Do any of the girls here (or guys who have gone through a similar experience) have any idea why she is acting like such a bitch toward me?

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thats like this chick who really led me on and such and then called my psycho cuz i stopped mking fun of her and started being actually nice . . . she had issues tho from past bf's and rape experiences lol

most of my gf's just dont say theyll hang out and call me last min and expect me to change plans

most of my friends i odnt chill with but the girls always sho up lol

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mustang, that sort of thing does indeed happen.

a few times with me.

I feel bad for ya. All you want to do is get to know someone and see what they are about and some prefer to just play games and yank us around like puppets on a string.

yeah, i had a couple of those almost like that, lots of deep intimate talks, baring your soul, etc. and then at some point they give you the shaft.

i have been told that women at that age get very anxiety ridden and confused about what they actually want in guys and stuff. Chemically imbalanced practically. But to me, it doesn't give them an excuse to treat people so poorly.

Hang in there bro. I'm gonna grab a beer and share it with ya. Anyone else free to jump in and grab a cold one too.

Edited by regfootball

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since you started the theme of 21st birthdays....here's another 'been there' story for ya.......

one girl i thought i became involved with, i met her on a summer overnight job and got to know her as friends. once summer was over, we returned ot our respective schools (hers was in my parents' town) and she said, 'come visit me sometime'.

Following that were a couple letters so I'm like, 'ok she's nice I'll visit' and i did that a few times. I had never thought of her as girlfriend material. but.......

That visiting led to major involved makeout sessions quite a few times but no actual dates yet. All I know was that I began to feel things for this girl and I knew she was feeling things for me. This played out for a full school year until she got a summer internship in a large city.

I did not follow her there but what then happened was we chased each other up and down the highway to visit and actually date. She was moralistic and I didn't believe in making an issue of sex a right away priority with this girl because i had begun to really fall hard for her. Always passionate making out and mischief and stuff, but never any 'breakthroughs'. I REALLY began to grow into liking her as more than a friend.....LOVING her actually. I admired her so much and her ability to have incredible conversation and her smiles turned me on to the point where she was all I could think about. I often spent nights thinking about her and whether she felt the same.

Well, it all had to come to a head. She told me she was coming to my town the weekend of my 21st birthday (coincidence..LOL) and was taking me out both nights. Again, she was moralistic and often worried about how good she was and so stayed with a friend that weekend, but it was right by my place and I guess I always had a thought that maybe she might stay with me this time.

She got into town and showed up and gave me a really nice card. I am like, this is gonna be the weekend.

Somehow in the middle of that weekend, I couldn't contain myself any longer and told her something to the effect that i loved her as more than a friend, thinking I would capitalize on the specialness of the weekend. After all, she was setting aside this weekend to be there with me. I had two great nights at the bars and she was wonderful but somehow in there at the end of one of the nights I got the 'I don't think of you quite that way' line. The I don't LOVE you admission.

How in the hell could I have been so wrong? All the signs were in place and everything suggested a breakthrough weekend and moment.

OH WELL.

She said she was sorry and I think was caught off guard a bit.

Needless to say things deteriorated after that. I got a letter from her a month later saying she needed me and needed to have me as a friend and that she missed me. I suppose that was because I didn't talk to her after that weekend.

I made a few attempts to visit her after that. She actually had started dating some guy who had his motorcycle apart on her living room floor. I was the only friend invited to her college graduation and met her parents and family.

I fell out of touch with her after that. I figured I tried and she didn't step up to the plate.

Oddly, she moved to my town for some post grad the following 18 months or so, but i only saw her once during that time and i think that last time was when she saw and actually felt how much she had hurt me.

Awhile after that she sends a picture from her wedding on a cruise ship. I am positive I was the only guy to get that. It's like, 'look at me! i got married and it wasn't you!'.

Meh. It only hurts now because the emotion I invested and the wway she made me feel and so many other things.

