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Relationship Advice......


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Okay.....so I've met someone new. He's a great guy.....this Saturday will be three weeks from our first date. We've been really good about taking it easy, taking each day as it goes....and so on.

My question is.....I'd love to just date him, and I'm not interested in meeting anyone else....so how quick is too quick....to ask him to be my boyfriend? Mind you I'm not talking about moving in, getting married, or anything like that....but we've hit it off SO GOOD that I'm ready to start thinking about taking some further steps.

I've gotten all good signs from the beginning.....we kissed on the first date, held hands all throughout a movie, cuddled on the couch together at home, and just last Sunday, we took it a step further and, yes, had some "fun."

We talk or text numerous times throughout the day, and he's been candid about how much fun he has with me and how much he likes me.

So given the above situation, what do you guys think? I don't want to rush into anything.....but I know that I've found someone that I really like, and could end up caring for more deeply....so why not take the lead? I just don't wanna scare him......

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Ms. Balthazar's annalysis: "It sounds like what you are really asking is- is it too early to ask him to commit to you - is that correct? If so she says yes; 3 weeks is too soon.

Got it! Thanks guys.....

I'm just unusual in that when I see something I want, I usually know it....and am not one to "beat around the bush."

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Ok. My turn.

So there is this cute little Starbucks Barrista that has been making eyes at me. Exactly what I like <shorter than me, dark hair, faux hawk, beard> so I can't help but check him out. Day before I went to Germany, I went in without my co-workers for the first time. He gave me my tea and muffin order for free.

As a kindness when I returned, I brought him a small package of chocolate as a thank you. He came around the counter and gave me a kiss on the cheek and his phone number. I told him right there that I have a BF and I'm not seeking anything from him. He said that's fine. So we txt back and forth a little and in less than a few hours he's begging me to come over to make out. After I reminded him that I have a BF and I won't cheat on him, he went completely psycho calling me every name in the book.

Apparently, being nice to someone who has been nice to you indicates a desire to f@#k. I had no idea.

I guess I'm not really asking for advice, just venting.

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Guys never say no, do they? :unsure:

OCN: don't over-analyse... When it 'happens' (whatever that is) it will. If it never does, don't worry about that either and move on. It sounds cliche, but when two persons click, they are just naturally on the same page. If it becomes forces, then it isn't working.

My two cents.

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Too soon.... way.

just have fun with it for now.... no one says you have to go off and date other people.... it'll just solidify if it was meant to be.

+1

Chris

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Ok. My turn.

So there is this cute little Starbucks Barrista that has been making eyes at me. Exactly what I like <shorter than me, dark hair, faux hawk, beard> so I can't help but check him out. Day before I went to Germany, I went in without my co-workers for the first time. He gave me my tea and muffin order for free.

As a kindness when I returned, I brought him a small package of chocolate as a thank you. He came around the counter and gave me a kiss on the cheek and his phone number. I told him right there that I have a BF and I'm not seeking anything from him. He said that's fine. So we txt back and forth a little and in less than a few hours he's begging me to come over to make out. After I reminded him that I have a BF and I won't cheat on him, he went completely psycho calling me every name in the book.

Apparently, being nice to someone who has been nice to you indicates a desire to f@#k. I had no idea.

I guess I'm not really asking for advice, just venting.

Ouch!!! Sorry this happened to you. You seem like in real life your a really kind person, and sometimes people mistake kindness for weakness. Also, glad to see you were faithful to your BF. I've always been faithfull to my wife, but it hasn't always been easy.

Chris

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Too soon.... way.

just have fun with it for now.... no one says you have to go off and date other people.... it'll just solidify if it was meant to be.

+1

The only thing I would have changed if it was me writing it would be to say "Way too soon" instead of "Too soon.... way."

Congrats on meeting someone great!

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Ok. My turn.

So there is this cute little Starbucks Barrista that has been making eyes at me. Exactly what I like <shorter than me, dark hair, faux hawk, beard> so I can't help but check him out. Day before I went to Germany, I went in without my co-workers for the first time. He gave me my tea and muffin order for free.

As a kindness when I returned, I brought him a small package of chocolate as a thank you. He came around the counter and gave me a kiss on the cheek and his phone number. I told him right there that I have a BF and I'm not seeking anything from him. He said that's fine. So we txt back and forth a little and in less than a few hours he's begging me to come over to make out. After I reminded him that I have a BF and I won't cheat on him, he went completely psycho calling me every name in the book.

Apparently, being nice to someone who has been nice to you indicates a desire to f@#k. I had no idea.

