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Variance

Online Personals/Dating: Thoughts?

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Short of it:

Bored, pining for significant other, little luck finding someone myself, thinking of trying online personal sites.

Any experience?

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I recently tried eharmony.com and based on my personality they couldn't find a single match for me....so I couldn't even access the site's listings :lol:

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Well, I've had far better luck finding guys online than I ever have offline. But I'm gay and living in Brookville, so that can't come as a surprise to anyone. :P

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i had a friend who got married to someone he met on personals ads

these days, he uses the 'c' word to describe her.

i've got some workmates who are trying the online dating thing but without much success so far.

can't hurt to try. at least their are tons of fish to pick from.

Edited by regfootball
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Please be careful. There is nothing wrong with doing this if it is done properly. Do your homework first, do background checks, and history. Choose wisely. I say all this to you for a reason. I will tell you what it is..

I was raped on a date with someone I met online. This happened years ago. The police did not get involved. It was my word against his, plus who were they going to believe? He came from a wealthy family. We met at my house. (mistake one). That is when I should have backed out. All he did was talk bad about my Oldsmobile Ninety Eight( the first one). my neighborhood and condemn me. He drove a Toyota Cressida. We went on our dinner date. It got worse. He was on the cell phone lying to his mother about whom he was with. I did not like the fact he was ashamed of me. We are two difference races. I prefer and I am attracted to Caucasian men. He took me to his parents house after the date. He locked me in the garage. He locked me in the garage and proceeded to rape me. The thing is.. his parents did not know we were in the house. When he finished, I ran and got out of there. I have never driven so fast in my life. I ran home and I stripped the bed down and washed the sheets and more. I scrubbed myself trying to scrub off what happened. I was so traumatized by the event, I ended up in therapy after another bad experience after that. Suffice it to say, I have not dated or bothered sexually since 2003.

Please be careful. Do not seem or appear desperate.

Edited by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY
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Craigslist+Casual Encounters=herpes

+ Aids, and a slew of other STDs. I wouldn't risk it even with a condom. Sadly most people are just out to use other people sexually in these casual encounters, straight or gay, it doesn't matter, people are people and some one is going to end up being used. IMHO!

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+ Aids, and a slew of other STDs. I wouldn't risk it even with a condom. Sadly most people are just out to use other people sexually in these casual encounters, straight or gay, it doesn't matter, people are people and some one is going to end up being used. IMHO!

That is exactly how people get hurt emotionally. People are not true about their intentions. Someone ends up hurt.

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Please be careful. There is nothing wrong with doing this if it is done properly. Do your homework first, do background checks, and history. Choose wisely. I say all this to you for a reason. I will tell you what it is..

I was raped on a date with someone I met online. This happened years ago. The police did not get involved. It was my word against his, plus who were they going to believe? He came from a wealthy family. We met at my house. (mistake one). That is when I should have backed out. All he did was talk bad about my Oldsmobile Ninety Eight( the first one). my neighborhood and condemn me. He drove a Toyota Cressida. We went on our dinner date. It got worse. He was on the cell phone lying to his mother about whom he was with. I did not like the fact he was ashamed of me. We are two difference races. I prefer and I am attracted to Caucasian men. He took me to his parents house after the date. He locked me in the garage. He locked me in the garage and proceeded to rape me. The thing is.. his parents did not know we were in the house. When he finished, I ran and got out of there. I have never driven so fast in my life. I ran home and I stripped the bed down and washed the sheets and more. I scrubbed myself trying to scrub off what happened. I was so traumatized by the event, I ended up in therapy after another bad experience after that. Suffice it to say, I have not dated or bothered sexually since 2003.

Please be careful. Do not seem or appear desperate.

NINETY EIGHT, May I ask what race you are? I have always been attracted to Latin women myself, but did not marry one. So that might explain my tours of duty with GM in Mexico and Ecuador! (4 years in total in Latin countries)

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NINETY EIGHT, May I ask what race you are? I have always been attracted to Latin women myself, but did not marry one. So that might explain my tours of duty with GM in Mexico and Ecuador! (4 years in total in Latin countries)

I do not mind answering your question. I am black. I do not use the term African American because I do not get caught up with being politically correct. I decided as I said in a thread a while back, I would open up more over time. I am using this to open up a little. If it goes well, I will share more about myself. Plus, I wanted to help this guy( Variance) out here.