That said, I am very happy with my wife and one of the reasons was because she never played those games and was always 100% honest in the way she treated me and others.

Edited by regfootball

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Oh man, I can't believe this. I just came on to the website to snoop around and check out Word Association and now this.

A couple of questions: Is this the chick from California? Why is she having these falling outs with people all over the place? What kind of family dynamics does she come from? EVERY chick I have ever known that plays head games comes from a volatile family background that has pulled out the rug from under her. I am "Mr. Armchair Psychologist" whereas most guys just take things at face value.

Here's the deal: you have a lot to offer so don't allow yourself to be treated in a manner you find less than acceptable. Ignore her. Just ignore her. She will come back. Guys need to learn to take back the upper hand. I was raised by my Dad -- not my Mom. Every family is different. My Dad wasn't the type of person to take this kind of crap. My brother will (from his wife) but I won't. I "walk" relatively easily (probably not a good thing, though).

The only chick who is worthwhile is one who does not put you through these ups and downs. Try to look for someone who is sort of a "constant" -- i.e. her personality doesn't fluctuate up and down.

Another reason she could be such a bitch is because she might sense you need/like her more than she does you. I don't know if this is the case. If you want to hang on, you will have to defuse this. If not, you are free to "walk." Just don't tell her what you are analyzing -- go stealth on this one.

Mustang, when I was in college, this sort of thing happened because I perceived I was being done a favor or it was a privilege to go out with a certain chick. As I got older and more sure of myself, I think I am doing them the favor...in some cases. It's nice when you consider who you are dating an equal so you don't have to have that feeling...this is the case when you are on the same plateau in terms of attainment, personality, confidence and general level of appearance.

Last night I was sitting at Starbucks and this girl starts talking to me. She is Italian and from the East Bay (SF suburbs). She was 26 years old and fairly attractive. I was thinking "too young." She and another girl were talking about whether guys should have girls as friends. They asked me. I said no, that it's a conflict of interests. This made her more interested. She kept talking more and digging herself into more of a hole. She told me she was going through a divorce (AT 26???), that her husband was someone she fell in love with because the partying and the booze was good 3 years ago, and that she is IN MANAGEMENT (bfd) at Starbucks (though not that store but for the area). I asked her about finishing college (i.e. a business degree)..."Oh well, I don't need that, I'm in management and I'm going to go far." She got up one time and I noticed two tats on the back of her calves and I'm thinking "Man, I was this A student, coat and tie type, conservative and clean cut, I wouldn't even go near this DB." That is a chick that I was doing a favor for if I went out with her. Sorry to those of you who might take offense. But it is uncesored "what is on my mind."

Mustang, my best advice is to look for girls you are attracted to that treat you well and where you sense that neither of you likes the other more/less. Be stealth about the whole thing and report back. Keep the chin up, dude.

Edited by trinacriabob

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Oh man, I can't believe this.  I just came on to the website to snoop around and check out Word Association and now this.

A couple of questions:  Is this the chick from California?  Why is she having these falling outs with people all over the place?  What kind of family dynamics does she come from?  EVERY chick I have ever known that plays head games comes from a volatile family background that has pulled out the rug from under her.  I am "Mr. Armchair Psychologist" whereas most guys just take things at face value.

Yep, she's the one from California. I never mentioned it last night, but she does have kind of an odd personality...very secretive, locks her door a lot...almost kinda paranoid, IMO. I don't know what her family background is, but when I've talked to her about it, she seems ok with them. However, she's told me some weird things about back home...like how she went to prom with some guy that ended up murdering a girl a few months later.

The last time we went out, I was trying to set it up as just the two of us do something together. Well, it ended up being the two of us plus one of her girl friends. And the entire time she was talking about all these guys she met in Chicago for her trip and other guys from her business club she's in. It was just her and her friend chatting away, and me standing thinking "why the hell am I still here?" We went out to eat after that, got back around 10:30 and the other girl was wanting to go to bed, so she had kind of a sad look on her face asking "are you sure you guys don't want to do anything else?" I told her I was just going to head upstairs for the night. I was tired and didn't want to deal with her anymore. I think that's where the souring of our friendship began...but she completely ignored me that night.

