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Good news, bad news


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Example:

Good news - you're finally going skydiving!

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Bad news - when you jump, your parachute won't work!

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Good news - There's a truck full of pillows conveniently placed right below you to cushion your fall.

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Bad news - there's a bear driving the truck!

------------

I'll start:

Good news - You just won a Cadillac!

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Bad news: your toilet decided to back up at just the right time so now you have diarrhea water all over your bathroom floor.

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Good news - Both of them found out that you are a big old filthy man whore. Wife divorces you, takes the Monte Carlo and sells it for pennies on the dollar on Craigslist. Your boyfriend leaves you soon after, leaving you in a pool of your own emotional vomit, compelling you to commit suicide. Since you're just a big old whiny bitch, you go through with it. Good job, jackass. You're dead now ...

... except this was all really just a bad dream. You aren't having an extra marital affair with some dude you met in Dallas (although, because of you dreaming about it, you're probably going to go to counseling soon and wind up in a gigolo gang bang with your wife to expel your repressed feelings), your Monte Carlo was never real to begin with, your dog has been dead for years, you never went to the hospital or Barrett-Jackson, and the Cadillac you won was actually a 2010 CTS-V wagon and not a turbo-powered Cimarron pro-tourer.

Edited by black-knight
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  • 2 weeks later...

Bad News: The dealership is given a D- for performance on the video, C+ for repairing the Auto initial issue and a F for breaking some other item to cause return business.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Good News, Your Crazy Cousin informs you he has decided he really likes the looks of the Stalker Mechanic and is going to stalk him back till he disappears.

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Bad news: Stalker Mechanic discovers Crazy Cousin, beats the tar out of him, and then comes after you claiming that you sent Crazy Cousin after him. He chases you out of your house, over your back fence and down the road. You're screaming bloody murder the whole way and he's laughing maniacally, this entire spectacle making a huge scene and alerting your already wary-of-you neigbors to the comedy of tragedies that is your life.

Edited by Turbojett
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Bad News: The company was bought out by the competitor and the Director and everyone else is out to cover their ass. So trying to figure out what happened to your boss and his secretary is history. Now you have to worry about your job.

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