Edited by NINETY EIGHT REGENCY
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As per what viper said, I suspect gay online dating is "safer" and more popular only because from smaller towns there are fewer options. However, you have to wonder about people who are so socially inept (or unattractive) that they cannot meet people through regular social channels.

Sort to sound unkind here, but when I lived in a small town (Collingwood - about an hour's drive north of Toronto) I met a friend and the two of us paid for a special phone and ran an ad in a major paper for about 6 months, looking for gay people in our area. We attracted such a pack of losers, that one evening when we were to meet a "24 year old" (and we were both in our mid-twenties at the time) at the parking lot of McDonalds in town after closing and we pulled into the driveway and saw a small station wagon with two 60 year old men angled in such a way that they were definitely keeping an eye on the entrance, I threw my coffee onto the hood of their car and we sped off. I told my friend that if he wanted to keep the phone, go ahead, but I was sick of it.

If you're looking for cheap, meaningless sex, perhaps the internet is okay, but in all the years of hanging out in bars, clubs and trolling internet sites, I never once met a partner or friend in anything other than regular social settings: restaurants, organizations, grocery stores, etc.

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As per what viper said, I suspect gay online dating is "safer" and more popular only because from smaller towns there are fewer options. However, you have to wonder about people who are so socially inept (or unattractive) that they cannot meet people through regular social channels.

Sort to sound unkind here, but when I lived in a small town (Collingwood - about an hour's drive north of Toronto) I met a friend and the two of us paid for a special phone and ran an ad in a major paper for about 6 months, looking for gay people in our area. We attracted such a pack of losers, that one evening when we were to meet a "24 year old" (and we were both in our mid-twenties at the time) at the parking lot of McDonalds in town after closing and we pulled into the driveway and saw a small station wagon with two 60 year old men angled in such a way that they were definitely keeping an eye on the entrance, I threw my coffee onto the hood of their car and we sped off. I told my friend that if he wanted to keep the phone, go ahead, but I was sick of it.

If you're looking for cheap, meaningless sex, perhaps the internet is okay, but in all the years of hanging out in bars, clubs and trolling internet sites, I never once met a partner or friend in anything other than regular social settings: restaurants, organizations, grocery stores, etc.

I remember meeting people before the internet. They had telephone services and chat boards and local gay publications or magazines. For people like Blackviper, the internet connects him with the world. I know that has been one good thing about the internet. People like him would be isolated and alone. The sad thing is the education with information out there on the internet. Not all of it is accurate. The one good thing I can say is the small town gays like Blackviper do not feel so isolated and alone. I read your story, and I was like they run the games everywhere.. Please do not get me started on the clubs..

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I remember meeting people before the internet. They had telephone services and chat boards and local gay publications or magazines. For people like Blackviper, the internet connects him with the world. I know that has been one good thing about the internet. People like him would be isolated and alone. The sad thing is the education with information out there on the internet. Not all of it is accurate. The one good thing I can say is the small town gays like Blackviper do not feel so isolated and alone. I read your story, and I was like they run the games everywhere.. Please do not get me started on the clubs..

Well, I am 46 and still occasionally go to the clubs (in "age friendly lighting" I can pass for 35 :smilewide: ). The clubs are good for, well, dancing and hanging out with friends. What people don't understand (or perhaps Hollywood has glossed over) is that bars and clubs are the epitome of Darwinism: you either have to have a lot of personality or be very good looking to survive there. For the "average" person, it can be a lonely, desolate place. Or just a place to dance and have fun.

Despite what a couple decades of liberal social sciences would have us believe, people do judge a book by its cover: its ingrained in our genes. Either accept and adapt or die - plain and simple. No amount of feel good therapy or "how to" books are going to change that.