The thing I don't understand is that she'll seem interested in me, remember things that I told her from way back, and yet still pull these head games. We were really close at the beginning of the year, but as the year has gone on, things have deteriorated to the point where I just don't want to deal with her anymore. I've stopped trying and am just on autopilot right now. Her 21st birthday was the one thing I was hoping would bring us closer again, but the plane crashed into the mountain on that one.

So instead, I think I'm just going to move on for good. I've said that before about her and still clung on, but this time I'm serious. You know it's over when you have no desire to be around that person anymore. I was reluctant in the past because I didn't think there would be anyone to fill the void, but now that I have found someone else, it makes it much easier.

Thanks for the stories reg and Bob...it's good to see I'm not the only one who has gone through this mess.

Edited by mustang84

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it sounds like you are totally ready to move on from this chick. Good for you. As Howard Jones would say, 'Things can only get better'.

The Bob and Bob architects are always willing to listen........

Yep, she's the one from California.  I never mentioned it last night, but she does have kind of an odd personality...very secretive, locks her door a lot...almost kinda paranoid, IMO.  I don't know what her family background is, but when I've talked to her about it, she seems ok with them.  However, she's told me some weird things about back home...like how she went to prom with some guy that ended up murdering a girl a few months later.

The last time we went out, I was trying to set it up as just the two of us do something together.  Well, it ended up being the two of us plus one of her girl friends.  And the entire time she was talking about all these guys she met in Chicago for her trip and other guys from her business club she's in.  It was just her and her friend chatting away, and me standing thinking "why the hell am I still here?"  We went out to eat after that, got back around 10:30 and the other girl was wanting to go to bed, so she had kind of a sad look on her face asking "are you sure you guys don't want to do anything else?"  I told her I was just going to head upstairs for the night.  I was tired and didn't want to deal with her anymore.  I think that's where the souring of our friendship began...but she completely ignored me that night.

The thing I don't understand is that she'll seem interested in me, remember things that I told her from way back, and yet still pull these head games.  We were really close at the beginning of the year, but as the year has gone on, things have deteriorated to the point where I just don't want to deal with her anymore.  I've stopped trying and am just on autopilot right now.  Her 21st birthday was the one thing I was hoping would bring us closer again, but the plane crashed into the mountain on that one.

So instead, I think I'm just going to move on for good.  I've said that before about her and still clung on, but this time I'm serious.  You know it's over when you have no desire to be around that person anymore.  I was reluctant in the past because I didn't think there would be anyone to fill the void, but now that I have found someone else, it makes it much easier.

Thanks for the stories reg and Bob...it's good to see I'm not the only one who has gone through this mess.

Edited by regfootball

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there was another girl i knew from dorms, we would spend hours talking on the phone, and i would visit her in her room often. Yet, when it came to setting a 'date' outside the dorm, she always managed to sidestep the deal. It at first didn't help that she actually still had a boyfriend until the middle of the year. Then she went home a lot at first, but then she acquired a strange group of adult friends off campus she eventually ended up living with for awhile.

I had to give up making any effort to continue our friendship because it was torture, she was so hot to me (huge rack/brown hair/nice smile trifecta) and so fun.

At the end of the school year we had a big hotel party and it turned out she could come. We spent most of the night drinking beer in the hotel room and steam room and stuff, with our friends. Well, the party got out of hand and she got really drunk. Our friend who rented the room decided we needed to move the party because the hotel had warned us and they were going to call the cops. The whole thing was a quick affair and happened in a minute or so while this chick was in the bathroom. There was a bunch of us and we all hurried to leave.

One of my other buddies decided to stay and literally when this chick came out of the bathroom, everyone was gone except for her and my buddy whom she had just met like the hour before.