I guess I'm not really asking for advice, just venting.

OK this reminds me of a really, really bizarre experience from high school. They had a Starbucks right across the street from my HS, and I was obviously in there all the time. First name basis with every employee, big tips, and in return free drinks all the time. Like once I forgot my wallet and didn't realize until after I ordered, and I was able to get my drink anyway b/c they knew I'd be back later and would pay them then.

ANYWAY

So this flamboyant barista...let's not use real names so I'll call him Pax. Went to my HS graduated class of 99, we knew some of the same families, etc. I'm friendly to all my baristas, because most of them are cool, I like getting good service, and if you're a favorite customer you get tons of free &#036;h&#33;...all just for being a decent, friendly human being. I like that deal. So Pax is always comping my drinks. Like almost every time he rings me up. Cool, I won't complain. This was the year the Texas case went to the Supreme Court, and one time I was in there and Pax, another two baristas and I were discussing it. Because I was pretty strongly against the Texas law as a matter of civil rights and basic human decency, I guess Pax got the wrong idea. Guy got kinda pushy...I say I'm going to apply to big CA schools for college, and he's like "No no no...what you want is a small liberal arts college. TRUST ME on that." I assured him I was well aware of what I was doing. Later on some comment was made, or something I don't quite remember, but my response must have given him the idea that maybe, just maybe I wasn't receptive to his "advances" and BAM the bitch turned on a dime and was the rudest, most foul barista I've ever known, to the extent that even his fellow baristas would be like "DUDE what is your problem! This guy's awesome and is in here every day!" Then turn to me and be like "I am SO SORRY I have no idea what's gotten into him today."

Anyway, Olds, your barista story reminded me of my own. But if you want to avoid this situation in the future, a box of chocolate, however small, might be overly ambiguous...seems a little excessive of a "thank you" to someone you're not interested in. Stick to dropping a Jackson in the tip jar instead.

Edited by Croc
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OK, your turn:

Okay.....so I've met someone new. He's a great guy.....this Saturday will be three weeks from our first date. We've been really good about taking it easy, taking each day as it goes....and so on.

My question is.....I'd love to just date him, and I'm not interested in meeting anyone else....so how quick is too quick....to ask him to be my boyfriend? Mind you I'm not talking about moving in, getting married, or anything like that....but we've hit it off SO GOOD that I'm ready to start thinking about taking some further steps.

3 weeks = how many dates? If less than 10, I'm going to have to give you &#036;h&#33; for sounding like one of those girls who calls Dr. Drew on Loveline.

I've gotten all good signs from the beginning.....we kissed on the first date, held hands all throughout a movie, cuddled on the couch together at home, and just last Sunday, we took it a step further and, yes, had some "fun."
Overshare.

We talk or text numerous times throughout the day, and he's been candid about how much fun he has with me and how much he likes me.
:puke: Texting "I love you"s and "I miss you"s constantly throughout the day is what made me loathe my sister's current BF. Schmoopie.

So given the above situation, what do you guys think? I don't want to rush into anything.....but I know that I've found someone that I really like, and could end up caring for more deeply....so why not take the lead? I just don't wanna scare him......

If you don't want to scare him, dial it back a notch. And by a notch I mean take it from Level 50 to about 6. Why not take the lead? Because it's desperate and needy. Don't be taken for a fool by rushing into things. Two outcomes generally occur from moving in on someone too quickly: they run far, far away and change their identity and/or file a restraining order...or they see $$ and bilk you for all you're worth.

Give it time, let it grow organically.

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Exactly on the slow thing. My wife and I were friends first, we didn't even kiss for the first few months, and we are still together almost 24 years later.

Good luck, BTW.

And as Paulino said, glad you've met someone special.

Chris

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:puke: Texting "I love you"s and "I miss you"s constantly throughout the day is what made me loathe my sister's current BF. Schmoopie.

My ho and I exchange texts like "I'm bored, wanna f@#k?" "Suck me, beautiful" and "You have a tiny wiener" throughout the day. Today was a little different, with things like "Are you sure its the flu?" "You're certain you're not pregnant?" "Take a test, just to be safe" and "Dont make me steal your pee".

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CARBIZ, was that some sort of pre-emptive strike?

I agree with Drew, the relationship should grow for each of you mutually and naturally progress into monogamy with no overt effort from either of you boys.

Oh, who am I kidding. I have no business giving others advice on love when I am a complete and utter failure at it, even as my heart finds a way to break every day over Ryan.

