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Sixty8panther

>>> Chuck Norris

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I've been on a Chuck Norris joke kick as of late....

My top three favorites:

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars,

that's why there's no signs of life.

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Chuck Norris ate an ENTIRE birthday cake

once before his friends could stop him &

tell him there was a stripper inside.

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Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st

right to April 2nd. Why...? Because f***ing

NOBODY fools Chucj Norris!

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Post any good ones YOU know/find. :)

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I've been on a Chuck Norris joke kick as of late....

No kidding, I've got at least four Chuck Norris related texts from you lately. Admit it, you secretly long to be his lover. :P

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Maybe Chuck can take you for a nice, long ride in his Ridgeline.

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Dude, I heard those are really badass trucks! :rolleyes:

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the mother load

the ones chuck picked.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

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some of my favs

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Outer space exists because space is scared to be on the same planet as chuck norris

godzilla was a graphical depiction of chuck norris' visit to japan.

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Chuck Norris CAN Believe It's Not Butter.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing and told it to get a job. This was the creation of the universe.

Chuck Norris was born by cesarian section: he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

Chuck Norris was originally going to be an unlockable character in Street Fighter, but was removed from the final version because the only move the character could do was a roundhouse kick. When asked about the bug, Chuck Norris said "What bug?"

Chuck Norris can beat a wall at tennis.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris'd.

What's more deadly than Chuck Norris with a gun? Chuck Norris without a gun.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

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DF: Hey if you're going to "borrow" my

member title you could at least ask,

they're supposed to be customizabe

so they're original. <_<:P

No kidding, I've got at least four Chuck Norris related texts from you lately. Admit it, you secretly long to be his lover. :P

HA, ha, ha.

Annnnd... I thought you said you WEREN'T getting any texts because of the phone snafu?! :huh:

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Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

I can't beleive I have not heard/read either of those before.

They're both awesome! :lol:

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- Chuck Norris counted to infinity... TWICE.

- The great wall of China was constructed to keep Chuck Norris out, it failed miserably.

- Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has NEVER cried.

- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

- C.N. once asked for an Egg-McMuffin at McDonald's, when the girl at the counter told

him that he could not have one because it was 10:35 and they were serving lunch

C.N. roundhouse kicked the restaurant so hard it became a Wendy's.

- Scientist have determined that the total energy release from the big-bang was about

equal to 1.0 ChNRdHK, (one Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick)

- Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's Potato Chip.

- C.N. can change an oil-pn gasket without draining the oil. (from my buddy Duffy in AZ)

and I've made up a few other the years, here's one I came up with the other day:

- Chuck Norris HAS driven a Ford lately, but the only Mustang HE owns is powered by

a R.R. V-12 and has .50 caliber machine guns mounted on its wings!

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Lost all respect for the guy when he started selling Ridgelines.

Apparently, Chuck Norris has now grown a p***y

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Yeah... I HATE that stupid ad. <_<

But the jokes ARE funny IMHO. (I'm a child of the 1980s)

- Chuck Norris & Mr.T walk into a bar, the building explodes instantly,

NO single structure on plant earth can contain THAT much "coolness."

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I read somewhere last week that Chuck Norris was the actor who was originally wanted to play the role of Red Foreman on "That '70s Show". Somehow, that would've changed that character......

Cort | 35swm | "Mr Monte Carlo"."Mr Road Trip" | pig valve.pacemaker ...RT 66 drive = Sept '09

WRMNshowcase.legos.HO.models.MCs.RTs.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"You probably won't remember me" ... Jan Arden ... 'Insensitive'

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I read somewhere last week that Chuck Norris was the actor who was originally wanted to play the role of Red Foreman on "That '70s Show". Somehow, that would've changed that character......

Cort | 35swm | "Mr Monte Carlo"."Mr Road Trip" | pig valve.pacemaker ...RT 66 drive = Sept '09

WRMNshowcase.legos.HO.models.MCs.RTs.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort

"You probably won't remember me" ... Jan Arden ... 'Insensitive'

Now there's an understatement!

:AH-HA_wink:

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Now there's an understatement!

:AH-HA_wink:

LOL!

Yeah, I could NOT believe it when I read that. I mean ... can you imagine him the husband of Kitty? Oh heck no.

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Is this 2005 again?

Sime people are just behind the curve. 4 years behind to be exact.

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Sorry I don't devote every second of my day to keep up with all the latest o the www. 'net. :rolleyes:

Besides, stupid humor like this is timeless.... (as is sodomy)

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I know theyve been around a while, but some of them still give me a good laugh. I thought of one for you yesterday, Sly, while I was riding at lunch:

"Chuck Noris once stared at a woman for ten seconds. Nine months later she gave birth to septuplets."

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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

True. Newton's third law of motion.

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Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris.

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