She was hammered and ended up getting together with my buddy. He knew I might be upset about it but at the same time we both did agree it wasn't like i was dating her although he knew I was gaga over her. He said she threw herself at him and that was about it.

I was hurt about it, and the next fall she actually started to go ver to his place to get it from time to time a few times until he eventually stopped it, partially because he wasn't interested in her as a girlfriend and he knew i was.

So we ended up setting up a few instances of 'double dating' and I finally got it to a point where I did go out on a date with her alone. She was weird the whole night and paranoid about being gone from home for the night (by this time she was living with her wierd adult friends). We were kissing and 'stuff' and things were going good and she just starts freaking out. I'm like, MAN THIS IS INSANE. I think what was going on was that she was maybe 'dating' this 'married' couple she was living with in exchange for rent or something.

Well, I tried to stay away from that point on except for once she called me when she was drunk and I went over to pick her up and she came back to my place. That night would have been what I wanted and an easy take but the whole time I could not ignore how messed up she was; she was really hazy. Who knows what else she might have been on that night. She had it down to nothing between us but a bedsheet and I didn't want to deal with anything that could follow the next day.

She stayed overnight but the next day would NOT talk to me. Even my buddy noticed it. She was completely mad and as it turned out that was the last time I talked to her.

I was upset because she was sweet and i wanted to date her so badly, but she was so messed up. She ended up getting pregnant like a year later. She left school early and had three kids unmarried in just a couple years. Later on a few years my friend told me she had taken her own life by running the car in the closed garage.

Kind of a downer story (sorry about that) but I guess what it shows is that sometimes for you its better if things don't work out like you initially want them to.

Edited by regfootball

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Drop her like a hot rock- don't even bother to explain why. Life is too short to deal with people who are playing crazy mind games on you.

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Drop her like a hot rock- don't even bother to explain why.  Life is too short to deal with people who are playing crazy mind games on you.

Exactly, she just proved that she's not worth your time anyway. Screw it.

There's lots of fish in the sea. :)

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Drop her like a hot rock- don't even bother to explain why.  Life is too short to deal with people who are playing crazy mind games on you.

Agreed.

I may have expounded a bit much but from all you've told us, this is probably the best path. And you will definitely have the upper hand by giving her NO explanations. None whatsoever. You will have the last laugh. She doesn't seem to be a good person and you are evidently going places, so you don't need this kind of baggage in tow.

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except one night when you least expect it she'll call you when she's drunk off her ass and she'll want to make it seem like she cares. Then, when you give her the Heisman, she'll get all huffy and bitter the next day....and that's fine.

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Guest Josh

except one night when you least expect it she'll call you when she's drunk off her ass and she'll want to make it seem like she cares.  Then, when you give her the Heisman, she'll get all huffy and bitter the next day....and that's fine.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Bull&#036;h&#33; I don't care one bit about our history. If I can bag it, I'm going to bag it and it will be just what I want out of the deal.

Just my way of saying "F" You!! Know what I mean? Get yours and tell her to get the "F" out.

I like to refence that the:

"Once over"

Give it to her "once" then it's over" :P

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If you are going to go the Josh/Reg route, please, please wear a "raincoat." I've seen good plans derailed by one night of stupidity. Personally, I wouldn't. She's trouble, even though Josh and Reg's posts are funny.

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Bull&#036;h&#33; I don't care one bit about our history. If I can bag it, I'm going to bag it and it will be just what I want out of the deal.

Just my way of saying "F" You!! Know what I mean? Get yours and tell her to get the "F" out.

I like to refence that the:

"Once over"

Give it to her "once" then it's over"  :P

:lol:

A friend of mine is the same way...