Dating and meeting people is a lot like selling cars: you should never ask questions that you won't like the answer to. Control the conversation and always, always have a smile. If you are in a bad mood, just got dumped by your last girlfriend/boyfriend people can sense that a mile away and will avoid you. If you hope people will sense how "honest" you are or "down to earth" you are, or however else you perceive yourself - they won't. Get that notion out of your head.

All the world is a stage. Cliched and corny, but true.

Someone who is homely and has the personality of an eggplant may THINK they will do better on the internet, but just remember that most of the other people on the internet are exactly the same way. It is unlikely that Heather Locklear or Colin Ferrel would have to use internet dating services. I am just saying!

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Well, I am 46 and still occasionally go to the clubs (in "age friendly lighting" I can pass for 35 :smilewide: ). The clubs are good for, well, dancing and hanging out with friends. What people don't understand (or perhaps Hollywood has glossed over) is that bars and clubs are the epitome of Darwinism: you either have to have a lot of personality or be very good looking to survive there. For the "average" person, it can be a lonely, desolate place. Or just a place to dance and have fun.

Despite what a couple decades of liberal social sciences would have us believe, people do judge a book by its cover: its ingrained in our genes. Either accept and adapt or die - plain and simple. No amount of feel good therapy or "how to" books are going to change that.

Dating and meeting people is a lot like selling cars: you should never ask questions that you won't like the answer to. Control the conversation and always, always have a smile. If you are in a bad mood, just got dumped by your last girlfriend/boyfriend people can sense that a mile away and will avoid you. If you hope people will sense how "honest" you are or "down to earth" you are, or however else you perceive yourself - they won't. Get that notion out of your head.

All the world is a stage. Cliched and corny, but true.

Someone who is homely and has the personality of an eggplant may THINK they will do better on the internet, but just remember that most of the other people on the internet are exactly the same way. It is unlikely that Heather Locklear or Colin Ferrel would have to use internet dating services. I am just saying!

Very superficial environment. I recently had to tell one of my students he was not ready for that. He has some weight he needs to lose, and work on his personality. He could put people off that easy.

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Very superficial environment. I recently had to tell one of my students he was not ready for that. He has some weight he needs to lose, and work on his personality. He could put people off that easy.

About 12 years ago, my mother's best friend's husband told his wife that he was gay - after nearly 30 years of marriage. He was 52 and had had a slight stroke, plus they lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere. My mother thought I could help this guy out and "show him the ropes."

Thanks, mom! I asked her what she thought a 52 year old, unattractive, balding man who can't drive and lives 90 minutes from the closest gay bar is going to go through - especially when he was still living with his soon to be ex-wife!!!!

There is a reason that dating and romance is for the young.

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Well I met Marcia online....

(that's all I'm going to say about that)

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About 12 years ago, my mother's best friend's husband told his wife that he was gay - after nearly 30 years of marriage. He was 52 and had had a slight stroke, plus they lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere. My mother thought I could help this guy out and "show him the ropes."

Thanks, mom! I asked her what she thought a 52 year old, unattractive, balding man who can't drive and lives 90 minutes from the closest gay bar is going to go through - especially when he was still living with his soon to be ex-wife!!!!

There is a reason that dating and romance is for the young.

His best hope will be meeting people online. The sad thing in the community is they "think" 25 is old and once you are past 25, it gets harder and you grow tired of the foolishness. They put expectations on others they do not meet themselves. They safly cannot get past the physical. I tell people you not only have to sleep with him, but be able to hold a conversation with him.

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His best hope will be meeting people online. The sad thing in the community is they "think" 25 is old and once you are past 25, it gets harder and you grow tired of the foolishness. They put expectations on others they do not meet themselves. They safly cannot get past the physical. I tell people you not only have to sleep with him, but be able to hold a conversation with him.

You know, '80' is the new '65' and there is soon going to be a huge groundswell of 'seniors' whose significant other either passed away or left them - and these people are going to be lonely. As a society, we are going to have to deal with the divorces and high failure rate of relationships. The internet is a good first attempt, but we have to figure out something that works.

