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Jokes - California

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We Californians get a lot of not so friendly ribbing around here; so here are some jokes to calm you all down. Enjoy :)

Californians

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You! 've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown,

and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball

cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license.

If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

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22. You're sitting in a traffic jam on the highway. And the highway has six lanes on each side.

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they're all genious.

24. It's rained two inches and reports of street flooding are on the news.

25. It's rained for two weeks straight, the only two weeks out of the last year that it's rained, and Los Angelenos are on the news, literally crying asking why this is happenning to Los Angeles.

26. You're from somewhere else, it's been six months and it's been sunny everyday. You stand outside on your balcony, it's February, Chicago has below zero temps, and it's 70 and it's perfectly cloudless.

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28.The freeway transitions from 5 lanes to 6 lanes yet the flow of traffic stays constant.

29. You know well enough to stay off the 405 at 4:00 or 5:00 otherwise you will be driving 4 or 5 mph.

30. You know if you are in bumper to bumper traffic, the issue is probably an accident on the opposite side of the freeway, or there is a sign up ahead.

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31. You put "the" in front of all your highway numbers

32. Baseball games in the morning are not at all unusual

33. You follow water polo and know what song girls are.

Edited by Croc

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34. Your political views are left of Castro but your Governor is a Republican Mr. Universe.

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29. You know well enough to stay off the 405 at 4:00 or 5:00 otherwise you will be driving 4 or 5 mph.

dude...not even. you'll be sitting stationary in one spot for about half an hour. :lol:

39: you think 55 degrees is UNBEARABLY FREEZING.

40: when you get mugged, you nonchalantly hand over your wallet without missing a step and tell the mugger to "keep the change"

41:you don't know a single person whose car is exactly as it left the factory.

42: when you hear people talking about sighting Ferraris and Lamborghinis over the internet, you think "so what? there's a Ferrari dealership two blocks from my house."

43: There is a Ferrari dealership two blocks from your house.

44: when you went to school, the "halls" were outside.

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I got a full joke for you that Oregonians love.

There are 3 guys camping. One from Oregon, one from New York and one from California.

While sitting around the New Yorker decides it would be fun to throw up the beer cans they've finished off to shoot at. He throws up the first one and hits it spot on.

The Californian looks at him and says I bet I can do that with my eyes closed. So he throws up the can, closes his eyes and hits the can spot on.

Without missing a beat the Oregonian joins in the fun and throws a can in to the air only to turn to the Californian and shoot him. The New Yorker panics and says, "What did you do that for?".

The Oregonian reponds, "Californians are a dime a dozen, the cans worth a nickel."

Point here;

45. You moved to the Northwest purchased a 5000 sq ft home for a 1/4 of the price of the home you sold in LA only to move back to LA a year later due to weather depression, wondering how you can afford a home again in LA.

Edited by Dsuupr

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46. You go to the local (every Saturday) Newport Coast hot rod/exotic car show and see 4 Ford GTs, 2 Ferrari F40s, and 2 Ferrari Enzos at ONCE...

47. You go to the local (every Saturday) Newport Coast hot rod/exotic car show and.....you cruise the parking lot.....because the parking lot FOR the car show has almost as many cool cars as the car show itself...

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48. You are keenly aware of the difference between SMOG and the MARINE LAYER.

49. EVERY Saturday during the summer has beautiful weather (really, every day period), 75-80 degrees, sun shining, no humidity, but everybody, including the news and radio DJ's are taking about "what a beautiful day it is" and how "gorgeous" the weather is.

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51. All the heterosexual people in the neighborhood are now happy that the gay couple moved into the house next door, re-landscaped, re-modeled and have driven up every home value on the block. Plus, they through a killer house warming party.

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53. You hella use the world "hella" and "like"-- in like every sentence.

Northern California FTL <_<

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57. You "go to the snow" instead of having it come to you.

58. Every numbered freeway has a "the" in front of it

59. Weather is "partly cloudy" whereas in Seattle it's "partly sunny"

60. You know some words in Farsi...and you're Anglo

61. People actually BRAG about their plastic surgery

62. The two parts of the state (north/south) hate each other and would like to secede (from each other)

63. Your mayor is likely to be a movie star (...and that can lead to scary things)

64. You have a 3.3 high school GPA, are Anglo and are ABLE to get into a UC school because of the diversity you offer

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64.  You have a 3.3 high school GPA, are Anglo and are ABLE to get into a UC school because of the diversity you offer

LOL :lol: That's so true... technically, many minorities (Asians) are actually discriminated against under affirmative action.

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