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OK, your turn:

3 weeks = how many dates? If less than 10, I'm going to have to give you &#036;h&#33; for sounding like one of those girls who calls Dr. Drew on Loveline.

Overshare.

:puke: Texting "I love you"s and "I miss you"s constantly throughout the day is what made me loathe my sister's current BF. Schmoopie.

If you don't want to scare him, dial it back a notch. And by a notch I mean take it from Level 50 to about 6. Why not take the lead? Because it's desperate and needy. Don't be taken for a fool by rushing into things. Two outcomes generally occur from moving in on someone too quickly: they run far, far away and change their identity and/or file a restraining order...or they see $$ and bilk you for all you're worth.

Give it time, let it grow organically.

OK.....I get the point.

And to make matters worse, the "love" from northern CA has re-entered the situation......<groan>......I'm so confused!!!!!!

Seriously.....I'll not necessarily "dial it back"....but continue the course. The course has been steady, but sure. So we'll keep it there.

And, btw....our texts aren't all "I love You" and "I miss You" kind of texts.....but just that we stay in good touch.

Now I have to contend with the NorCal situation too.....UGH....

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Okay.....so I've met someone new. He's a great guy.....this Saturday will be three weeks from our first date. We've been really good about taking it easy, taking each day as it goes....and so on.

My question is.....I'd love to just date him, and I'm not interested in meeting anyone else....so how quick is too quick....to ask him to be my boyfriend? Mind you I'm not talking about moving in, getting married, or anything like that....but we've hit it off SO GOOD that I'm ready to start thinking about taking some further steps.

I've gotten all good signs from the beginning.....we kissed on the first date, held hands all throughout a movie, cuddled on the couch together at home, and just last Sunday, we took it a step further and, yes, had some "fun."

We talk or text numerous times throughout the day, and he's been candid about how much fun he has with me and how much he likes me.

So given the above situation, what do you guys think? I don't want to rush into anything.....but I know that I've found someone that I really like, and could end up caring for more deeply....so why not take the lead? I just don't wanna scare him......

Damn, and here I was saving myself for you! :smilewide:

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My ho and I exchange texts like "I'm bored, wanna f@#k?" "Suck me, beautiful" and "You have a tiny wiener" throughout the day. Today was a little different, with things like "Are you sure its the flu?" "You're certain you're not pregnant?" "Take a test, just to be safe" and "Dont make me steal your pee".

OK now that is just effin brilliant. Applause, sir, applause.

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CARBIZ, was that some sort of pre-emptive strike?

I agree with Drew, the relationship should grow for each of you mutually and naturally progress into monogamy with no overt effort from either of you boys.

Oh, who am I kidding. I have no business giving others advice on love when I am a complete and utter failure at it, even as my heart finds a way to break every day over Ryan.

:lol:

I thought it would give you a chuckle.

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That's funny she kissed me on the 1st date! :AH-HA_wink:

You guys crack me up. In 'our' world the danger is NOT putting out on the first date. When 95% of guys only want to get laid, you can imagine the testosterone in the air when two of them are sizing each other up.

I will never forget the first time a guy said he 'wanted to go slow.' I was, like 19 and he was 17. I was half undressed and he was, like, 'woe, slow down there, I just want to take it slow.' My eyes nearly popped out of my head. What???? I replied.

Hell, even my current partner (who could be Mother Theresa reincarnated), went home with me on the 'first date.' 6 1/2 years later, I'd say it was a good decision on both our parts. In retrospect, because he had 3 month's English, if he had taken my phone number, he probably wouldn't have called because he was so shy about his horrid English.

I remember during my Eighteen Months in the Wilderness (the year and half between my 10 year relationship and this one) and I met a young guy via a phone service, he asked me how I knew if I had met 'the one.' First of all, I corrected him, there is never 'the one.' That is a myth. There is always the 'right now' or the 'best available,' but with 3 billion potential mates on the planet (unless, of course, you are bisexual), how can a person ever be absolutely positive that you met 'the one?' Secondly, and of this I am sure, if you must ask yourself if 'this is the one,' then most certainly this one is not.

I may not be a trained psychotherapist, but having been 'around the block' since I was 15 and being in relationships of one sort or the other all my life, I feel I have a lot of 'hard knocks' training. I tend to agree with the character played by Andrew McCarthy in St. Elmo's Fire where he states that the concept of spending the rest of one's life with the same person was a myth created in a time when we were lucky to live past the age of 30 for being eaten by dinosaurs.

