Paolino

Friends & Lovers...

157 posts in this topic

I'm currently in a situation where I've found someone I feel is the absolute ideal for me, and he looks at me as just a good friend. I'm head over heels for him--I think he's the greatest guy I've ever met... again, he sees me just as a good friend. Ever been in this situation? Has anyone ever had the situation turn out good where the other person actually started liking them romantically one day? Or has it just turned out to be a lot of heart-ache?
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FAR TOO MANY OF THOSE SITUATIONS FOR ME. ultimately, 'it' happens or it doesn't. I'm not sure if a relationship is missing a 'spark' early on, if it ever follows through. nothing sucks more in life when you are so desiring someone else, that its hard to breathe when that person is in your presence, but ultimately they cannot profess the same affection. its a shame we couldn't sit and have a few beers and discuss it. Sounds like you need some encouragement. if i started typing everything i'd love to share with you or cheer you up with, i think i'd have enough stories to last all week. I might just depress you all to heck too. i suppose i could be brief about it, and limit it to like 2 or 3. One gal I worked with one summer on an overnight retail job, we were good friends, 'buds' at work and then a funny thing happened at the end of that summer. She asked for my number and stuff when i went back to school for the fall (she went to a different school). I would start to visit her on trips back home, which subsequently led to spontaneous making out. Friends. HMMMMM. Well, the inevitable. The next summer she got an intership in a bigger city and me, the fool I am, decided I needed to drive down and see her like 5 times that summer, and go on legitimate dates. Well, it was a HOT summer, although it got to the point where on my 21st birthday no less, before she took me out to celebrate, i told her what i thought of her and got the 'i thought we were friends bit' in return. WHOA. whoa. After that, i blew her off for awhile, then got 'I need you in my life' letters like weeks after that. Finally, when i went to visit her again at her beck and call to see what the f was going to happen, here's Mr. motorcycle dude, she just had started dating with half the parts of his bike sprawled out all over the apartment floor. Well, all this, point being, sometimes the other person is either afraid to go and admit how much they like someone or they like and maybe love you, but have big doubts for some reason, or feel that its just not a burning, fireworks kind of thing. In this case, she could not allow herself the notion that I could be the one that was making her crazy. Was i not tall enough? Not smart enough? Different in some fundamental way? Man, the way i felt and the way I thought she felt, hearing the 'friends' bit was like a freight train, or a knife gouging deep into your stomach. Well that's just one of them. Enough for now. I was reflecting on all of this recently, how when you're young and single, you meet so many suitors, so many people that you are attracted to, and all the joy and yes, hassle and heartache that goes with trying to meet and find the right person to be with. I hold grudges, so all these chicks who screwed me in the past, even though I still hold lots of anger and hurt towards a few of them.....there is always those things about each one of them that i remember that makes me hurt from missing them. Odd, now that i am married and am totally in love with my wife, how sometimes you have those feelings for old 'loves', friends, whatever. But you do...always will. I guess my point is, it will work out somehow. I believe in destiny and things happening for a reason, out of our control. Fate. One night, unexpectedly, i met my wife, and things were forever changed for me. The thing was I KNEW she felt the same way from the get go. Sparks for sure. I would say that either the person you want may indeed want to be a friend, or perhaps they are shy and don't know how they feel and things may take patience and time. Enjoy the time, wear your heart on your sleeve, take your chances. At least let the person in somehow on how you might feel about them. You may not get the chance again, and if it doesn't work out, just remember that maybe it was just a step to a greater relationship in your life in the future. Make the most of it now and put yourself on the line, otherwise you'll never know for sure and that will kill you more forever than stewing about some bike parts on her (his) apartment floor. ps. the chick even had the nerve to send me a wedding photo from her wedding on a cruise ship. like i cared..... ok, so i did. I wish I hadn't destroyed all her letters and her photos. Yeah, and she wasn't the only one with the 'haha I'm getting married and not to YOU' letter......at least it wasn't in EMAIL form. Edited by regfootball
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I kinda know where you're coming from....If it wasn't for this type of situation, I'd have had no interaction with women at all. We're both victims of "Nice Guy Sydrome", in that we treat the ones we want with respect. I'd much rather hold the door open for a lady thatn fling her a cheesy pickup line, and you seem like the similar type. Is your guy currently with someone who's obviously 100% wrong for him, or has he previously dated people who are wrong for him? I've been down that road before too, and it's really frustrating when they complain to me about the one they're with. Sorry this turned into more of a rant than anything else, but I feel your pain.
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Oh my God...<long pause>...you're gay!

-With borrowed liberties from Family Guy. :P

[post="9577"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Fly, you didn't know? :P


Reg.. thank you for sharing. I'm at that point where being around him just takes my breath away. I mean, I've been out with so many guys, and no one has ever really felt right for me. I have been meeting crap, I must say... and when I met him, I just dropped my jaw... I mean, absolutely brilliant, hard-working, gorgeous, masculine--what more could I want?

