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Dsuupr

Help me kill my wife's car

52 posts in this topic

Those that have been around a while will remember everything I did to try and kill Roach I, non of which actually killed the cars (Roach I had over 390,000 miles on original engine & trans). I want Roach III to go away and the only way it will is if it has a major mechanical breakdown.

Does anybody have ideas on what I can do to cause this to happen without my wife knowing?

For the record, I've tried to the following to one or all three Roaches and NONE of them even hesitated to keep running.

1. Jumped off the ground and landed extra hard on frame

2. Put in reverse at full highway speed

3. Used one gallon of water for 10 gallons of gas

4. Pushed down high a gravel pile

5. Darn near totalled a honda civic in an accident, but only caused VERY minor damage to Roach I (wife did this one)

6. Take curbs at full speed (as high as 40 mph)

7. Rallied on back dirt roads

8. Refused to do an oil change for over a year (and anything else the car needed)

9. Pulled spark plug wirees out for weeks at a time to see what would happen

10. Let 18 year old borrow car and rail on it as hard as he could (Roach II)

11. Drove down highway at full throttle in drive 1

12. Took it "off-roading"

13. Used Ram bar to push anything one could think of, including a trash container that weighted more than any car sold

14. Jumped, walked on, hit with things on the hood, roof & trunk

Any other suggestions?

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sand in the oil fill? bleach in the gas tank? :P what car was this? for some reason im thinking caprice, no?

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what is "The Roach"? Forgive me for not knowing the make/model

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sand in the oil fill? bleach in the gas tank? :P what car was this? for some reason im thinking caprice, no?

Bleach will only take out the injectors as well as sand. She'll insist we just fix it even it costs over $1000. Besides, I'm guessing, like everything else with these cars, for some reason they built something into the car that will still prevent it from hurting it. Then again, if bleach or sand would eat at the walls of the cylinder heads . . .

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Have you tried driving it into the side of a shed? Dropping a piano on the hood? Four sticks of dynamite and a match? I believe it is time we begin to take notes from Mr. Jeremy Clarkson. :yes:

A brief "How to Destroy" series from Mr. Clarkson:

Death by "Auto Jousting"

Death by Hanging

Death by Crusher

Death by Convertible

Death by Torture

Death by Dumpster

Death by Bar Skittles

I hope you have your notebook ready and are ready to take notes! :smilewide:

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YellowJacket894 - All great ideas, but I have to be able to do it without my wife knowing I am.

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1994 Caprice with LT1 - Ex Police vehicle

Wait. Whoa, whoa. I will give you the twenty dollar bill in my wallet and a Bombardier Rally ATV with a broken carburetor in exchange for the car so it will not be destroyed.

I have plans of my own for it if you take that offer. :AH-HA_wink:

Edited by YellowJacket894
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i love those caprices! and your failed attempts show me how strong they are

drain the coolant/oil.... the motor sure wont last too long! or sand in the tranny!

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Step 1. Remove all idiot light bulbs in the dash

Step 2. Loosen the water pump bolts a teeny tiny bit.

Step 3. Roadtrip

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YellowJacket984 - If you can find a way to get my wife to part with it, I'll pay you to take it away.

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YellowJacket984 - If you can find a way to get my wife to part with it, I'll pay you to take it away.

How about a "staged theft?" :smilewide::scratchchin:

I have always had an odd aspiration for the post-MCE "bathtub" Caprice. I'd actually like to save it.

Edited by YellowJacket894
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Step 1. Remove all idiot light bulbs in the dash

Step 2. Loosen the water pump bolts a teeny tiny bit.

Step 3. Roadtrip

:lol:

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Well, it would take a few months possibly and could potentially be dangerous, better if it was you driving, but you could "accindentally" pour some tranny fluid in the master cylinder resevoir. It will destroy all the rubber in your brake system, and since it has anitlock, it could be expensive enough to total the car. Or maybe tell her you want to donate it to the Breast Cancer Foundation. Never know, it might work.

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Or maybe tell her you want to donate it to YJ's driveway. Never know, it might work.

:smilewide:

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Have you tried driving it into the side of a shed? Dropping a piano on the hood? Four sticks of dynamite and a match? I believe it is time we begin to take notes from Mr. Jeremy Clarkson. :yes:

A brief "How to Destroy" series from Mr. Clarkson:

Death by "Auto Jousting"

Death by Hanging

Death by Crusher

Death by Convertible

Death by Torture

Death by Dumpster

Death by Bar Skittles

I hope you have your notebook ready and are ready to take notes! :smilewide:

Wrecking aperfectly good 911 was WRONG...butI'd rather they wreck a 911 than a Camaro, even a plain jane 3rd gen Camaro...

Other than that great stuff!

Chris

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Wrecking aperfectly good 911 was WRONG...butI'd rather they wreck a 911 than a Camaro, even a plain jane 3rd gen Camaro...

Other than that great stuff!

Chris

An F3 Camaro has never been destroyed on Top Gear to my knowledge. One was in a road challenge, yes, but it was not destroyed.

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have I ever mentioned I'm a deviously evil person?

Hehe

We should have an 'evil' smiley.

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They did destroy a C4 vette though. Stuffed a crash test dummy named "Hank" in it and blew it up from a helicopter.

Felt like pointing out to Mr. Clarkson that without a lot of guys named "Hank" he could be reading the owners manual of his new Audi in the German he had learned from boyhood, but so far have not had the chance.

Chris

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Hehe

We should have an 'evil' smiley.

Take your pick! :smilewide:

1138.gif

220.gif

751.gif

teu17.gif

teu63.gif

Now, add them to the list! :P

Edited by YellowJacket894
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So what exactly is your problem?

Why not STOP beating on your destructible B-body and SELL it for a few bucks...?

How high were you exactly when you wrote this thread? :huh:

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teu17.gif

^^^

I like that one :smilewide:

Edited by ZL-1
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So what exactly is your problem?

Why not STOP beating on your destructible B-body and SELL it for a few bucks...?

How high were you exactly when you wrote this thread? :huh:

As stated earlier in the thread, I would pay someone to take it away if my wife would let me. I didn't want the first one, I didn't want the second one, and I REALLY didn't want the third one. She has a weird attachment to them.

My stance; they where good when they first came out, now they just eat at the earth and my pocket book. VERY few people need a boat like this. Just like those that drive SUVs and big trucks. I understand using it instead of a truck, but that is the only reason someone should own such a gas hog. (little hippie moment coming out).

Ok, ok, really though; I'm not against anyone else wanting it that loves it, but I just don't want it in my driveway. I am all for the individual getting what they desire. I just don't desire the Roach. There's just a little anger coming out when I think about how much money we have wasted on the car. Especially since my car gets trashed because she thinks we should use car instead of hers as a family car (gas mileage and reliability). Just because she buys a crappy car that nobody wants to ride in, why should I suffer.

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Well F*** that.

Let her have her Caprice instead of doing retarded destructive & frankly juvenile

stunts that frankly will just insure she'll own a FOURTH B-body Chevy.

And BTW:

I'm loving my daily driver 1977 Cadillac... compared to my 7.0 liter V8 powered,

BOF, RWD, 400TH equipped, 4400 lbs. two door Cadillac that your wife's 5.7 liter

B-body light as well be a Malibu Hybrid. And people like you that spread their

opinion of how my car is EXCESSIVE makes me want to drive it that much more.

Funny how people are still brainwashed into the whole "big cars/V8s/SUVs kill the

enviroment and contribute to global warming..."

How about the fact that within a decade China's coal burning power plants will by

comparison make ALL these big cars a molecule within a drop in the bucket.

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