You take what Life serves you, whether it's caviar or cabbage. It is what you make of that caviar or cabbage that counts.

[Gad, I need another coffee.]

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You guys crack me up. In 'our' world the danger is NOT putting out on the first date. When 95% of guys only want to get laid, you can imagine the testosterone in the air when two of them are sizing each other up.

I will never forget the first time a guy said he 'wanted to go slow.' I was, like 19 and he was 17. I was half undressed and he was, like, 'woe, slow down there, I just want to take it slow.' My eyes nearly popped out of my head. What???? I replied.

Hell, even my current partner (who could be Mother Theresa reincarnated), went home with me on the 'first date.' 6 1/2 years later, I'd say it was a good decision on both our parts. In retrospect, because he had 3 month's English, if he had taken my phone number, he probably wouldn't have called because he was so shy about his horrid English.

I remember during my Eighteen Months in the Wilderness (the year and half between my 10 year relationship and this one) and I met a young guy via a phone service, he asked me how I knew if I had met 'the one.' First of all, I corrected him, there is never 'the one.' That is a myth. There is always the 'right now' or the 'best available,' but with 3 billion potential mates on the planet (unless, of course, you are bisexual), how can a person ever be absolutely positive that you met 'the one?' Secondly, and of this I am sure, if you must ask yourself if 'this is the one,' then most certainly this one is not.

I may not be a trained psychotherapist, but having been 'around the block' since I was 15 and being in relationships of one sort or the other all my life, I feel I have a lot of 'hard knocks' training. I tend to agree with the character played by Andrew McCarthy in St. Elmo's Fire where he states that the concept of spending the rest of one's life with the same person was a myth created in a time when we were lucky to live past the age of 30 for being eaten by dinosaurs.

You take what Life serves you, whether it's caviar or cabbage. It is what you make of that caviar or cabbage that counts.

[Gad, I need another coffee.]

Go get a Starbucks, then. Seriously, I think it must be tough being a gay man and trying to find a serious long term relationship.

Chris

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That's why we like you, O.C., because you wear your heart on your sleeve. But, this is cyberspace, so it doesn't matter. Act differently in matters of the heart in the REAL world.

I do wear my heart on my sleeve.

I tend to get emotional pretty quickly. But I always try to temper it....and know when to let the emotions out. I guess I'd rather have the emotions.....I like butterflies in my stomach.....I like those kinds of feelings.....so I'd rather have them.

But when I say I get emotional, I mean heartfelt feelings.....not emotional like outwardly, if you know what I mean (I can't remember the last time I cried...outwardly emotional in that sort of way.)

My biggest problem is I set myself up too easily to get taken advantage of. Which is strange, because I'm a pretty strong and independent individual in everyday life.....so it's funny that I'm that way when in love (or in infatuation, or whatever.)

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Flu doesn't last 18 years.

Flu can't love you back, tuck you into bed and bring you a tea when your feeling Ill, play Grand Tourismo 4 with you, Graduate High school, Graduate College, Play Baseball, pass a football, etc.

Having kids, if your ready, can be the best experience of your life.

Chris

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I am going to dole out some semi-serious relationship advice. If you find someone remotely tolerable, keep them around. If you can stand to see each other everyday for a month or two and after an hour in the same room you dont have the urge to stab them in the face with a dull knife, you've found the closest thing to "the one" that you'll ever find. Or I'm just warped.

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I am going to dole out some semi-serious relationship advice. If you find someone remotely tolerable, keep them around. If you can stand to see each other everyday for a month or two and after an hour in the same room you dont have the urge to stab them in the face with a dull knife, you've found the closest thing to "the one" that you'll ever find. Or I'm just warped.

No, that's probably sage advice. Too many people live their lives alone because they are expecting perfection. Sorry, but I am taken, so the rest of you will have to settle for 'good enough.' :P

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I am going to dole out some semi-serious relationship advice. If you find someone remotely tolerable, keep them around. If you can stand to see each other everyday for a month or two and after an hour in the same room you dont have the urge to stab them in the face with a dull knife, you've found the closest thing to "the one" that you'll ever find. Or I'm just warped.

my wife enjoyed that one! can i quote you on my signature?

Edited by regfootball
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It sounds cliche, but when two persons click, they are just naturally on the same page. If it becomes forces, then it isn't working.

:yes:

And above all try and not make the mistake of letting something that isn't working rot right in front of you. If you have to be a bastard and just turn away, just do it and move on. Believe me, the alternative (watching things rot away in front of you) is much more painful.

Edited by ZL-1
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