I'm just trying to be "friends" for now, but I won't lie--I keep hoping that one day he'll just look at me differently.
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I kinda know where you're coming from....If it wasn't for this type of situation, I'd have had no interaction with women at all. We're both victims of "Nice Guy Sydrome", in that we treat the ones we want with respect. I'd much rather hold the door open for a lady thatn fling her a cheesy pickup line, and you seem like the similar type. Is your guy currently with someone who's obviously 100% wrong for him, or has he previously dated people who are wrong for him? I've been down that road before too, and it's really frustrating when they complain to me about the one they're with.

Sorry this turned into more of a rant than anything else, but I feel your pain.

[post="9581"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


No, he's been out of a relationship for a little more than a year. He just knew his last bf wasn't for him.

And you're right, the nice guys are really getting screwed--just not literally! :P
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Fly, you didn't know?  :P
Reg.. thank you for sharing.  I'm at that point where being around him just takes my breath away.  I mean, I've been out with so many guys, and no one has ever really felt right for me.  I have been meeting crap, I must say... and when I met him, I just dropped my jaw... I mean, absolutely brilliant, hard-working, gorgeous, masculine--what more could I want?

I'm just trying to be "friends" for now, but I won't lie--I keep hoping that one day he'll just look at me differently.

[post="9584"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Don't let the friends bit go too long before you start to let them know how you really feel. If you wait too long, its much tougher.
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Fly, you didn't know?  :P

[post="9584"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Yeah, I knew. Just referencing the time Brian was (again) giving Peter advice regarding something and his reaction is, "Oh my God! You can talk!"
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I met this girl Julie when I was in College, we went on a few casual dates and I introduced her to my then best friend Alex who was married. A year later Alex is divorced and living wiht Julie. <_< Me and Julie ended up just really good friends. Anotehr year and a half goes by and I'm wiht Marcia but things are a little rough. We're togeather but just out of convenience. Alex and Julie are half-broken up too. He's now living in W.Virginia and finally fulfilled his lifelong dream of being a cop. I end up cheating on Marcia with Julie. She finds out and now I'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. Also I lost Julie as a friend. :rolleyes: :( In hindsight I did it more to get back at Alex then anything else. He stabbed me in the back and lied and manipulated e to get closer to Julie when we were just casually dating. Edited by Sixty8panther
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Well, I haven't been in your position Paulie, but I have actually been in the opposite position...(yes...me...i know...kinda wierd right?)...I mean, you think, me being the guy who has never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl, never done anything but looked at naked pictures of them on the internet would get into any relationship I can...but I have been in several situations where the girl thought i was a great guy and really hot, but I just didnt feel the same way...hell, I am still in several of those situations right now...I can name off atleast 5 girls who think I am hott and want to be with me, but I just dont feel the same...the other problem is a couple are too young, a couple are in band or colorguard ('nuff said right? :P) And I'm just not attracted...I mean, they would be fine for bootycall I guess, but I am 18, and having no relationship before I have kinda turned pussy in that I don't want my first time to be a waste...after all this time of not experiencing any thing I want my first time of whatever to be worth it... Not to steal the thread or anything...I'm just stating it from another point of view...not that you can use it for comparison...I'm a special case really...you don't find to many never been kissed, never had a girlfriend, virgin 18 year old guys...
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just so ya know im kinda in a situation like that, but she loves me, cares about me unconditionally, cant live without me, yet she doesnt want to commit cuz shes afraid shell hurt me ir ill hurt her
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Well, I fell head over heels for my best friend, I couldn't help it. We used to hang out all the time, do everything together. We lived together in University and I told him I loved him, but he didn't feel the same since he likes girls... (I never really did get over him) I feel for you Paolino, I really do!
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I tell you, it's frustrating as all hell! I feel like I'm on a cloud when I'm hanging out with him... I mean, I can honestly say, no guy has EVER made me feel the way he does.
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I tell you, it's frustrating as all hell!  I feel like I'm on a cloud when I'm hanging out with him... I mean, I can honestly say, no guy has EVER made me feel the way he does.

[post="9728"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

So are you still spending time with him now?
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It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

So are you still spending time with him now?

[post="9730"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Oh hell yeah... I can't get enough. We're not going to be hanging out too often because of work starting up again, but we talk every day. I look forward to the conversations, he's brilliant and funny. We just have a good time together.
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Do you even want to get over him, because it sounds like you still think it is possible to be with him. I may be wrong, but I have to be away from the guy for some time before I can get over them, It's like an addiction!
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Do you even want to get over him, because it sounds like you still think it is possible to be with him. I may be wrong, but I have to be away from the guy for some time before I can get over them, It's like an addiction!

[post="9758"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Well, you're right on that count... I don't want to get over him. I just want it to work out. It's really frustrating in that sense--I know that with the less time I'll be spending with him I'll feel less of the attraction, but in the same regards, I just want to practically marry him and spend every moment with him! lol
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It's just plain odd that that happens.. when two people have so much in common, make eachother feel happy, but the feelings are only one sided, sometimes it feel no more than a sick joke that is being played on us.