Two hundred years ago, we were dead by 40 and worked to death at that. Divorces or infedility were unheard of because both spouses were too exhausted from raising 10 kids or working in the coal mines/field for 14 hours a day. Now, we have a lot of leisure time on our hands.

What is it that was once said about idle minds being the playground of the Devil?

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Ninety-Eight, sorry to hear about your horrible experience and thanks for your concern/warning.

Don't worry though, I'm not considering this just to get a casual piece of ass. I want something much more meaningful than that.

I wish I was one of those guys that can be just out an about and all of a sudden meet their dream girl sitting at a coffee shop or something.

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You know, '80' is the new '65' and there is soon going to be a huge groundswell of 'seniors' whose significant other either passed away or left them - and these people are going to be lonely. As a society, we are going to have to deal with the divorces and high failure rate of relationships. The internet is a good first attempt, but we have to figure out something that works.

Two hundred years ago, we were dead by 40 and worked to death at that. Divorces or infedility were unheard of because both spouses were too exhausted from raising 10 kids or working in the coal mines/field for 14 hours a day. Now, we have a lot of leisure time on our hands.

What is it that was once said about idle minds being the playground of the Devil?

That is the deal.. My things is.. I have learned and know "too well" how to live alone and be alone. I do not get lonely like most because I threw myself into my job, but I had to stop that recently.

Ninety-Eight, sorry to hear about your horrible experience and thanks for your concern/warning.

No, thank you for reading that.

Don't worry though, I'm not considering this just to get a casual piece of ass. I want something much more meaningful than that.

This is good to know. I think most people want something meaningful... The thing is others "play" and mess with others and someone ends up hurt over it.

I wish I was one of those guys that can be just out an about and all of a sudden meet their dream girl sitting at a coffee shop or something.

Anything is possible...

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Any experience?

Be careful of what you ask for because you just might find it! You list a couple of attributes and demographic conditions and they just might be met. Nothing went wrong per se, it's just that I don't want children and this became an issue. I was honest within a matter of months. I think she was very hurt. I know that she threw herself into her work (has an Ivy League MBA and made more money than me at ANY point in time) is apparently still single. Once I got into my early 30s, I no longer wanted kids. And if I don't want my very own, I certainly don't want anyone else's.
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The trouble with shopping for anything over the internet (whether a soul mate or a car, for example) is that it short circuits any possibility of the 'human touch.' We are animals, deep down and we all need that human touch. We read a lot from someone's mannerisms, the way they talk, tilt their head. Hell, even the phemerones they emit are important to the mating process. I also believe that our brains communicate on a sub-conscious level, perhaps psychically as well. How are you going to get that over the internet?

Too much honesty can be a bad thing, and I am not being facetious. My sister, for example, is a great looking gal. She has an amazing job, a big house that is nearly paid for, just turned 40 and is single. She is bright and passionate and would probably do okay in the "bar scene;" however, she has 4 boys - all under the age of 14. What chance would she have on the internet? Even if she posted an airbrushed, professional photo of herself, when the questions start flying and she reveals she has 4 kids, guaranteed the postings will stop. At least in a social setting, the prospective suitor would have a chance to get a feel for her personality, her mannerisms, he humor, etc and MAYBE the fact she has 4 boys would matter less. On the internet, she has zero chance, unless she meets some poor schmoe who is a total masochist, or perve! Or he lives in South Africa! :lol:

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when the questions start flying and she reveals she has 4 kids, guaranteed the postings will stop. At least in a social setting, the prospective suitor would have a chance to get a feel for her personality, her mannerisms, he humor, etc and MAYBE the fact she has 4 boys would matter less.

Oops, Carbiz, I hope I didn't come across as a jerk. It's very UN-Catholic of me, but I think the Dual Income No Kids route is the way to go. I've had too painful and prolonged of a climb.

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Oops, Carbiz, I hope I didn't come across as a jerk. It's very UN-Catholic of me, but I think the Dual Income No Kids route is the way to go. I've had too painful and prolonged of a climb.

Not at all. I can't stand kids, and my nephews are monsters. It grates my teeth when we go into a nice restaurant and there is a table of brats destroying the place next to us.

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