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If you are going to go the Josh/Reg route, please, please wear a "raincoat."  I've seen good plans derailed by one night of stupidity.  Personally, I wouldn't.  She's trouble, even though Josh and Reg's posts are funny.

in all honesty, Josh man, i do indeed regret not taking it to the house and being heinously nasty and rude with those chicks in the hay, but indeed I would have had to do the raincoat bit considering how fertile the one was.

its very often it goes through my mind that with the messed up girl, that's what she wanted, it would have been tremendous, and trying anything likely would have been acceptable. It would have been free reign maybe to try some kinky and degradatory stuff (but not anything that would cross the boundary into wrong) to boost the old male ego. I just had no complete idea how messed up she was and considering that the guy in the married couple she was living with at that time one time was bragging to me and my buddy about 'colored folk he had killed' back down south....well, and considering who knew if she involved in drugs or what with them.....I thought it best to keep Old Ted out of the pool in return for greater chance of less hassle in my life.

Wow, that reminds me of when one of my other buddies was being stalked by the husband of a girl we worked with. He wasn't dating her or screwing around with her, but she clearly wanted to ride his bumpy. My friend took her home one night from the bar she was really wasted and couldn't drive. As he was parked in her driveway telling her goodnight, she tried to kiss him and about the same time, her husband arrived on scene and smashed in his windshield. The guy then stalked my friend for like a month and threatened to kill him.

Fun stuff? See a chick who's fun?

THINK TWICE.

Edited by regfootball

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I think the route I'm going to take is just to leave her in the dust without any explanation. There are a few other times this year when I should've done just that, but I didn't. She's attractive, but I just don't want anything to do with her anymore. I almost feel like she's expecting me to come back. I haven't spoken a word to her since the day before her birthday, but last night at our house meeting she went in shortly before me and sat down on the sofa leaving an empty space next to her. So I went over on the other side of the room and leaned up against the window sill. I made no eye contact with her the entire night, even though she kept looking over at me. Hopefully she took the hint.

Meanwhile, I sat by this other girl today and things are going pretty well. She's a civil engineering major, blonde, beautiful, and a little shy. Afterwards I walked with her on the way back home and it was just a great day out with the sun shining and the temps perfect. Her 21st birthday is the weekend after easter, so hopefully it'll give me an excuse to hang out with her some more. :)

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If you are going to go the Josh/Reg route, please, please wear a "raincoat."

Well, that's only if you're doing it on a park bench during a thunderstorm. Otherwise, feel free to take your clothes off. :P

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I've had a slightly similar situation, in the sense that I often got some of the same treatment. However, we've just been friends the last couple years, so nothing further. My advice is also to drop her. This girl does not sound like she is anywhere near worth the &#036;h&#33; you've gone through.

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I think the route I'm going to take is just to leave her in the dust without any explanation.  There are a few other times this year when I should've done just that, but I didn't.  She's attractive, but I just don't want anything to do with her anymore.  I almost feel like she's expecting me to come back.  I haven't spoken a word to her since the day before her birthday, but last night at our house meeting she went in shortly before me and sat down on the sofa leaving an empty space next to her.  So I went over on the other side of the room and leaned up against the window sill.  I made no eye contact with her the entire night, even though she kept looking over at me.  Hopefully she took the hint.

Meanwhile, I sat by this other girl today and things are going pretty well.  She's a civil engineering major, blonde, beautiful, and a little shy.  Afterwards I walked with her on the way back home and it was just a great day out with the sun shining and the temps perfect.  Her 21st birthday is the weekend after easter, so hopefully it'll give me an excuse to hang out with her some more.  :)

damn, to have access to all those hot 21 year old chicks.......

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damn, to have access to all those hot 21 year old chicks.......

You can, with an All Access Membership. Only $29.95/month billable to your credit card or bank account. Ask Sixty8; he's got folders of bookmarks full of porn sites.

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You can, with an All Access Membership. Only $29.95/month billable to your credit card or bank account. Ask Sixty8; he's got folders of bookmarks full of porn sites.

LOL.....i set you up beautifully for that one and i didn't even know it.

Sorry, money's tight....no one should ever have to pay for porn!

Edited by regfootball

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