[post="9730"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Man isn't that the truth. :( :angry:
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I've been down this road a few times in my life. It starts as a friendship, then grows until I find I want to be with the guy all the time (nothing sexual, just a mutually caring, close friendship). He seems like he feels the same way, at least for a while. Then he gets a girlfriend (it's always a single guy this happens with) and it's all over. I can't blame them, (well maybe a little for accepting all my attention) I have to blame myself for setting myself up for heartache over and over.

Paulie, I hope you can find a way to let him know you love him. WHAT IF... he feels the same way as you do? Let him know... either you win his love, or lose his friendship, which is probably better for you in the long run if he doesn't feel the same.

I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend. It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.
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I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend.  It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.

[post="9849"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


I know what that is like, straight people forget that I'm gay and think it is great that I care so much, and then they end up getting girlfriends and don't even bother to hang out anymore. Even the guys that I didn't have strong feelings for all do the same thing. It' real hard when your not a queen tearing up the clubs, I get hit on by girls way too much, and never hit on by a guy.. it's like I am a gay leper but chicks dig me!
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I can't believe I've missed this topic. I too suffer from the dreaded "nice guy syndrome." I'm just too god damn nice. At this stage in my life, girls don't want a nice guy...they want a daring guy, but that's not who I am. There is this one girl in my classes that I just feel would be absolutely perfect for me...we have similar interests (she's into muscle cars *thumbs up*), kinda laid back personalities, have every single class together...but she has some crazy rule that she won't date guys from the same major. I don't know if she's noticed that I've showed some interest in her, but some days we'll be pretty close, and others it seems like we're merely just acquaintances. She's kind of a loner when it comes to relationships though...she's an attractive and popular girl, but her last couple relationships ended pretty badly and I don't know if that's part of the problem why she distances herself so much. Ever since my last girlfriend, I've been striking out quite a bit. I think I'm setting my standards too high, but I don't want some ditzy sorority chick or someone that has little ambition about what they want to do in life. I think another part of the problem is that I'm always busy...everytime I start getting close to someone, I get bogged down with projects and schoolwork. I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait it out until I'm 25, out of college, have a steady job, etc...I hear that's when the girls are looking to settle down with the nice guys.
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I've been down this road a few times in my life.  It starts as a friendship, then grows until I find I want to be with the guy all the time (nothing sexual, just a mutually caring, close friendship).  He seems like he feels the same way, at least for a while.  Then he gets a girlfriend (it's always a single guy this happens with) and it's all over.  I can't blame them, (well maybe a little for accepting all my attention) I have to blame myself for setting myself up for heartache over and over.

Paulie, I hope you can find a way to let him know you love him.  WHAT IF... he feels the same way as you do?  Let him know... either you win his love, or lose his friendship, which is probably better for you in the long run if he doesn't feel the same.

I've been told "nothing about me is gay" by a gay friend.  It's hard on guys like me sometimes who aren't "out there" and obvious.

[post="9849"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Oh, ocn, he knows... we've talked about it. He's been great about it all too.. he hasn't changed at all knowing I like him, however, he's not likin' me back :P

As for not being "obvious"... I kinda like my men that way ;) He's got this ridiculously deep voice, built like a tank, into every sport on the face of the earth--hell, he's even been with like a thousand girls before. And yes, he's gay. :rolleyes:
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I can't believe I've missed this topic.  I too suffer from the dreaded "nice guy syndrome."  I'm just too god damn nice.  At this stage in my life, girls don't want a nice guy...they want a daring guy, but that's not who I am.

There is this one girl in my classes that I just feel would be absolutely perfect for me...we have similar interests (she's into muscle cars *thumbs up*), kinda laid back personalities, have every single class together...but she has some crazy rule that she won't date guys from the same major.  I don't know if she's noticed that I've showed some interest in her, but some days we'll be pretty close, and others it seems like we're merely just acquaintances.  She's kind of a loner when it comes to relationships though...she's an attractive and popular girl, but her last couple relationships ended pretty badly and I don't know if that's part of the problem why she distances herself so much.

Ever since my last girlfriend, I've been striking out quite a bit.  I think I'm setting my standards too high, but I don't want some ditzy sorority chick or someone that has little ambition about what they want to do in life.  I think another part of the problem is that I'm always busy...everytime I start getting close to someone, I get bogged down with projects and schoolwork.

I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait it out until I'm 25, out of college, have a steady job, etc...I hear that's when the girls are looking to settle down with the nice guys.

[post="9927"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]


Don't lower your standards--it's very important, otherwise you won't be happy. I know that for a fact. You'll find the right one, I'm sure! She's out there--you just have to give it a lot of time, and above all, patience!
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I might be new to the "community" but how many gay ppl are on this page? because there appears to be more than I thought!
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